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It's Christas Morning


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It's Christmas morning and I'm alone. This used to be such a happy morning. The children would be opening the small gifts they found in their stockings. I would start the coffee and bring juice and cereal to the 4 excited children, my sweet husband would start playing carols on the radio and I would be smiling inside and out. After everyone ate, got dressed and made beds we would go downstairs and there would be such happiness and love. Now my husband is dead..what awful meanings those words hold for me. The children are grown, scattered with their own lovely families and I am alone. The house echoes with silence...if I put on music there are only tears in my eyes annd heart. The children are so very supportive but they can not phathom how awful this lonesomeness can be.....they call so often and there are presents under my little tree but all I want is to have him in next room. Will it get easier? It's been 1 year..I've gone through all the landmark days of our life.....his birthday, my birthday, the day we found out that the incidious creature named cancer had invaded our life, our 50th wedding annniversary, the day he chose Hospice over more chemo ( while holding my hand and having tears in his eyes and that sweet little smile on his face) and all he did those last 6 weeks of his life, the late afternoon that I realized he was preparing to leave, holding his hand and talking to him all night along and throughout the next day......and finally telling him to let go and how much I loved him......and then calling the children to tellthem their Dad had died.

Oh how I miss him.

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