Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

A Sad Message From Aus.

Recommended Posts

I live ‘Down Under’ as a lot of you guys would say, in Sydney Australia.

I am new to this Forum but have been visiting for the last week since I accidentally discovered it.I suppose I was comforted to know there are people even on the other side of the world feeling as I do.

June and I worked together as carpenters and June was doing a home extension with me just 10 days before her diagnosis. She went into hospital on September 1st with suspected Gall Bladder pains but it was Colan Cancer with secondries on the Liver.Two surgeries and 3 rounds of failed Chemo later I lost her on December 3rd.2009.My pain at the moment is the memories of watching her for that last 3 months. I gave her 24/7 during this time but the memories haunt me. We were going to ‘ease down’ by July then retire but this wasn’t to be. She had type 2 diabetes for the last 13 years of her life and I feel the problems related to this disease (she was about to go on insulin) maybe helped to shield any warnings of the cancer.

I haven’t worked since she became ill so maybe losing her and not being busy is giving me too much time to think. Our son lives in L.A. and is suffering because he couldn’t get back at all due to commitments but our daughter and 2 grandchildren (5 and 7) are only 10 minutes away but I miss her the most when I’m with the grandchildren so I spend most of my time alone. We were together for 49 years (47 married) and we were never parted for more than 24 hours during this time and we also worked together for the last 33 years of our life together. Her death is not as all consuming as it was but the triggers are so unexpected. Listening to music is the major problem because during this 33 year working life together (in the 70’s and 80’s) 13 years were spent singing full time in our own ‘Country Rock’ band and as June’s repertoire was about 200 songs of all genres it’s usually one of the songs she sang that does the damage. I hope the Rose Kennedy quote below has some truth.

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

Regards Frank G

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Frank G,

First let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I also met and worked with my husband. We were married 25 years and together 28. Pat lost his battle with prostate cancer 6-23-09. We only had 9 short months after he was diagnosed. After 8 months, I have some good days but there are days that are quite difficult still. Driving to and from work are one of the hardest things. Like you, I also have trouble with certain songs. When I hear them the memories start flowing ...... and the tears. It is wonderful that you have good family support. I don't know what I would do if it wasn't for family and some very close friends. I have gotten pretty good hiding the emotions when I am around them because I am afraid that it will make them feel uncomfortable, although I know that they would be there for me. Everyone handles their grieve in their own way. I find comfort in journaling. I feel that I am stilling sharing things with him. Just remember to take care of yourself. This is a very difficult journey that we are on. You may take one step forward and two steps back That is okay. You have found a wonderful site with alot of caring people that truly understand what you are going through. Come here to talk, there will always be someone here to listen.

Take care,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Frank G.

I am so sorry for your loss. My story is similar to yours and to Kat's also. I lost my husband Dan on Feb. 13, 2010. We also worked together - first in construction and the past years with our video stores and pizza restaurants. We were rarely apart. A few years ago, my son who was madly in love with his new wife actually told me his Dad and I were just too attached to each other. Dan also had colon cancer that had spread to his liver before it was discovered. We sought treatment at one of the top cancer hospitals in the nation, MD Anderson in Houston. They were good and gave him some time but still the end came very fast. Literally, half of me is gone. Your story is so similar to mine. I am new to this grief but already I find those little unexpected things to do the most damage. A song, a tv show, or magazine he liked can bring me to tears at any given time. I cannot offer you any advice,you probably know more than I do about this, but I am learning that there are many people on this site who do offer comfort, empathy, and encouragement.

Wishing you the best


Link to comment
Share on other sites

When my husband died, our daughter was 4.5 months old. I recently told a friend that before I got pregnant, every time I saw a family or a baby, I was sad, perhaps jealous (it was a very long road for us to get pregnant). After Scott died, everytime I saw a father with his child, I was so incredibly sad, and for a short while, resentful. Thankfully, though the sadness remains, the resentment has not remained.

In truth, though every single day I feel such a great deal of sadness that Scott is not here to experience his beautiful daughter grow up, and I worry about how I am going to manage as a single mother without not only a male influence in Kailyn's life, but without the absolutely unique and wonderful father he would have been to her. That said, she is my precious gift from Scott, my saviour. I do NOT know how I could have survived without this precious little girl. It may sound trite, but my man lives on in her, just as your wife lives on in her grandkids.

I am so glad you stumbled into this forum, as there are many people who are here to help you through the rough times, and you may find some fufillment in helping others.

Hugs from Canada,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...