My Sister,my Friend

[karmapoet]

I don't know where to start. I'm too sad to think straight. The grief over my sister's death is more than I ever thought possible. She died March 7,2003 of an accidental prescription drug overdose.Leaving my husband and I a 5 year old daughter. So now I have to deal with my own grief and hers plus my mothers who is worse than I am.We're doing alot better but everone thinks your fine because your going on with normal life but your not fine.Just pretending. No one understands that your whole life will never be the same. That the one person who would take your late night phone call and listen to you for hours go on and on about nothing is gone forever.There's people that say you can call them but it's not the same.She's the only one who understood what is was like to grow up in our family. The only one who "got" me.Who understood exactly what I was saying.I'm sorry this is so long,this is the first time I've ever written feelings down.I could go on forever. If anyone knows what I'm saying please reply. Thanks

[Guest Guest]

Im so sorry to read of your loss.........I cant even imagine how it must feel to lose my sister.I hope I never find out...but my friends sister was killed in an accdent last year and I know her pain only too well......

I wish I could say something to make you feel a little better but my own emotional state isnt at its best at the moment !However....Im thinking of you and wishing you strength as you struggle through this very difficult time.

Big hug

[bev]

Hi sorry that last post was by me....I didnt realise I wasnt logged in !! so I appeared as a guest !

[Guest Shannon]

I think I can understand how you feel. I did not lose my sister but a very dear friend (she was another mother to me). She died of cancer this past April. She was more a mother to me and grandmother to my kids than my real mother is. She was the one I could call late at night or early in the morning and tell my troubles to. She's the one who went places with us and made "blankies" (the only things they will sleep with even now) for my kids. I miss her so much that my heart just aches. I just wish I call her. My kids also miss her. They often tell me "I wish Grandma Tomi didn't die, I need my stuffed animal fixed". I still pick up the phone to call her sometimes and just end up in tears. If I could just talk to her one last time......

Hang in there and know that you are not alone in your feelings!!!!

[Infenitr]

I know what you are talking about. We just buried our oldest sister on Wednesday. Her funeral/homegoing celebration was the best that I have ever attended. I came home today from Indiana where she lived. I cried several times on the drive home, and when I got into my bedroom, I listened to her voice on my answering machine and cried some more. I wrote in my journal opposite the page where I had prayed for her healing from cancer. I cried some more. All I can think about is the long telephone conversation we had especially on Sundays after she moved from St. Louis, Missouri to Indiana. I could tell her all of my joys and troubles and she could tell me anything that she wanted. We prayed together on the phone and cried together. None of my other seven siisters knew as much about me as she did. I feel lost without her. As I am writing this, I am crying again. I don't mind the tears, I mind the void that is developing in my heart.

I lost one of my brothers in 1982 and I thought that was the worst pain I could feel. This does not even compare. I lost my Dad in 2001, and the pain was no where close to this. I know that with time I will be able to think of her more often without tears. I know that she is in God's care and not in pain anymore. I know that Jesus was with her when she left. Even though I know all of this in my mind, my heart still aches so much. We talked on the telephones mostly on Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays. What will I do when Sunday comes again?

[Guest Guest_Kathy]

I lost my sister 1 1/2 years ago. She was diagnosed with cancer and died 6 weeks later. The pain has been devastating. It has effected every aspect of my life. I want to be a better person for knowing and loving her, but I find myself not handling things well emotionally. I know she would want me to do better than this.