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My husband, soulmate, love of my life, died on September 14 of this year. He struggled with cancer for a year and a half. He was only 44 when he was diagnosed and begged me to keep him home. And I did. I sat by his side when he had every chemo and drove him to every radiation. I pushed his wheelchair, changed his bed, wiped his tears and made him laugh.

He had a crush on me when he was 11 years old. I was 13 and a woman of the world, but he was so cute and forward with his devotion that I gave him his first kiss (on the forehead). His devotion died when he did. On September 14 of this year, I held his hand, kept him warm, wiped his mouth and gave him his last kiss (on the forehead).

Now I am lost. To have had such a fan and friend for 25 years was so very lucky. But who am I now? Where do I begin. His heart was my home, and now I feel homeless. We have 4 grown children who are devastated but trying to help all that they can. We have 12 grandchildren whom he cherished.

I made it through the first months. I lived through the first Thanksgiving without him, and my first birthday without him. Now is his favorite time. My heart is crushed and I am lost. I just turned 48. Where do I begin again?

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Hey GrammyBear, my heart goes out to u. I was not lucky enough to have the years u had with your love (I had only 71/2yrs) but I understand about the adoration he put upon u, how u were his world, how it was love at first sight for him...How do u start? Well, maybe with each morning u get up. How does 1 begin alone when it was always the 2 of you...2 peas in a pod. But we are the ones that are left behind and we must keep going even if we don't want to; I think it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I have at least 40 more years of it. I hope my words let u know that u are not alone out there and hopefully with time and the good Lord's help we both shall get thru this.

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I lost my husband and biggest fan last May 12. The holidays have been rough, but today is Jan. 1 and I just keep moving ahead. I wish I could give you a magic remedy, but, I've discovered, there is none. No one knows the depth of pain until this happens to them- I am still stunned. Hang on, it does get better, but it's a slow, difficult process. I write in a journal every night- recently I re-read the last few months. I was surprised to see that I had made progress, things seem slightly calmer, more rational. Hang on- one day at a time. Peace.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi Grammybear and all of us who have lost the love of our life. I lost my wonderful, caring husband of 46 years to cancer this past Oct, 2004. I know and feel your loss. I too do not know how to go on without him in my life. We knew each other since childhood and dated in High School... married at 17 & 19 and also have 4 wonderful children and 13 great grandchildren and 1 great grandchild. We are all so devastated that he is no longer in our lives. It has been almost 3 months and I still cannot realize that I will not ever see him or feel his arms around me ever again. He was a kind, considerate man whom everyone who met him liked him. During his working life he was a firefighter/paramedic and saved many lives in his 35 year career. I take comfort that there are strangers out there that their lives were touched or saved by my husbands actions.. The babies he brought into the world and the lives he saved would not be here for his courage and caring nature. To me and my children he was indeed a hero.

I pray for all who feel this emptiness, lonliness, and pain that someday we can heal and go on.

Hugs to all of you in your grief.

Love Grace


7/1/38 -10/20/04

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  • 1 month later...

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