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Hi Nats,

I am happy also that you have a good friend, it is good to have someone to talk to and to go places with, Today was a tough one, we were all at my sons house, he made johnny's favorite dinner, ravioli, stuffed artichokes, and good italian bread, I bought 2 helium balloons, had the grandkids write notes, attached them to the balloons, and let them go, the kids stood in awe watching the balloons go to heaven to grandpa, very emotional day, then my daughter in law made a cake, the kids sang happy birthday, blew out the candles, and that was it,, tough tough day, I miss him so much, my insides feel like a pretzel tonight. I hope that i feel better tomorrow.

Take care

God Bless

Karen

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Karen,

I can only imagine I have my stressful day Thur 6/17/10 that would have been our first anniversary so I know already it will be a rough day but all I can do is take it head on, there's nothing I can do to change the fact that Ruth is in heaven, so I'll being dealing with it however God's planned it...as hard as your event sounded I think it's good you and your family could do that, recent small changes I've made and things I've done have given me some closure to the physical aspect, your's should also....I pray you feeling better...

NATS

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Hi Nats,

Was very drained today after the weekend, I tried to relax and get myself together again, went out to the post office, and to get some food, came home and tried to relax, Hope tomorrow is better, for all of us,

God Bless

Karen

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Hello Everyone,

Well tomorrow would have been Ruth and mines 1st wedding anniversary, I'm already having waves of grief and tears, I'm progressing well but I guess this is one of those days/events that no matter how I'm doing I'm going to feel the loss and emptiness....Ive posted a note on her Facebook account just as if she were here, that may sound funny but it makes me feel better, so off to work today and tomorrow will be another day to deal with.....

NATS

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Hi NATS, Just checking in, I haven't talked to you in a couple weeks. I am still having my days but seemed to have gotten a little relief. I'll be wishing you and Ruth a happy anniversary and a good day tomorrow. I think the Facebook post is a nice way to honor your wife just as if she were here. She is still here very much in spirit and obviously in your heart. Take care.

BW

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Nats:

I hope you passed this tough day as best as possible. And the facebook post is lovely. Shortly after Scott died, I sent him an email. And I will never forget the beautiful post a friend put on his facebook site: "Goodnight, Sweet Prince."

Take care,

Korina

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Bill, Karen and Korina,

I made it thru the day/night OK had some rough spots but that's to be expected....thank you all for the kind words and posts.....I've been staying busy, I've repainted and redecorated the master bath as that was her's and I'm now making it mine more for a man....it was hard but she wanted it finished (we started to remodel last year before she got sick) and I know she'd be proud I'm finishing it and making it mine....I've been spending time with my friend Brenda and it frightens me how close we are growing, it's almost as if God has brought us together, but as she pointed out a very REAL FACT with the closeness we are finding and where ever this takes us, one of us will have to go thru this whole grieving process again....WOW did that hit me hard, but it has not changed my feelings, just approaching things more cautious....she made me cry when she said maybe I'd be lucky and go first, that really lets me know she cares and does not want to see me hurting...as I mentioned she lost her husband 11 months ago, so she knows what it's all about and really helped me get over some major issues...anyway my kids just say "Dad do what's in your heart and where God leads you one day at a time", so that's what I do....

God Bless you all....

NATS

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Hi Nats,

I am glad that you got through the day, it is so tough, I am anticipating fathers day now, my son is coming over with his wife and children, and I know that Johnny was not my father, but he was the father of our children, so I don't want it to be a repeat of last week, with his birthday. I am happy that your friend Brenda has helped you get through some of the tough days, that is really good. and so wonderful that you have company and maybe someone to go have dinner with. Your children sound wonderful, telling you to go where god tells you, that is very understanding. It is good that you are making the bathroom and bedroom yours, you are a strong person, and I admire you for that. I went to the gym for the first time since johnny passed, not that we used to go to the gym, but we used to walk around a park that was a 3 mile walk every day, I can't go back to the park, and I didn't want to walk anymore, but my son added me onto his membership at bally's, a few weeks ago, and finally today, I was bored, nothing to do, so I decided to try, I went and I walked on the treadmill, maybe that will give me a place to let out some anger and frustration. I don't know Nat, I feel so alone, sad, scared, angry, everything, I don't think I will ever feel normal again.

Take care

Karen

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Karen,

Glad to hear you went to the gym, that should be a good outlet for you and allow you work off some stress....as far as the park Ruth and I used to walk also and I think the best way to heal oursleves is deal with things like that head on, kinda like getting back on the horse after falling off...in fact I'm going to walk the lake and trails we both used to walk, sure I'll cry and feel sad but you know what? I'll be stronger afterwards and it will allow me to feel I'm back in control...because as I've said before "I Refuse to be held hostage by grief"....your right about feeling normal again but we must learn to find a new "normal" feeling by ourselves, it will take time but it will happen as God wants it to...

NATS

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Hi Nats,

You always have a kind word, thanks, you are right we have to meet our fears head on, it is not easy but it is true afterwards you feel a little more in control, you are very wise, thanks for helping me out. I had my son, my daughter in law and the kids all day today, so we were able to get through father's day, My son got my car in tip top shape, changed the battery and the fan belt, I didn't want him to do it today, it is father's day, and he is a father, but he insisted. I am glad that Johnny's birthday and father's day are behind me, I had a lot of anxiety about them. Well I better try to get some sleep, I didn't sleep solid the past few nights, hopefully tonight I will, the kids knocked me out.

God Bless

Karen

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Karen,

So happy to hear I can help even a small amount it's God's way to help and it gives me comfort knowing I've helped someone, glad to hear your day went well, I worked and heard from my boys and stepdaughter, she was Ruth's daughter and taking the loss of her Mom very hard...she is just now starting to talk to me again via messaging so we have a start...I was off work today so I stayed busy today with a dentist appt., getting cell phone replaced and my friend Brenda came over for dinner I made some chicken quesadilla's with a side salad, we had a nice evening...I've had some sleeping issues also I hope we both get that under control we need our energy...I'm going to make it an early night as I'm very relaxed tonight, so take care and I pray you get some rest...

NATS

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Karen,

I for one am very glad your son helped you out, God bless him! Those are the things that make me so grateful, any time anyone does those things for me that I don't know how to do. My son had to work on my riding lawnmower this weekend because it quit steering and also wouldn't start, it didn't take him that long, the steering linkage had popped out and he put some starter fluid somewhere and aired up the tires, and I was able to take care of the lawn. Jim replaced the shield on my weed whacker and fixed the spool with some new string and I'm all set. I hate the helpless feeling I get when these things stump me! I can always pay them back with a good dinner and a pie! :)

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Hi Nats,and Kay,

I feel the same way, I hate to ask them to do things, they are so busy with their own things, but like you say we are blessed to have them, It seems everytime they come to visit me there is something that they fix, I try to do things myself, pulling ladders upstairs to change lightbulbs, and whacking the weeds, and I try to do it, but the car was my husband's thing, he was the mechanic, and always did everything for it. I haven't driven in years, but since this, I have been going a little at a time, I have no choice, I must drive. this really stinks, I wish he was here, this is just so hard, Hope you had a decent day today Nat, I try every day to have some peace, I hope that we all find it one day.

Take care

Hugs

Karen

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I lost my husband of over 55 years on May 2nd. I was in the same boat. I cared for him through the lung and then bone cancer, through all the treatments, and last two months 24 hour care at home. After falling he was put in the hospital and passed away after a week and a half. I never left the hospital unless a daughter was there so I could run home and clean up and then go back again. I would have done anything for that man, but all I could do was be there for him and try to get him to eat, drink, and take pills, which he finally refused to do. He knew it was over I think. My thoughts and prayers are with you Nats. I feel like I have no life any more even tho I have a large caring family...

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Granny14,

Thanks for your thoughts, I'm sorry for your loss and feel your pain, we all will get thru this it's so hard at times to imagine,

I focus on the happy times we had and remember the love we shared, I also remember how she taught me the true meaning of love having never been loved like that from anyone, I know it seems hard but with the help of God and everyone here I find strength, and I've found a special friend which helps, I still miss my wife but it is getting easier...I pray you will find some comfort in the days to come....

NATS

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  • 1 month later...

I'm not starting a new post as I am using this as my journal....Well today is a rough one for some reason the feeling of emptiness is so intense, maybe because I've been dealing with the attorney trying to get a status of her estate case ( very long story )...I also had to request the records from my most recent Dr.'s visit and copies of the x-rays in prep for my second opinion of the nodule they spotted on my lung...I'm scared and wish Ruth was here to hold me and talk it thru...my special friend Brenda has been a God send in supporting me and keeping me up but when she's away I'm lost at times...part of the problem may also be day off alone and my routine was broke today by no lunch with my son as normal...so going to get out of the house and do some shopping, pick up some take out and do some minor plumbing repairs at my friends house and have dinner afterwards, gotta keep a positive outlook and my faith in God, and I'm going to enjoy ever second of my life, somehow, someway everyday...

‎"The purpose of morality is to teach you,

not to suffer and die, but to enjoy yourself and live"

Ayn Rand Author

May God Bless Us All....

NATS

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Hi Nat,

You sound like you had a lot of stress today, you have a lot on your mind, but Ruth will give you the strength to get through it all, I know it, and your friend will also help you. I love your quotes, they are wonderful. In my thoughts and prayers

Hugs

Karen

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Thanks Karen,

Your words of encouragement also help, today was better back to work but comming home I had to stop and sign

release forms for my records to be transfered and again I felt scared and emotional, I just keep praying and giving thanks for all I have been blessed with and ask God to take control and let me ride his back for a little while...knowing how much God loves us eases the stress a ernormous amount, all we have to do is ask...

NATS

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Often have wondered how people with no faith survive. That is what keeps me going at all. Know my husband is in a far better place and out of the horrid pain now. Nats hope all you reports turn out good. Will be thinking of you and praying all is well. Up and down life seems to go after such a great loss. Hugs to you, Marion

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Marion,

You are so correct how do they survive?

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, the prayers will be returned for you that

may God Bless and comfort you...I have seen my x-rays as they gave them to me on CD for

my visit to the Moffitt Center, my friend Brenda and I viewed them last night on PC and the spot is

small and we're praying it's nothing major also...take care and I will keep all posted...

NATS

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Nats, praying also that the spot is nothing major. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Your comments on this site have helped me very much throughout the past few months, your faith is awesome. In spite of great grief you have a wonderful outlook on life, and that is your faith coming through. I am so happy for you that you have your good friend Brenda. Keep us posted on the medical issue.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

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Nats,

You are going through so much, I just want you to know my prayers are with you.

Kay

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Queeniemary,

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers, the Bible tells us to help others more than ourselves and speak the the word of God, I was lost many years but 12 years ago I ask God to come back in my life and help me overcome alcohol abuse in AA as a result I am a recovering addict and have not touched a drop since....It gives great pleasure in knowing my thoughts and faith have helped at least one person, that being said I know I'm doing what God wants and I'm completing parts of my mission here on earth one day at a time....I've been so blessed with Brenda comming into my life I truely beleive God brought us together, she lost her husband a year ago 8/1/09 and is playing a major roll in my healing, what's so ironic is she is my wife's niece and the first time she came to visit Ruth at the house last year after her husband passed a voice told me we would be together after Ruth left to be with God, I disregarded all thoughts of that and figured I was just thinking stupid things, now I know the connection sounds out of place but see Ruth was 9 years older than me so Brenda is my age, we just take our combined grief and turn into positive energy with Gods help and we both are learning to live again one day at a time....today is one week short of 6 months of Ruth joining God and each day I still miss her and cry often but I feel her presence ever so much and hear her voice guiding me, so I am indeed blessed and without my faith and beliefs in God I'm sure I would not be where I am today......

Praying for all grieving the loss of there loved one...

NATS

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