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It's Hard


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She wasn't just a friend to me, she was like a sister. It has been almost four months now but not much has gotten better. I had thought before about what I would do if i lost a friend, but never expected it to happen. Even in my worst thoughts I didn't think it would hurt this bad. I am not able to put these feelings into words. People tell me that it is better to talk about it and that they are there whenever I need to get it out, but I am not able to. I can't find a way to get all the emotion out. I am able to forget sometimes, and go on with my life. This girl meant so much to me though, it is hard to get excited about things now. Sometimes I don't even see a reason in going to school, or getting out of bed, or doing anything really. It feels like nothing else matters, because nothing is how it used to be. I had everything figured out and I was happy, but then overnight my life was twisted and torn apart. The worst part is the feeling of helplessness. I am the type of person who likes to be in control. I hate how there is nothing I can do to change an event that has so greatly altered my life. With the feeling of not having control over it happening, I feel like i have lost control of all aspects of my life. I feel selfish when I do things only thinking about myself. I just want to be able to take back control of my life.

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  • 1 month later...

I feel the exact same way you feel. My name is Katie and I too feel selfish sometimes. I feel like I can't do anything without feeling quilty. I have lost a lot of people and if you ever come across my post (my name is babybrat07) you will see what I mean. In my post you will find that I lost my grandpa who I shared my birthday with. I hate celebrating my birthday because so badly do I want to have fun but then I feel guilty because I am able to do that and he can't. I hate that he isn't there with me having fun. I think the best thing is talking about it because it gets so much lifted off of you. I can honestly say that it truly helps to just talk about it. I also want you to know that I can be a friend and I have a really good ear and I am a good listener if you ever want to talk.

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  • 6 months later...

My name is samantha, when i was 12 years old my best friend in the whole world died suddenly. It wasnt peaceful eaither. She drowned at age 11 1month before her birthday. I was 12 at the time. She was playing that game, ya know who can hold their breath the longest and she was under but when she came up she inhaled alot of water. She stood up and went over to the ladder and she was weezing. She got up and the ladder and fell backwards but her cousin caught her. They pulled her out of the pool and layed her down and ran for help. Her 13 yr old sister was sitting with her saying come on, are you ok , breath please. Her father and grandfather did cpr right away but fromt he second her sister layed her dow and all the way to the hospital, she hadnt breathed once. Normally they can revive people when that happens, but something went wrong in her body. I know whe people die everone says how great they are, but i had never ever met a nicer person than her. She was never mean, alway, always smiling and happy. If you were down she would cheer you up. She was the best person i had ever met. It has been 1yr and 2mos and i am still grieveing like crazy, people say it gets easier but it hasnt. I miss her like crazy....she was only 11 years old

Rip Elizabeth 9-2-92 * 8-10-04

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