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Still Grieveing


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My name is Pauline, I lost my beloved dad on 5th August 2002 to suicide.

My dad was 75yrs old, and he was in hospital when he took his life.

I have so many unanswered questions which I know I will never get answers to, but it is so hard to just 'let go' of them.

I am on only child, and feel so alone now my dad has gone.

I also feel very guilty because I didn't go to see my dad very much when he was in hospital, he had mental health problems and it upset me so much to see him that way. How I wish I could go and sit with him now, hold his hand, talk to him, but of course I can't.

I find it so hard to remember things, normal things, like when I am at work, I often make mistakes because I forget to do something, or get something worng.

I hate feeling like this, and wish I could feel 'normal' again.

Thanks for listening to me.

Pauline

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Im so sorry to read of your loss...but sadly Im not in a possiton to say much to help you (in my own emotional mess Im afraid)....but I want you to know I read what you wrote and my heart goes out to you.....I will remember you in my prayers ....BIG HUG and I hope you feel at peace in time !

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Dear Bev,

Thank you for your reply, just knowing others care helps.

I am sorry you are struggling too, so many people are, it is hard to know what to say, I hope you too find peace soon.

Keeping you in my prayers.

Pauline

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  • 3 years later...

"I also feel very guilty because I didn't go to see my dad very much when he was in hospital, he had mental health problems and it upset me so much to see him that way. How I wish I could go and sit with him now, hold his hand, talk to him, but of course I can't."

Wow thats exactly how i feel...my dad was only 32 when he was killed i was 11, i remmeber him laying in the hospital and going in there and just seeing him laying there just dying..i remember holding his hand and feeling like omg im standing here holding a deads persons hand..i wish i could go back to that day theres no much that i would have said to him befor he left us but i didnt i was to busy thinking about myself and holding a dead persons hand that i left the room and never got to say what i really felt...its been four years and ive went back to the grave once and that was cause my best friend dragged me and it was only like two months ago i went four years without going and seeing him i regret it...

im also very sorry for your loss as well

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Hi Dad4you2003,

First of all I would just like to say that I am so sorry for your loss, secondly to lose someone to suicide is not the nicest of ways to lose them... I am so sorry that you are still having so much trouble dealing with everything that has happened to you... Myself I lost my mom while on vacation in Las Vegas in April 2005, and I lost my dad in August of 2005... My mom died from a diabetic coma which she never woke up from and my dad was diagnosed with non hodgkin's lymphoma in July of 2005 and died in August of 2005... I still feel guilty over my mom's death because I used to sneak her chocolate bars and it was my ideal to go out of the country for vacation... If I knew she had diabetis I would never of given her chocolate and if we stayed in Canada we might have gotten her to the hospital faster... I know it is alot of could have would have things but who knows.... Take care and I will pray for you Shelley

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