azusaman Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 I find myself being insincere when people ask "how are you doing" ?? I say I'm fine when I'm really not. However, lately I'm not doing that bad and I still wear the grief mask....Does anybody else do this?? If you feel like you want to move on and people expect you to be in the grief zone, do you tilt your head and still indicate that you are grieving when you are not??? Do you feel waves of guilt if you laugh and all of a sudden, you think that you shouldn't... Just some thoughts I want to throw out.... Ted By the way, thanks for all the input from everyone regarding my visiting the gravesite Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Ted, dear, you may find this article helpful: Don't Say You're Fine When You're Not See also this thread: Are You Better Yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jsph110 Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Do you feel waves of guilt if you laugh and all of a sudden, you think that you shouldn't... its o.k to let them know that you are recovering and feeling well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azusaman Posted January 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Ted, dear, you may find this article helpful: Don't Say You're Fine When You're Not See also this thread: Are You Better Yet? Marty, I don't know if anyone has expressed this to you before but I want to say that you do an incredible job as admin. of this site. Your links related to the topic being discussed are right on! You deserve a big THANK YOU. Ted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rochel Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 Hi Azusaman, Gee, it is good to see you back on this site..."What are you Wearing" caught my eye... Yes, unfortunately we do tell people what we think they want to hear..different people, different stories...I find that if I don't want to do something someone asks me to do, I so to speak, play the grief card...this helps when I'm wanting to be reclusive and unplugged with the public...This really works if you are out and feel trapped and want to go home, you pull out the card...I guess we are all card carriers in this family until we can move on.... I like your questions...they really make a person think...I think we have all felt that guilt when we have heard ourself laugh and say, "Gee that feels good, where have I been"...........Bless you today, Rochel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PATRICIA ANNE Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 I find myself being insincere when people ask "how are you doing" ?? I say I'm fine when I'm really not. However, lately I'm not doing that bad and I still wear the grief mask....Does anybody else do this?? If you feel like you want to move on and people expect you to be in the grief zone, do you tilt your head and still indicate that you are grieving when you are not??? Do you feel waves of guilt if you laugh and all of a sudden, you think that you shouldn't... Just some thoughts I want to throw out.... Ted By the way, thanks for all the input from everyone regarding my visiting the gravesite Yes, thank you for that! This is my first time on board here and I was already glad I did it. You become afraid that if you don't say "I'm doing fine," people aren't going to want to be around anymore yet there is guilt in say it in the first place! How will you every be "fine"? Wishing you well. Pat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon3 Posted January 5, 2010 Report Share Posted January 5, 2010 "OKAY should be my middle name.....that's what I say. If I feel the person asking is really asking from the heart I will open up. If one person asks me how my Xmas was I think I will "spit fire".....but again for the most part I say okay. Welcome Pat...stay tuned in I am sure it will help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryo Posted January 6, 2010 Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 Hi Ted, I think a bit of honesty is all most people can handle who have not lost a loved one. When asked how I am I keep it short but let them know you don't get over this kind of grief overnight and if they don't understand I really don't care because I have been true to myself and my loved one. It has been 18 months next month and I am able to laugh alot but sometimes it is followed with the tears.Laughing is a positive sign, part of the healing process. Take care. Mary Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rochel Posted January 6, 2010 Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 Hi Mary Lou, Yes, laughter doeth good like a medicine... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted January 6, 2010 Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 Now, I guess I'm a little opposite. I get tired of telling people, I'm alright or OK or doing better just to make them feel good when at the time I may be dying inside and want to sit down and bawl my eyes out. Yes, there are days I am better and yes, it feels good to laugh, but it also feels good to be around people who let me be me whether it be happy or sad. The only problem is that for the most part that is all people that I have met that are in the same boat as myself. Someone who has lost the love of their life and no disrespect to them, I find that very sad. One of my main goals in life is to try to get people to understand that we would all be better if they would just let us be US. To let us talk, laugh,cry, mention or loved one and if we get tears in our eyes then so be it. They may be happy or sad tears but that is US. I pray with all my heart that even if I "teach" a few people to be accepting that maybe they will teach a few and so on and so on and maybe one of these days people won't need sites like this ( no offense Marty because it is wonderful) because people will finally "get it". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rochel Posted January 6, 2010 Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 Now, I guess I'm a little opposite. I get tired of telling people, I'm alright or OK or doing better just to make them feel good when at the time I may be dying inside and want to sit down and bawl my eyes out. Yes, there are days I am better and yes, it feels good to laugh, but it also feels good to be around people who let me be me whether it be happy or sad. The only problem is that for the most part that is all people that I have met that are in the same boat as myself. Someone who has lost the love of their life and no disrespect to them, I find that very sad. One of my main goals in life is to try to get people to understand that we would all be better if they would just let us be US. To let us talk, laugh,cry, mention or loved one and if we get tears in our eyes then so be it. They may be happy or sad tears but that is US. I pray with all my heart that even if I "teach" a few people to be accepting that maybe they will teach a few and so on and so on and maybe one of these days people won't need sites like this ( no offense Marty because it is wonderful) because people will finally "get it". Hi Mary Linda, I especially have gotten alot out of this site and will be forever grateful to everybody here that has helped me along in this grief journey...The world hasn't gotten it so far for 2,000 + years...so we need to encourage eachother because "here" we all know "what page we are on"....I can look back early on when I first joined this forum family, and my healing began here...other support systems were okay but here is where the rubber meets the road....where the love and encourage is....Bless you, Rochel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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