Getting Past The Anger

[Kindred]

I lost my mother and my uncle within 4 months of each other. My uncle was more my father than my real father ever was, and they were the last members of my family. I miss talking to them SO much ...

My mother was ill for some time and I had to leave a job I loved and move back home to care for her, I couldnt find work in my field and was unemployed for two years. I went through my savings paying her medical expenses and my own living expenses, and maxed out a line of credit and my credit card.

I ran up over $14,000.00 in debts looking after my mother. Her estate was supposed to go to me to settle these debts however after her death I found out my brother and sister had "tricked" her into signing all her accounts over to them and they abscounded with the whole estate. On top of it all I was left to pay for her funeral as they refused to, and the grave stone. I was then forced to sell my house in order to settle these debts, and that didnt cover them completely - I stil owe over $7000.00.

I was in shock, still am, that my brother and sister could do this to me. They are both wealthy, I am partially disabled single parent and can only work part time and have a very low income.

During this period I also had major emergency surgery, and it took nine weeks for the incision to heal completely - the incision was left open to heal from the bottom up and everyday I had packing removed and pushed back into it again. The pain was terrible, so it was pretty well the WORST time of my life.

I went through most of this on my own as my "partner" was working away from home. When I would phone he was never in - I later found out during this awful time, when I NEEDED support the most he was cheating on me. He started this affair the same day my uncle died --

Now he seems to think I should just "forgive and forget" and "can on with it" and pretend nothing happened - and now that he's confessed and the OW wont see him anymore its pretty well "ancient history" and not something he is going to spend anytime dwelling on - the other day he told me he had gotten over it and couldnt see why I hadnt.

Its been three weeks since I found out and before that he would start fights everyday, claimed it was "stress" but never was able to say what this "stress" was, now I know - it was the guilt, the lying, the fear of discover --

I am SO angry that there are times, many many times when I would like to see him dismembered and bleeding - I cant seem to get past the anger. I have never had the chance to grieve the loss of my mother and uncle and went straight from the funeral to the lawyers to find out there was no estate even though I was the soul heir, my brother and sister never visited my mother for years - then was immediately caught up in selling my house, financial matters - and the fighting and problems with my partner --

It is all history I guess - the deaths happened months ago, so did the cheating, but I only found out about the cheating 3 weeks ago - HOW does one get past the anger? Its the only feeling I have left for my brother, sister and partner - and I dont like being angry all the time.

I am still grieving the loss of my mother and uncle and go back and forth between being So angry and feeling so alone in the world -- there is no one left to talk to, no one to offer a shoulder to cry on - sometimes I feel as if I am broken into pieces and cant go on -- I cant sleep, cant eat, I have lost so much weight that I am down four sizes and thats starting to worry me, but everytime I do eat I become sick - I feel so betrayed and so alone...