I Hate Valentine's Day

[babygirl]

I don't know how i will get passed this valentine's. My husband will be gone a year. My husband was going to pick up a friend of our's. he was at there driveway when he was t-boned. he was killed. The accident happened at 8:36pm and when the troopers came and knocked it was 11:45pm

[jordann]

I don't think anyone knows how they're going to get through Valentine's Day without the person that they love. My fiancee passed away Dec 4 of melanoma at 26 and I have no idea how I'm going to get through that day either. But, I try to focus on getting through today. I am so sorry for your sudden loss and for the grief that you are feeling right now. Know that you are not alone and try to find some type of comfort in that blessing.

Wishing you the best.

Nicole

xo

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

We’ve barely made it through the holidays of December and January, and now the stores are filled with hearts and flowers and candy, all of it in celebration of the gift of love. But February 14 can be a difficult day for many of us, and for some it will be the first Valentine’s Day since our precious Valentine died. For us there is no celebration; there is only grief.

I want to suggest that we do have a choice here. We can choose to embrace Valentine’s Day as a special day on which to commemorate our loved ones and to celebrate our love for them. Death ends a life, but it does not end the relationship we have with our loved ones who have died. The bonds of love are never severed by death, and the love we shared will never die either. This Valentine’s Day, let us find a way to honor our loved ones, to remember them and to show them that our love is eternal.

I will not forget you. I have carved you on the palm of my hand.

— Isaiah 49:15

The truest words of all: I will not forget you.

You are in my waking thoughts,

my sweetest memories, my dearest dreams.

I will not forget you.

You have touched my soul, opened my eyes,

changed my very experience of the universe.

I will not forget you.

I see you in the flowers, the sunset,

the sweep of the horizon

and all things that stretch to infinity.

I will not forget you.

I have carved you on the palm of my hand.

I carry you with me forever.

— Ellen Sue Stern, Living with Loss, 1995

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

[sheri adams]

My precious fiancee Andy died Nov.5. because of an infection that made his kidneys shutdown. I'm beside myself with grief. I can't imagine life without him. don't know how to make it

Sheri

[KathyG]

Marty, thank you for sharing the beautiful poem. It made me cry (but then again, most things do anymore).

I'm going to follow your suggestion about making Valentine's Day a day to honor our lost loves. That will give me a much-needed new spin on the holiday, because Valentine's Day had an extra special meaning for Bill and me and so I have been dreading it.

Bill and I met online in September 1995, and our relationship quickly escalated to long nightly phone calls. As our relationship developed, we desperately wanted to meet in person, but I was in Pennsylvania and Bill was in Arizona, and because of his teaching job, he couldn't take any vacation during the semester. So I made a leap of faith and flew to Arizona to meet him. The first time we saw each other's faces was on Valentine's Day 1996 - yet we were already in love. By May we were engaged and in July of that year, we were married. The next 11 years, 4 months, and 11 days were the happiest of my life - but this Valentine's Day, he and I will be together only in spirit. I will dedicate the whole day to him and memories of us together.

[Corinne]

Sheri,

I would like to say that I am truly sorry for your loss. The only way we all make it is by taking one moment at a time. I am very glad you have found this site it is full of warm and caring people. Please come back and post. You can post anything you are feeling or would like to say and not be judged for it. It really does help.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[sheri adams]

Corinne

Thanks for responding. I'm just checking this site out and am not even sure how to post my own message, so I just replied to someone else's. Did you lose a significant other?

I would like to talk more---Sheri

[Corinne]

Sheri,

Eleven years ago I lost my precious husband Jimmy he was my soulmate. He had colon cancer and commited suicide on Christmas morning. Then last February my fiance, the father of my two daughters went out drinking all day and decided to walk home through the woods in 17 degree temperatures without a coat. He did not make it and they found him in April. It has been very hard and there have been many ups and downs but it is very comforting coming here and letting my feeling out. As I said before you can only take one moment at a time.

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

Sheri,

I forgot to mention if you want to create your own topic you just need to go into the forum you want to post in and in the upper right corner it says add new topic. Just click on there and you can create your own post.

[Lynette]

I can agree with everyone, this Valentines Day will be a struggle for me. I lost my love; Mike on Nov. 15th and these first Holidays without him are very hard.

On Valentines Day, my Soul mate always treated it like it was the most special Holiday of the entire year besides our Anniversary. There hasn't been a Valentine's Day that I didn't get red roses delivered to me here at work. When we'd get home in the evening, we'd go out for a steak dinner and he'd give me some kind of jewelry. I felt like the luckiest women in the world. All these people around me that are talking about "What am I going to get my husband for Valentines Day?" I just want to scream, "Shut Up"! I know it's not their fault, just months ago I was feeling the same happiness. I refuse to even go down the aisles at the stores that have their Valentines Day merchandise out. All those hearts, candy, etc. I never want to see again.

I keep telling myself over and over, I will survive! We all will get through this and be much stronger individuals.

Happy "Friends" Valentines to all,

Lynette

[sheri adams]

Corrine

wow, that's quite a story! I'm so sorry, and for your girls too. What kind of help is there for them?

My daughter, Brooklyn is 10, my son Tyler is 8, and my youngest, Daniel is 5.

Andy was not their father but was an instrumental part of their lives.

They are having a hard time too.

we can talk later

Sheri

[Corinne]

Sheri,

My daughters are 7 & 8. When we lost John they were 6 & 7. My younger daughter Kayla I don't think really understood the concept of death but I had to deal with a lot of anger issues with her since she did spend all of her time with her Daddy when he was home. My older daughter Kerri did understand and she cries and she will talk to me about missing her Daddy and then she is OK. I knew my daughters well enough that I knew they would not talk to anyone about their Daddy so I have been seeing a therapist and relaying what they are going through. When John died we made a big move because his family was being really cruel to me so we all went through a lot of change really in a short period of time. The move was a good thing for us since they are now in a really good school and there are many more opportunities in this area for all of us. It did take some adjustment changing schools but they are doing much better. They do have therapists for children and some churches have support groups for children but that does not seem to be the way for us.

How long were you and Andy together? Are your children talking about him at all?

Hugs & prayers,

Corinne

[kayc]

Sheri,

I am sorry you lost your fiancee, and you and your children are grieving. You have found a very compassionate site where others have also gone through this and we help each other with our every days.