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My Grandad

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I hope this is the right place to post this message. I haven't posted here before but it's 3am here and I can't sleep so I thought I might as well give this a shot.

I'm 18 years old and in my first year of university. My grandad died the day before I moved out to come to university. At the end of August he was diagnosed with lung cancer, which we soon discovered had spread to different parts of his body, and he was quickly moved to hospital and then to a hospice, where he remained for a day, before he died, 3 weeks after being diagnosed. The speed at which it all happened shocked me and my entire family...the shock seemed to get me through the first couple of weeks, particularly as I was building my new life in a new city, and enjoying the start of university. So it didn't really sink in I guess until after we buried his ashes. Then it hit me he was really gone.

Recently I have been thinking about him a lot, and I have found myself just sitting and crying. I am having problems sleeping but I don't know if it's related...but I do find myself being afraid to go to sleep, and when I try and sleep I find myself remembering him, which makes me scared and sad. One of my flatmates suggested I talk to someone as I have been through a lot of changes these last couple of months, what with losing him, and coming to uni, but I don't really feel like it's important enough to burden anyone with (although here I am typing this!) Sometimes the pain scares me, and I just want it to go away.

2 other people in my family have died this year, and I have had trouble hanging on to my faith, although I still pray, sometimes just out of desperation and in need of someone to listen to me. It breaks my heart that he won't be here at Christmas, and that everything is so different...I think subconsciously I still can't believe he's gone, partly because I'm so far away from home anyway...I half-believe he's still in his house, just being there.

If anyone has any thoughts or advice I'd be happy to receive them.

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It is really hard to loose a Grandparent and to loose 2 people in a year it is no wonder you cry. Who can understand life and why these things happen. It does shake your faith. I lost my dad and grandmother within a month of each other and they were my favorite people in the world and though it was over 22 years ago I still miss them. Grief happens but it does get a little less painful step by step. I try to think of the things that I accomplish that they would be proud of and I also talk to them. I remember for months after my dad died I would think of something I wanted to tell him and then how devastated I felt when I remembered he wasn't there.

A month ago I lost my mother. You lost a grandparent rapidly without time to process what was happening and you are also in a very stressful time in your life. To loose someone in such a fast period of time takes an adjustment. Talking about your pain to someone is good and I think the more you talk and remember the fun you had with your GrandDad and remember how proud he would be of you that the pain will become less intense, not that you will forget, just that you will come in touch with your thoughts. Take time to enjoy your good memories. Myra

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hey man,

I lost my mom almost two years ago, I don't post much stuff but I will take the time to say things to people when I'm compelled. I'm sorry for your loss, reach out to those you love, and find a minute of every day to do something for others.

I have found peace through thinking of others, instead of pitying myself. I appreciate that losing someone is so hard, and in the moment you think "How can I exist feeling this way". Really, life is hard and losing people whether they are dead or alive is excruciating, however, I do know that if I can put my mother's death in perspective then you can do it too.

Take Care, and I wish that my message rings true, and also helps you move forward in some way.


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