It's Almost A Year

[dawnsdream]

In the span of less than four years, both of my parents died at in-patient hospices. It's hard to loose them in your early 40's because as others have said, "am noone's daughter anymore". The strange part is my father who died first, of melanoma, was my hero. The grief for dad was all encompassing but even though mom & I didnt get along very well, this grief is even harder? When a bill from one her dr visits a year & a half ago arrived the other day, the grief came up fresh again. Then I realized tomorrow it is one year since we admitted her to the hospital. She died a month later after enduring amputation of her diabetic leg but complications from her chest tube took her. Anyways, if it hadnt been for Hospice of the Valley sending a newletter yesterday & leading me to this forum, I dont know, was ready to loose it!

With my mom gone, I went a little nuts & some of you may relate to this, or for others, perhaps you will feel a little more sane. I quit my job of 18 years on a technicality. Moved myself away from AZ after 22 years, to Calif with my fiance, broke up with him & moved to New England all alone. Have heard of others loosing it for awhile but we will find our center again.

Thank you for letting me tell my story.

[JCL]

I can relate. I am 48 and not married and have never had children and I lost my mother to complications from the Dialysis Catheter they put in her chest after they did progressive amputations over a three month period.

Even at 48 I feel that I am too young to be without a mother. It all seems completely unreal. If it were not for the fact that I have an older brother and my father to be there for, after my mother's death, I bet I would have done something rash, like sell the house and pack up and leave and create some completely new life in a totally new setting.

New England sounds great. The most crazy things I have done since my Mom died, is to eat many things that have not been healthy for me and to let the house get really messy, but I hope to start getting a handle on that now.

[dawnsdream]

Thank you JCL for your reply. I am sad to hear your mom had to endure more than one amputation. When we feel sorry for ourselves, we discover others have gone through much harder trials. New England is a great place to live & am beginning to pick up the pieces & put them back to complete the puzzle again. I too am unmarried with no children but my brothers via long distance have been more supportive than I would have ever thought. Surround your borther and father with your love.

[tootie]

Dawnsdream,

I know what going through an amputation is all about.

My mom did not have diabetes, she had rhumatiod arthuritis.

She had to have her left leg taken & when it was to the point that they were going to have to take the other leg, she gave up. She hated the idea of having to live in a nursing home again.

She had to be in one when she broke both her legs at the same time, & then again when she had knee surgery. So she had spent over 2 years total in them. She hated being of sound mind & not being able to take care of herself. Losing any loved one is hard, no matter how old you are.

I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, & I am thinking of you.

Tootie

[dawnsdream]

Tootie,

Thank you for taking time to reply. You are right; it helps me feel like I am not alone in this. They took my mom's right leg which would involve not only learning to walk again but possibly driving a car with controls on the steering wheel. At 70, this was too much & think she also gave up. My family are strong Christians & praising Jesus' resurrection on Easter sunday in church was joyful, though I was sad without my parents, I derived comfort knowing they were in heaven praising Jesus directly on that day! Beginning to feel like I am on the other side of my grief. Dawnsdream