Pearls Of Wisdom - Not!

[Boo Mayhew]

Your boss should not be allowed to manage people. He sounds like the Manager in The Office on TV. I think you get a US version of the TV series over there? Ridiculous. He should be ashamed of himself and he's lucky you didn't rock up to HR in floods of tears.

Hi all,

I just had to share this "Pearl of Wisdom" As some of you know my other half left this earth 6 weeks ago today. My boss is very unsupportive, which I've beed angry at but now I feel he is just clueless. I came into work today, my eyes all red(surprise) and he looks up at me and then does a double take. He processed to say, "Wow, you are really losing weight" How much have you lost? Keep in mind I'm 5'7" and weighted 160. I didn't need to loose a ton. I told him I didn't know haven't bothered to get on a scale. He breaks out in a dazzling smile, very happy and says, "So, tell me, how did you do this? Who have you met?

I looked at him in shock and said it's GRIEF, mourning you know. And I haven't met nor do I intend to anyone. By the way you know it's 6 weeks today right?

I can't believe this man is 44 years old ans so clueless.

thanks for letting me share

[kayc]

David's Girl,

You answered him just fine. Wow! People never cease to amaze me! I guess it just goes to show, a person really doesn't know until they're there. Hopefully he never has to know.

[AnnC]

Just wanted to add mine. I am not a widow. In losing my ex-husband, though, I was devastated. Shattered. It was mind-blowing. All I can say is that doesn't mean that I understand being widowed, but it must be worse than losing my ex, whom I loved but hadn't seen in years, just talked on the phone and emailed. And any grief that is more painful than what I have been going through is painful, indeed, beyond what I can imagine.

But when my dad died, I was sad but nowhere near what I felt when my ex died. Just different. Not so complicated as mourning not only a contemporary I'd been married to but also reliving the grief that we couldn't stay married. With my dad, he had a full life, he was suffering so his death was a release from pain, and we miss our parents but we know it's in the course of life that they usually die before we do. Nevertheless, I know people who consider a parent their best friend and they call every day, and certainly that is a devastating loss as well. As for pets, my cat died not long after my dad, and while I would certainly mourn for my cat, I found that it was harder just because I had had several deaths in a row, and it was one more adding to the grief. When another of my cats became sick, I spent $1500 on the vet to save him, because I couldn't stand yet another death. I realized that of all the deaths (in a three year period, I lost my ex, my dad, my great-aunt, my uncle, two close friends and my cat) that I couldn't prevent, at least I had the chance to save my other cat, and I took it.

It does depend on you, your situation, your relationship with the person you have lost. But I would never say I understand what it's like to be widowed, or to lose a child, because I have not had those experiences. But because of the long and incredibly painful grieving of the past five years over my ex-husband, I would never say to anyone who lost a spouse or child (or anyone, really) that they "should be over it" ever!

My mother takes the cake for insensitive responses. When my ex died, she said, "Well, that's too bad dear, but with his lifestyle (my ex was gay), what can you expect?" I was speechless.

One great piece of advice I heard was from an expert on grief and loss. He said, "When you are talking to a bereaved person, don't say anything that starts with, "At least..."

Ann