Will The Pain Ever Stop?

[Intellectualbrat]

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[kayc]

Intellectual...I don't want to call you a brat, you seem anything but! To have gone through so much loss in your life is incredible. I can only say that I too have dealt with a life that has not gone "as planned".

I am sorry you lost your best friend, the man you love, the one you shared your hopes and dreams with. I am not sure why you can't be together being as he is still alive and well, unless he has broken up with you for whatever reasons of his own.

Yes, I can say, you will get through this and the pain will lessen as time goes on, but you won't forget it and it will likely take quite some time before you are to the point where you wake up and it doesn't hurt. Have you read my thread "Death of a Marriage"? It still hurts, but I'm doing better and have hopes that someday even this pain will be gone.

Please feel free to post here, here you are heard and you are anonymous, you can express your pain without fear of reprisal. It's so important to be able to tell your story and have it heard, and know that your feelings are important and valid. It's all part of the healing process.

I send you (((hugs))).

Kay

[Intellectualbrat]

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[kayc]

And he is adamant that you two can't make it? It seems such a shame! There are "couples counseling" and helps abound everywhere! You could go for individual counseling to help you deal with your previous losses. It is pretty hard to be "friends" when you're in love with the other person. I have tried to have a "friend" relationship with my ex, John, but he hurt me so much and sometimes it's just downright painful. I belong to marriagebuilders.com too and someone said there that you need to cut the other person loose totally and then it takes about six months before you can really move on...I'm sure that's just a rule of thumb. I'm getting there (to the cutting totally loose part) but oh it's so hard! Especially when everything within you screams, No!!! In my case, I have no choice but to move on, he's too toxic for me, but in your case, well, only you can decide if you can continue as friends. Sometimes it's a painful reminder of what you want that you can't have though.

Just know that you will get through even this...

Kay

[Intellectualbrat]

Deleted

[kayc]

Intellectual,

If you both still love each other, there IS hope. Perhaps he is punishing you. I don't know enough of your story to say, but I urge you to go to marriagebuilders.com and post your story on General Questions II where you can get some good advice about trying to save this relationship. There are some real experts there who have been through and seen it all. There is so much information on that site, it's almost overwhelming, but I'm telling you, if you want to save this relationship and go on to live a happy life together, that would be your best step. You can remain anonymous and still give all of the story so people can advise and help you through it. It is when one partner has no love whatsoever that it is more hopeless. Read about Plan A and B, read the materials, there are books about lovebusters, "His Needs, Her Needs", etc. I wouldn't give up at this point and I wouldn't "settle". Life's too short to waste what could be good.

Kay