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Walking Around In A Fog


Guest Aangelaa

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Guest Aangelaa

I'm Angela. I lost my Mom two months ago. She died of a stroke at 62 yrs old. I am her only daughter. She lived with me we were very close. I feel like I am coming unraveled. I can hardly walk thru the day; I am so tired. I lose things constanalty, I forget what I was doing, why I was dong it, what I was saying. Has anyone had experience with this? I have great difficulties keeping everything together at my job. I feel others think I should be somewhat over it by now. All I look forward to is going home pulling the covers up and laying down with my doggie and my daughter.

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Dear Angela,

First, I am so sorry that you have lost your mom, and second, yes what you are feeling is perfectly normal. The odd thing about this road that you are stumbling along is that each of us that travel it manage to pick our way through at our own pace, but generally each person goes through many of the same things at one time or another. Feeling a melt down, loss of energy and frustration is very normal, especially at only 2 months in. You are beginning to emerge from that blessed sanctuary of shock, and realization is setting in that this is no dream you will awaken from. That is a hard spot to find yourself in. For some of us the shock lasts longer, for others it is short. There is no rhyme or reason to it. It doesn't mean that you loved your loved one more or less, it is more of what your mind has to do to protect you at this particular point in time.

You wrote: I feel others think I should be somewhat over it by now.

That may be a true perception on your part. Many times friends and family get frustrated that they cannot fix your pain, and they would feel better if you could just go back to normal. The problem is that *normal* is no longer an option, your life has changed with this loss. Try to be patient with yourself and allow yourself to move at your own pace, sometimes forward, sometimes back, and often times sideways.

I lost my husband quite suddenly, and like you I had to go back to work very early. I had such a hard time coping with work, but I thank God every day for the coworkers that pulled me along that first year. I would have never made it without their looking out for me, dotting my i's and crossing my t's. But in many ways I think going back to work so early helped to save my sanity. It has now been 8 years since Bob passed away, and I still miss him every day, wish that I could blink away the 8 years, but have accepted the fact that I can't.

Talk about your mom, your memories and stories will help you and your daughter. Tears are relief measures that are important. Let them flow freely, I promise you that you won't drown in them. There are many wonderful sites on the internet to pour your feelings out to, also try to find a group within your community if you can. Many times hospice will offer group settings for support. You may want to keep a Journal of what is going on with you right now. Sometimes letters to our loved ones give us that opportunity to figure some things out for ourselves. All in all, my best advice is to do what feels right for you at this moment, tomorrow that may change, it may change an hour from now. Don't worry about that, that is somehow part of the journey.

Sending you lots of warm hugs to wrap yourself in tonight, you are being thought of with love.

Love and Blessings,

Lynda (bobsgal)

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