kayc Posted January 14, 2010 Report Share Posted January 14, 2010 Okay, it's going on five years for me, and I've made some really wonderful friends here, but some of you have drifted away and we've lost touch...I want to know how you're doing, has it gotten any better for you, if so, how? Most of all I just want to say "hey" and I miss you all! For myself, in some ways I adjusted and I've accepted George's death, although I miss him and always will...in other ways, well, time just doesn't march on! There is no one like him and never will be! Every once in a while I am surprised by an onset of tears but mostly I try to keep it all in check and not "go there"...it's too hard. The weirdest things still catch me off guard. Like remembering how he used to always wash the car for me, mow the lawn, take out the garbage, vacuum behind the refrigerator, change the oil...he was so fun at the holidays, he was my greatest fan and planned big surprises for my birthday, Valentine's Day, our anniversary, Christmas, Mother's Day, you name it, anything was a day to celebrate! I miss laying in bed talking with him on the weekends, we always could talk to each other, we were best friends. I miss gathering leaves together in the fall for a bouquet. I miss snowball fights and snow angels. I miss the love we shared. But I have gotten used to it, the being alone, for the most part. I guess I just realize this is how it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shhh65 Posted January 15, 2010 Report Share Posted January 15, 2010 Hi Kay! Just over 2 years for me. As you know, I'm at a campground in Alabama for the winter. I didn't know if I could do this without Harry. He loved it so much and was so looking forward to our retirement. I was talking to Mary Linda last night and I told her it seems odd but I do better when I am away. I think it's because every time I look out my kitchen window at home I'm reminded of seeing him laying there behind the shed. I guess I need to do some deep thinking about that. I've tried not to make rash decisions. It's the one piece of advice almost every other widow consistently gave me in the beginning. I miss Harry's silly sense of humor, the looks he gave me...even the ones I got when he was annoyed with me. Most of all I miss his unconditional love. Good to hear from you and I will defintely be getting on here more often to check out the new beginnings section. I pray the "oldies" are finding a sense of peace and finding their way down this path to some degree of happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted January 16, 2010 Report Share Posted January 16, 2010 Hi, Kay. It's good to have you back here in the neighborhood. I was thinking about Bob today when he was in the hospital. Bob was the kind of guy that didn't try to impress anyone. He just was who is was and it could come off as a little offensive to some. Here he was, the illness definitely causing him to mellow and the ammonia taking away his quick thinking. The nurse was asking basic safety questions to evaluate how rational his thinking was. She asked him what he would do if he was making toast and the toast got stuck in the toaster. Bob's reply, "Throw the toaster out the window." Then she asked what he would do if he fell and couldn't get up. His answer in a matter of fact way was, "Go to sleep." It totally cracked up his daughter and I because he was formerly known to have a pretty short temper and a guy that loved his naps and that is exactly what the "old" Bob would have done. Of course I got weepy thinking about it, because he died a couple days after. The "oldie" in me knows that it's okay and I actually saw it as a good memory - to have that last laugh. Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 I know what you both mean, I still have constant memories...I guess it never does really fade, does it? I try to live in the here and now, but it still comes unbidden, and that's all right. I guess if he just wasn't such a special person, maybe it wouldn't haunt me like it does, but he was...and it does. I wish we could hear from some of the others but maybe they're just handling it all alone. I still never want to lose touch with any of you though, you're all special to me. Sherry, I hope your camping trip is going well! I wish I were with you! I haven't camped since George died, it's something we always did together and I love camping and miss it...my dad always took me camping too when I was a kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shhh65 Posted January 20, 2010 Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 Kay, I wish you could be here too. I'd love to meet you in person and who knows, maybe we will. I feel certain God will provide a way for us to meet some day but until then we will continue to make our way down this path getting to know & supporting each other in this forum. Love & peace, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ustwo Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Hi KayC..........I'm still here but as you said "handling it alone", approaching the 5 yr mark. For me it's not lonliness.......it's the emptyness without Gene. Each morning I miss his smile, good-morning darling, kiss, and sharing the first cup of coffee. It's how each day starts. I end my days with a talk with God to show me what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life. I'm still waiting on an answer. My yougest son (36) and his wife were blessed with a baby girl on Christmas morning. I was flying in...litterly on the plane as she was to be delivered Dec 28th so it was a surprise. This new little tiny life should have brought so much joy into my life but all I could think about is she would never know the wonderful grandfather Gene would have been. All of my JOY left with Gene. I feel like an empty shell....I go through the motions but without emotions if that makes any sense. It is good to hear from you KayC. And it's again........a confirmation that I'm probably right where I am supposed to be on this journey........but I'm not alone. I know Gene wants me to be happy......I know George wants you to be happy......I just don't know what that is anymore. So again I start out the day...one step at a time. Always Gene! Always! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 22, 2010 Report Share Posted January 22, 2010 Hey Kay C, I have been here since the deaths of my parents, They passed away in 2005... I have been through so much but I have also come to realize that I have completed so much of my journal... I come back to this site for some pep talk when things or events happen that I just need a friendly reminder that it okay to feel this way... I am seeing a therapist for other reasons in my life and I will keep moving forward and this is what I want for everyone here... Not to get stuck but to be able to move forward...I Still have my parents remains with me and till we figure out what to do I will keep them safe... I think of my mom everyday and wonder what she would have done in certain situations... My dad on the other had I need to forgive more before I have any type of feelings again for him... I want to keep my mom's remains but the family can take dad's and throw them anywhere the want too, I do not care... Sorry so bitter but dad and I never had a good relationship... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted January 24, 2010 Report Share Posted January 24, 2010 I'm still here, alittle over four years. I say those words and it seems impossible. I wish others that were here in the beginning for me would post more often. I can remember each and everyone and the support they gave me when I could not go on. I don't post as often but try to help from time to time with my experience. Hope all of my "friends" are doing well, it would be great to hear from some more of them. Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 25, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 It is good to hear from all of you...I too wish people I knew from my grief journey would post more often but I suppose they feel like I do, what more is there to say? What can we do/think/say/try that we haven't already? It is harder than ever for me to hear the new ones on here, maybe because I know what it all leads to. But I miss my friends here. I don't expect anything from life, I've tried to rebuild my life and all it did was explode and crumble, so much for that. I do not have a pessimistic outlook, although that may sound like it, but I try to accept reality as it is. My life changed forever the moment George died and I know it will never again be what it was. He was so special, there just is noone like him and the love we had, well that will never be again either. I try to get through a day at a time, like the rest of you. I don't know that I find any particular meaning in life, it just is what it is. I try to survive my days, working hard, trying to do what needs to be done, but I don't find any permanence in anything, not in relationships, not in my job, not in my home, health, life. I miss George...the one person who understood me, adored me, loved me, had faith in me...the person who brought true joy into my life. How could I have known our time together would be so fleeting?! Evelyn, I'm so glad you got your beautiful granddaughter on Christmas, how very special a blessing she must be! I know you long to share her with Gene...and I believe he sees her and shares in your joy...I too wish he could interact with her...it is going to be bittersweet for me also when my children have babies for I know George would have been a wonderful grandpa to them. I share much of my life with Jim now, the weekends anyway, and he is a wonderful grandpa to his granddaughter and undoubtedly will be to mine when they come...he is kind of in the same boat as I am, he didn't lose anyone to death, but his 30 year marriage crumbled and I think he feels much the same as I do, that there was a time when things were a certain way and now they are no longer. Rebuilding is harder than one can begin to imagine. Finding the impetus seems to be the hardest part. It seems it has to be something from within and I just don't know where within to look. Shelley, I'm glad you had the kind of mom you can miss...mine was abusive and crazy and when she goes, I have no idea how to feel or react. I can better relate to your feelings about your dad. It takes however long it takes to process loss and one thing I've learned is we can't rush it. Deborah, I know you miss your Larry and you feel much the same way I do about my George...just be so glad you weren't so stupid as to make the mistakes I have made, which have only added to what I've had to go through, and not helped at all. Sherry, I admire you for doing the things the two of you would have done, how I wish I had your gumption, that is why I say I wish I were there! Kath, at least I have made a new friend in you and some others and at least that is the silver lining to the cloud we all share. I love you all and say a prayer for you today for some little bit of joy to come your way...however small, and that you may recognize it as such. Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Dear Ones ~ I consider myself a member of this distinguished Oldies group, too, since I've been with all of you since the beginning . I don't mean to interrupt this lovely conversation ~ I just wanted all of you to know how much it warms my heart to see each one of you here from time to time. I hope you see all the compassion, love and hard-won wisdom you've shared with one another, and with others on this site, as a beautiful testament to your loved ones who have died. After all, it is in your relationship with them that you've all learned what true love is. And this site would not be what it is without the special gifts each one of you has brought to it. You all are very, very dear to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 25, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Thank you, Marty. We appreciate all of the things you have shared with us as well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Marty, there is a bond with the people I have been lucky enough to share my grief with, like no other. This is where I have poured out my soul and shared my life and love with Larry to all who would listen. There isn't anything more special than that! With love, Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Marty Without you none of us would be here and wouldn't have gotten the help from others on this site. I'm sure we all toast you and thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Well, thank you all for one last cry before I turn in. Seems I still can't go to bed until 11:00, then up at 4:30 or 5am. You are all very special. It is all of you that kept me feeling "normal" and gave me a place to ask the questions no one else would know the answers to. I wish we could plan a camping weekend or something. Any place warm sounds good to me right now! And thank you, Kay. It is a privilege being your friend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Talking of OLDIES Has anyone heard from Jo got the keys? I'm almost afraid to ask but hope things are going well for her. If you've heard anything would you please post it here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanneC Posted February 3, 2010 Report Share Posted February 3, 2010 Hi everyone: I guess you can consider me an oldie. It will be two years in June for me. I miss not seeing everyone. Jeanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsha Posted February 4, 2010 Report Share Posted February 4, 2010 Kay - 2 years July 1st for me. I guess I'm between a newbie and an oldie. All of you who have posted here: I have spent many a night going through posts from the past years. You've made me cry, and laugh. Thank you, and I miss everyone, too. Hugs, Marsha P.S., sometimes I think we should have a separate heading called "down the road" so we could share these memories as well. There's still a lot to talk about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 4, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2010 Yes, a lot to talk about...how many weekends have we spent on line? How many 1:00 in the morning times? This has been the one place we could go to without fear of disturbing someone, knowing there'd be someone on the other end that cared, that'd be up, that'd answer. Sometimes it just helps to realize we're not alone, we're connected. Have you read the post in New Beginnings? It broke my heart... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsha Posted February 5, 2010 Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 I did, Kay, and it was heart rending. I wanted to reach through the computer and just give her a hug. Your answer was so kind and caring. I think maybe we can use this heading to reach each other, a little more often than we have been, when we need to hear that caring voice. Think about it...Hugs, Marsha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted February 5, 2010 Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 "Kay - 2 years July 1st for me. I guess I'm between a newbie and an oldie. All of you who have posted here: I have spent many a night going through posts from the past years. You've made me cry, and laugh. Thank you, and I miss everyone, too. Hugs, Marsha P.S., sometimes I think we should have a separate heading called "down the road" so we could share these memories as well. There's still a lot to talk about." Marsha, I'm not really sure where I fit either. I don't always feel ready to leave "Loss of a Spouse" and I don't often feel far enough along for a "New Beginning." It will be three years in May. It can't be true. I like the "Down the Road" tag. I wanted a heading called "Flopped Start" because it seems some days I just am not putting it together like I think I should. That's why it's so important to me to hear from the "oldies." There is like you said, so much more to talk about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrcelloboy Posted February 5, 2010 Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 Hi KayC. Yes, it's been a while. I married my "recovery" sweetie Melanie this past Dec. 7. Life is by far mostly positive. We had a bit of roughness when I cme out of my long (2-3 year) period of grief and depression recently and my more "manic" self appeared. Melanie had never seen this part of me (which is more "normal" for me, so we had some situations arise where our tension escalated to scary levels. At her request I began seeing a Psychiatrist and taking some med's to even ot my moods. I didn't fell much different in my thought proccesses, but she was happy that i was making the effort. Since then I've come to realize I may have an annual cycle of low-intensity Bipolar behavior; starting around Halloween and tapering off after New Years. Back to the good part... Melanie and I are both very affectionate and share many interests. I travel periodically for work and she's able to accompany me which is fun for both of us. We hike, bike, take pictures and love to eat. Life is good~! Maury Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 5, 2010 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2010 Maury, It's so good to hear from you! I'm so happy for you, CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU AND MELANIE! It's good to hear you're making headway and I'm so glad you have a life partner to share life with. She's really been there for you through everything, I think you found a keeper! Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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