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Just what is included when we say "Grief & Loss"?


Guest SGeorgeAZ

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Guest SGeorgeAZ

The phrase, "grief & loss," is often attributed to someone who has suffered a death of a loved one. Is that too narrow a definition? Can we also include divorce, job promotion (loss of competence), move to a new home? I think such inclusions are fair game. What about you?

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  • 1 month later...
  • 3 weeks later...

I agree any loss thats causing someone pain should be included !!

Im as sorry for the loss of my best friend........and hes not dead but we are no longer friends.....as I am for the deaths Ive experienced !

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  • 3 weeks later...

I agree. Loss is loss. However, death is completely final. I think there can be "living deaths" -- like divorce or estrangement from friends or family, but nothing is as final as physical death.

In living losses, we can still hold on to the hope, whether we admit to ourselves or not, that maybe one day, all will be healed. But we cannot raise the dead.

In some ways, grieving over physical death may even be easier than coping with a living death. I like to believe that the dead in my family are in a much better place. That the misunderstandings we had are now healed. That the pain they experienced is now over. I also know that they can't come back to hurt me. In this way, I close a chapter which allows for a new chapter to be unfolded in my life.

A living death, like a divorce, may not have these advantages (if you can call them that). I know people that experience ongoing grief for decades because of unresolved issues with another living person.

All that being said, loss is still loss. There are behaviours and feelings that are common to all, some may just differ in intensity. Everyone needs care and love during any kind of grief process and for any reason -- at least, that is how I think about this topic.

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Oh wow....I agree so much with what you said !!!

Its true death is final......I think that with the people Ive lost.....Id love to see them just once more......but my friend hes still here....in some ways death would be easier, but where theres life theres hope so I can but hope well make up.....and I like to think hes hopefully happy in his life even if my heart breaks !

Its complicated.....but hurting so bad....oh life is sure hard ! HUGS to everyone

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  • 1 month later...

awhile ago i would probably agree but now after losing someone very dear to me i have to say it is a whole different thing. losing a job promotion cant even compare to losing a loved one, a divorce comes close but they are still different pains. im sorry if this offends anyone but the loss of someone dear to you really cant be compared to anyone else

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  • 1 month later...

grief and loss...... I agree there is nothing worse than dealth itself it is the worst thing I have experienced to date. but pain just pain is horrible no mater what causes it . If you can help someone through it no matter what it is ,loss of job, friend, divorce, dealth then why not? no mater what your views are. Pain I think is easier when others understand no matter what.

Corinna

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In the span of one year (September 2002 - September 2003) I lost my father to cancer and my wife to divorce. I honestly cannot tell you which is more painful, but I think as humans we are built to deal with each differently.

I grieve for my father all the time, but I also know he is out of pain and in a better place. I was with him when he died and so I had the blessed opportunity to say goodbye and tell him how much I loved him.

The loss of my wife, whom I lost to another man after 6 years of marriage, was much different to deal with. I have no funeral or ritual in which I can say my goodbyes. I cannot bury her and know that she "is in a better place." I miss her horribly every day and yet I am torn apart by what she did to me. She would not even let me hug her goodbye because "it hurt her too much" and so I have no closure from the one person I would have died for.

For me, no one loss is easier or more difficult than the other. I just know that each was in my life for a time and touched me deeply in their own ways. I will miss and love them both always, but I think that part of the healing process involves being able to take care of oneself. I am blessed to have known them both.

Thank you all for all of your sharing. I learn something from each one of you.

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I so agree that grief is grief, what ever causes it, and the phases one has to go through are probably much the same........ tho I expect each one of us experiences it slightly differently.

My grief is the loss of my soul mate and I can agree that real death would have been easier than knowing he is still here and that I have no contact with him at all. The pain has been unbearable at times................

Related to that was also the loss of my marriage and my home.........and only time has helped me to come to terms with what happened. Again there is no formal ending - just an ongoing nothingness which you have to just live with.

With death it is more public and the rest of the world knows what has happened, but with divorce and other living losses it is very hard to cope with when the outside world are less understanding...........

So so complicated.............

We are lucky to have this forum where you all understand...............

Friends who are true friends are the best , but few and far between........

Love and Hugs to all of you

and keep true to yourself

NickyA

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Id just like to add....

..someone said...where theres life theres hope....well, me and my friend are reunited ! Best friends again......so thank God he hadnt died ! or we'd not have this second chance !

But Pain is pain.....and who can say what is worst? and what worst for one person may not be for another.....and also..what is the point of trying to decide whats worst? what does it achieve?...we are all here to support each other as we work thro our experiences...whatever it is weve lost !

HUGS all !

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  • 3 months later...
  • 3 months later...

I am so sorry for your loss - grief due to death is one of the worst things a person can go through in their life. Grief due to divorce is very close to it, only different. I can honestly say that the divorce I went through 25 years ago with the father of my 2 children is the worst experience I've had in my life. It took me 4 years to feel some what normal again, and while I did eventually remarry, he never replaced the loss I felt about losing the father of my children. I have more recently lost 2 other members of my to death, and perhaps I can handle it better because I've matured in the last 25 years, but it has not been as difficult as that divorce 25 years ago!

I think each person gauges / handles / mourns losses differently, so while for you the loss of your father to death is the WORST, that may not be true for someone else. Just know that all of us mourn in our own way, and I pray for everyone that seeks help on this board. Just reading your stories have lifted my spirits & made me feel part of a caring community. Thank you all---

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