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"i Stay Sad A Lot"

Guest Gamer205

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Guest Gamer205

I lost my good friend on May 31st 2004 in a tragic car accident We had just talked the day before I had called him to warn him about the Tornado Watches we had in our area and he told me he would call me back that evening but he did not earler in the day he had ask me if I wanted to go with him the next day on a little get to gather him and his family was doing and I told him I would like to but could not but he understood he always used to call me back but this time was diffrent

The Next day I had tryed calling him all day and unto the evening but still did not get him I thought something was off but I never dremed I would be geting the news I would be hereing the next day

The next day I had got up and went out to my local Video game store to buy a game my friend had been on me and on me to buy it was his favorite game and being as close friends as we were I bought it I wanted the game as well so I got it and tryed to call him and still no answer

I kelpt on trying to call his house and I finaley got a answer and oh I'll never forget this his Aunt picks up the phone and I aked to talk to him and She Said I'm Sorry but Jason Died yesterday and his mom is in the hospital I was so shocked,

Me and my Friend Jason Did everything togther I knowed him for over 10 years and its just not the same I got him into pro wrestling and into gameing and its just not the same

my biggest regrat is just like friends do from time to time is fight over whats better and not agree on things sometimes We used to fight over what video game system was better the Playstation 2 or the Xbox I owned a Xbox and he had a PS2 and I feel so bad now because it was just stupid looking back and I never ment any thing by or diffrences

I liked the Xbox becaused it could Save with out the need of memory cards and how you could store music to it but I wished I had never started the "whats better" thing

I miss my friend so much its been hard him not calling any more and talking about wrestling and gameing and this May will make a year that he has been gone I wish I could have told him how much he was of a friend to me and how even tho I did not agree all the time I still thought he was the best,

Also May is going to be a big year in Gameing he loved gameing me and him was keeping track of the next wave of video game manchines were comming out at E3 this year the Big Video Game Devolpers Confrence it is Expected that they will Show for the first time the Playstation 3 and the Xbox 2 he would have really loved this he was wanting to get him a playstation3

E3 starts May 18th threw the 24th I think its in LA and he used to keep track right with me about E3 we would love all the new gameing news it was our favorite time of the year well it and Christmas

Things will never be the same

sorry if I rambled a lot its just its so hard to get over it I've had a lot of hard months and his mom is now liveing by her self he was her only Kid she had and I was one of his best friends its hard to call his mom because I worry about makeing her sad sometimes or what to say or how she is doing,

Anyway just thought I would post this is my first post here.

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Dear Gamer,

The deep love you have for your friend is evident in your post, and I’m so very sorry for your loss. You say that “things will never be the same,” and how right you are about that. This loss has forever changed the way you will look at the world and your place in it. You also say how bad you feel about those times you disagreed with your friend and how silly those “arguments” seem now – and yet, as you say, it’s only normal that good friends don’t always agree on everything.

Whenever we lose a loved one, it is only human to look back and think of all the things we should've or could've done differently. But we cannot go back and change the past, nobody is perfect, nobody can predict the future, and no one can know for certain when our loved ones will be taken from us. If September 11, 2001 or the tsunami in South East Asia taught us anything, surely it was this. What's important is that we learn from such an experience -- learn to treasure every moment, to say whatever we have to say to our loved ones while they are still here, while we still have an opportunity to do so -- and to let them know how much we love them not only by our words but also by our behavior. That said, when I read your message I was reminded of a lovely piece in Bereavement Magazine written by Darcie Simms entitled "I Never Said Goodbye". I am reprinting it here in hopes that it will bring some measure of comfort to you and to others who may be reading this. (See below.)

I also hope you know that it is never too late to say whatever it is you need to say to your loved one who has died. You can still find a way to speak to your friend’s spirit, whether that is through writing a letter, meditating, journaling, praying or any number of other methods. For example, you can find a place and time of quiet and solitude, and place your friend Jason in a chair across from you, and then say whatever it is you need to say. The point of any of this is not so much that your friend hears your message, but rather that you find a way to acknowledge, express and thus release whatever message you feel a need to send. It can be a very effective way for you to get past this feeling of regret.

I also want to encourage you to pick up the phone and call your friend’s mom. Sharing memories of Jason is a precious gift you can give to his mother, especially now, when all these months have gone by. Many people believe that bringing up anything that reminds the bereaved of their loss will produce pain and grief where none existed before, but usually this is not the case. It’s probably safer to assume that not a day (or an hour or a minute) goes by that your friend’s mother doesn’t think about her son who has died, and she may be longing to hear his name and to have the opportunity to talk with someone about her shared memories of him. For example, I think she would be just as touched as I was by what you’ve said in your posting about how close the two of you were and the interests that you shared, because it is so obvious how very much you loved Jason, too. Think of how pleased she would be to know that she is not the only one who remembers and misses her precious son.

Here is Darcie Simms' article:

I Didn't Say Goodbye

There simply wasn't time to finish the sentence or to make sure he had everything he needed: watch, money, schedule, notes, clean underwear. I had planned on having a nice, leisurely moment or two, simply gazing into one another's eyes, memorizing the lines that come in the crease of the face and breathing in the faint smell of soap and body talc. I had planned on a longer hug than I got, and I had planned on saying something more profound than, "Be careful."But, as usual, the day got away from me, and even though it was early, I was already behind. So, in the end, it was the dash to the door and the hurried-up hug that separated us that day. A kiss on the cheek, a wave of the hand, and we were apart; each turning our attention to our separate appointments, meetings and tasks. I didn't get to say goodbye. It was, in other words, the beginning of another ordinary day in the hurry, rush-rush world we so comfortably live in. It was so ordinary.

But it was not to remain ordinary and now the entire world will long remember that day, September 11, 2001, as a day of endings, a day of beginnings, a day of terror, a day of death.

The bombings of the World Trade Center and the Pentagon and the aborted attempt at another site by terrorists flying jetliners loaded with men, women and children will take its place in history as one of the most horrifying terrorist activities of all time. To use human beings as weapons of destruction is simply unthinkable, unimaginable, indescribable, inhuman, insane.

Forever, we are all changed. We weep for those who died, for those whose loved ones were lost in the destruction, for those whose hopes were crushed in the falling towers. We weep for those whose dreams of tomorrow will never be realized, for those who witnessed the horror and for those who felt it. We weep for those who lost their freedom, their spirit, their lives. We weep for ourselves as we realize how little we can save of any one day and how much hurt we can carry for one lifetime. We weep for the deaths of thousands and for the death of innocence for all of us.

It was just an ordinary day in early fall. And now, like so many other days, it is etched into the history books for the future to know. Each generation has had their historical marks to guide them through the passage of time and now September 11, 2001, has become one of those dates carved into the memory of every living soul. It was a dark day, and for many, the light has not yet returned.

It began as such an ordinary day, and now I'm wondering why my own grief has come back these past months as I have watched those newly struggling with their hurts. Am I grieving again because I did not "finish" my own grief journey? Did I fool myself into thinking that I was "over" my own grief? Or, am I "re-grieving" because I simply ache for the loss of life, security and innocence for our entire nation?

I have listened to the news and read the accounts of those directly involved in the bombings and have shared their grief as they face their own uncertain futures. I have listened to the ache of thousands of hearts who, like me, didn't get to say goodbye that day. Sometimes, we never get to say goodbye, and at other times, we have the opportunity and it just doesn't seem to be the "right word." So much grief has been spent on not saying a farewell. So much additional hurt has been felt because someone did not get to say goodbye. It was an ordinary day, and there was no special reason to say goodbye. No one knew it would be their last day. Hardly anyone ever does.

Over and over again, we have heard stories of cell phone calls made in the last horrifying moments to loved ones on the ground. We have read the stories of those calls made by brave men and women as they faced their last moments of life. Sermons have been preached and poetry written about saying goodbye. As a therapist, I have listened to thousands of bereaved lament their last words spoken to loved ones, and so many of them wept in grief over not saying goodbye.

Why do we spend so much time and grief over not saying goodbye? Why do we wash away the words we did get to say over a lifetime of loving someone with the single lament, "But I didn't get to say goodbye"? Why are those words so important that the lack of them creates a lifetime of additional hurt and pain?

Twenty-five years ago I did get to say goodbye. I knew the end of our son's life was approaching, and I got the chance to say goodbye and I didn't take it. In the last moments of my son's life, and years later, of my parents' lives, I did not say goodbye.

Goodbye? Why would I want to say goodbye? I wasn't through saying hello!

With the very last breath of my son's life, I simply said, "I love you." I was able to be with my mom in her final hours, and I did not say goodbye. I said, "I love you." And although I was not with my dad when he died, the last words I shared with him as I left his home on what was to be his last night, I kissed him and said, "I love you." And that is exactly what those cell phone calls said, too. They called to tell the world what was happening and then, in the last breath, they said, "I love you!"

Let go of the hurt you are experiencing if you did not get to say goodbye. You would not have said it even if you had had the chance! You would have said, "I love you." Goodbye is simply too final, too harsh, too forever. Surely our loved ones knew we loved them. Surely our loved ones knew we cared. And even if you don't believe they knew, you can do something about that right now.

Go outside, find your special star, and with all your might, whisper, speak or yell out loud, "I LOVE YOU!" Trust me, the universe is listening, and your words of love will travel far to reach the heart of those no longer within hug's reach. I guess you could yell goodbye, too, if you really want to . . . but why? Why let the grief of not saying goodbye rob you of the memories of what you did get to say and how you lived your lives together? Why let not saying goodbye steal away the joy of knowing your loved one was in your life and is still a thread in your fabric, to be woven forever around your heart?

Goodbye? I'd rather live my life so that my last words are, "I love you." We never know when an ordinary day will turn into a day that gets marked down in the family history as a not-so-ordinary day. But all of us can live our lives so we can leave with few regrets. Don't let the events of the past several months rob you of your hope, your passion, your joy in living. Let it become a lesson for all of us to live our lives as if there were only moments left . . . because that is all there really are anyway.

Moments, just moments, one after another, each special and sacred in its own way, each waiting to be etched forever on our memories or lost in the sea of millions of other ordinary moments.

I learned so long ago that any moment can be the last one, so I no longer waste too many of my moments. Oh yes, there are days when I simply plod through the moments, not even aware of their passing. It often takes a cataclysmic event to shake me out of my reverie and reawaken me to the specialness of each moment. Hopefully, those shake-up events are not as devastating as those of September 11, 2001. But even that day can have meaning if each of us makes a commitment to never let another moment pass without our being aware of its passing. Take advantage of the moments we have and spend them wisely. Spend them saying, "I love you," instead of wishing you had said, "Goodbye."

I grew up military, married military and gave birth to military, and goodbye has always been a part of my life. But I gave up saying it long ago when I realized "I love you" lasts far longer and feels so much better. Goodbye? I'm not through saying "Hello" and "I LOVE YOU!"

– Darcie D. Simms, Ph.D., "I Didn't Say Goodbye"

Bereavement Magazine, January/February 2002, pp. 38-39.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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Guest Gamer205

I forgot to mention that this is a wounderful website you all do a great job with this site I love the music when you first get to the site,

thanks a lot for your kind words,

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