Lost My Mum 2 Mths Ago

[MissingMum]

Hi,

im Diane, My mum passed away 2 mths ago now she was 52, it was unexpected.

i hadnt seen my mum for a week cos she had a cold and i didnt want the kids all over her when she was sick, she did tend to pick up cold and flu's easily cos her immune system was weak. she had Rheumatoid Arthritis for around 20 yrs she found out just after we moved to Australia, the doctors here dont know much about the disease so she was basicly a guinee pig for there experiments, she had chemotherapy, radiation therapy was on so many different trial drugs etc.

i talked to my mum 2 days before her death on the phone and she did sound really coaky, but she always sounded like that when she was sick, she told me she was hurting on the one side of her body etc, i asked her if she has been to the doctors or hospital? she said 'no, i probly should have!' i didnt think of it then but now i think back to our conversation, its like she knew she was dying, like she already knew it was too late to go to the dr's?

i didnt want to keep her on the ph as i could hear that she wasnt well, so i said i hope you get better soon, bye mum, she said ok bye Di. That was the last time we spoke

2 days later on the 31 july at 2am, we get a ph call from my mums boyfriend(they had been together 14 yrs but didnt want to marry)

he said to my husband that my mum is really sick and he is calling an ambulance, he then hung up, my husband told me what he said and i was like ok, not really registering cos i was half asleep, then i called back 5 mins later he said put brad on the ph (my husband) he then told brad that she had gone and he was crying. brad got off the ph with him and told me, i said no she isnt he is over reacting, and got the kids out of bed and rushed over there.

i was probly doing 30k over the limit but i didnt care, when i arrived the ambulance was there, and the guy told me the news, i just broke down but it still didnt register, so i went in to see her. she didnt look dead, i thought she was asleep,i couldnt bring myself to kiss her or hold her hand though. so i patted her and said bye mum, your not in pain anymore!!

the police arrived shortly after and cos it was an unexpected death at home the coroner had to come and take her, they took about 4 hours! no joke.

everything from there was a big blur, i had to tell everyone in the family the news, family came over from overseas to be here. and had an awful amount of family drama, im the youngest out of the 3 of us siblings, im 25 and my brothers are 7 and 9 yrs older than me, i had to be the one holding everything together with the help of my husband, we had to take care of the funeral, my mums house etc and deal with all the mess that came with it. no-one was there for us, so i didnt have the chance to grieve or let any of it sink in. it has only just sunk in the last couple of weeks.

we found out the cause of death a couple of weeks ago and she died of Broncho Pneumonia. her lungs were probly that full that she couldnt breath i wish i would have known. i keep thinking back why didnt her boyfriend call the dr earlier? why didnt i go see her on my own to see hw she was? all the guilt keeps hitting me. she was also under alot of stress the last few mths as one of my brothers is a complete loser and did nothing but sponge of her and use her up! she also found out that we were thinking of moving overseas too(which i didnt want her knowing untill we were definatly going, as i knew it would have stressed her out)

my mum was the only one i was close to in my family, she was my mum but also my best friend and the best nan to my kids, she loved them more than anything. she always put everyone else before herself she never brought anything for herself, she loved to give.

its going to be hard on my sons 5th birthday next week as the kids birthdays were her fav time and she always brought the cakes, it was a tradition she wanted to do. but her not being there is going to be hard

sorry for my mammoth post, feels good to let it all out though. thanks for listening.

[green2010]

Hi Diane,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom a little over 2 months ago, also to lung issues. It was a sudden death as well. I didn't know she was that ill and neither did she. I guess maybe it's better that way since she wasn't in pain or afraid of anything. We were in the dark. The hard part about that is for the people left behind, because like you say, there are so many "what if's" and things you look back on and regret.

I wish I could give you advice but I'm in your same exact shoes so I have no clue how to deal with this. I was also only close to my Mom out of everyone in the family so I'm lost without her. She was my best friend and biggest supporter. I don't feel close to anyone else in the family. She was really my whole family in my mind.

I hope we both find a way to cope somehow. We have to make sure we are good to ourselves like our Moms would want us to be.

(((hugs)))

[MichA]

Hi,

I lost my mom almost exactly 6 months ago... For me the first 3 months were the most difficult - not that it's easy now, but now sometimes when i think of her i smile and sometimes i cry. It depends on the day and the moment and what is happening. I can say that i started writing my mom a letter, as if i was talking to her about anything i wanted to talk to her about. At first it was about her death and the circumstances, and now it's mostly normal things that we would talk about all the time. I do find it helpful, although she's not there to answer, i feel like she knows what's happening. Always remember to take care of yourself,

Michelle

[Joanne]

I am so sorry about your mom's passing. I lost my mom 5 weeks ago today and I am still having episodes of denial because it is too painful to accept.

I stayed at her house last weekend to be with her husband with my kids. That was soooo painful. I don't know how to get through this and I am sorry others are experiencing such extreme pain.

My mom was my angel. She has always been my best friend and my security blanket. She was 60 and died of lung cancer or pneumonia. We are not sure. She went in the hospital on a Friday and died a week later. She was o.k. when she went in however got worse and worse.

I wish I had words of advice but I don't. I am sooo sorry for our loss. Hugs

Joanne

[farawaydaughter]

Diane, do not blame yourself. Our culture and various healthcare systems almost seem to encourage waiting for something to get worse. I try to be proactive and my husband thinks I'm a hypochondriac. This is not your fault. I'm sorry for your mom's passing. My father died about 3 weeks ago. I have lung issues and my husband gets mad when I use my rescue inhaler in front of my son.

I'm glad you got to say good bye . I went thru something like that with my mom and I still think she heard me. She was brain dead.

You are younger than I so it becomes more expected as you get older. I will pray for your healing.

We are listening.