Like Nothing Else

[JohnG]

The grief suffered by those of us touched by suicide is something that can not be described. I'm left with so many unanswerable questions, what does a final note reading "I am sorry, I do love you" explain?! All of the professional explanations that I read and even comprehend and understand don't stop my emotions from continuing to feel lost and abandoned. The sudden loss haunts me constantly. She is in every part of this house and I find no joy in that. The good memories lead me right to the horrific fact that this woman who I shared these memories with and who was loved immensely, destroyed her own life.

The sense of numbness and emptiness is a feeling that has left me shattered. I have so many wonderful people in my life but I sit and stare wondering what happened?! Therapy is helping but today and tonight I am lost.

I'm rambling I know but that is one of the worst things about my grief. My mind is a constant storm of thoughts that never take shape but are formed just enough to create confusion, I want to voice these thoughts so badly yet when I try it is nothing but a convoluted mess. I'll continue to try though.

Hopefully tonight in sleep I will find some escape from this horror with no answers.

[MartyT]

John, dear, I have no answers for you . . . I just wanted you to know that your voice is being heard, and your pain is being felt. You are in my heart tonight, and I am so, so sorry that this happened to you

[Susie Q]

Dear John

I admire your positive spirit even though you may not see it in yourself at the moment. And I wish you strength to help you through the dark times.

[Babs11]

Wow, John..I didn't see that one coming..

I often think why am I giving more than I can Honestly Handle..and I read your post..Man..You are also Another Strong Individual that I have met..I am So..So..Sorry for this Journey..because it has ALot of Questions???

I am by no way a Counselor just a Friend who has already experienced A Lifetime of Challenges(and this has been going on before my Husband passed).so I speak from what I Hear and What I Feel..and I Hope It Does One Person Good..Even for the Moment..Because you all Help Me Also...

What I can tell you and with not much Justification is that sometimes this World Just Wears People Out..I have found much Spirituality over the years and feel there is more to this and sometimes "We Just Need to Go Home" I won't put too much of that on you in case you don't believe in Life after Death..but I have some really good Websites and Research concerning this.. As I am writing this, I wonder is this better as a Private Conversation but I am here so I will follow through and Openly send..Of course your Lost and By the way you are in no way Rambling..I feel lost all the time right now..Amazing..What you all continue to give and what Kind Souls You Are..I have never been more Spiritual or talked of "My God" than in the last 5mos..I have proof..There is more Life..

John..Your wife had some stuff to work through and needs more help "There than Here"..She told you She Loves You and I know she means that with every ounce of Her Soul..Forgive Her..let Her Heal from Pains that have nothing to do with your Life..and Know when you meet again it will be Complete..Sounds Easy..I know. I too struggle..

Love and Peace, John and Wishing You Sweet Dreams. Babs.

[missyme]

John,

I can't imagine the pain surrounding you. I recently lost my brother and we are waiting to find out the cause of death.

There are NO answers and the plan doesn't always make sense. The only thing I can tell you is what I have been told which is that although it never gets any easier it does become more familiar. Which I hope to mean that we will always love and miss them but the pain won't be so acute taking our breath away forever.

All that I can do for you is offer prayer......

Michelle