Recent Loss Looking For Answers

[nats]

Well I made it thru the week now I have the

lonely 3 days off and wondering what I'm going to do,

I have a few things planned and going to try and remain

positive, I look froward to these days as I'm very tired

but they are so hard to deal with, and being off with no one to enjoy

my time with I'm finding is not much fun...I can't keep pushing

and staying so busy as I'm running myself down but I can't find that

comfort level maybe some of you can offer so tips....

NATS

[kayc]

Nats,

I'm sorry, somehow I missed this post. I'm sorry for your loss. You've found a wonderful site here, there are many others who are going through the same thing and can relate.

For what it's worth, It will get more copable but it does take time.

[Korina]

Nats:

Do you like to read, or just watch tv? Is there anything that you enjoy that you typically have done on your own in the past? I have found that reading a novel or just watching tv helps me to escape for a while and doesn't take too much energy. And though we have to return to reality, a little escape now and then can give our brains a bit of a break. This is my experience, anyhow.

Korina

[Maryo]

Nats,

I also am so sorry for the loss of your wife. My husband died July 2008. This was one of the hardest times of my life. I say was because I am feeling better. I wake up every morning and am thankful I am still here. When I have a good day I thank God and my Husband for helping me through this. I still cry but not everyday.I will always miss my husband and I wish he was still here with me but I guess I am at the acceptance stage. The first few months will be the hardest but as you read on this site there are many wonderful people here who know what pain feels like and they are more than willing to help get to the next day.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[nats]

Well I made some progress this week I cut the lawn, raked leaves, and planted Ruth's favorite flower bed

2 more days of work then I have Mon & Tue off not real fun days as everyone else is working...I attended

a greif support meeting at church this week and that was helpful...it's rough and I cry each day and the emptiness

is so overwhelming at times I gotta figure out how to deal with that, I'm going slow and it's still hard

for me to believe Ruth is not here....God Please Give me Strength....

NATS

[Frank G]

Well I made some progress this week I cut the lawn, raked leaves, and planted Ruth's favorite flower bed NATS

Well done NATS.My June was the garden person and I'm doing my best to keep it looking o.k.It will be 4 months for me on 3rd April and believe me it gets better.Look after yourself and make sure you eat.

Regards Frank G...

[mrspapajohn]

Oh, Nats - - I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. Those first few months are so hard. Like you, I cried every day. Some days, I just could not stop the tears. My eyes were swollen all the time and my nose was raw. I must admit, I still cry often (even after a year since my Stephen has been gone) and sometimes, the loneliness is overwhelming. But something is different than those first horror-filled months. Now, I am coping better. When someone asks how I'm doing, I can actually say, "Fine. How are you?" even though I'm not fine and all I can think of is "he's gone, he's gone." But I am functioning. Once in a while I even laugh, something that was impossible in the early days. I am trying to develop other interests. I am retired (just this year), so I don't have work to fill my days, but I take a lot of walks, try to write a little (very amateurish novels), read a lot, play online poker (fun money - not real) and as soon as my bad rotator cuff heals, I plan to volunteer at a consumer protection and resolution group here in Phoenix. This making a "new" reality is not for the feint of heart. But one thing that I have learned is that I'm much stronger than I ever thought I could be. I realize that the missing part and loneliness is still there, but the pain, both mental and physical, has decreased. I am no longer what I always considered to be a "basket case." Even when people told me that it would get easier, I could not see how it was possible that they could be right. But they were. It does become easier - - first it becomes bearable, then easier follows. I wish you comfort and peace - - two things that are hard to come by, but will slowly reenter your life. You are in my thoughts.

Kathy

[nats]

Well it's been 6 weeks testerday since my beautiful Ruth went to her new life with God, Christ, the Angels and all the Saints, I'm so thankful for the time I had with her and the love we shared was truely sent from God, he brought us together for a reason, I still do not know what's planned for me but I welcome it with open arms from the Lord Almighty, just lead me and I will follow...I'​m doing fairly well with prayer and greif support groups and I'm working plenty of hours at work....yesterday being Palm Sunday, Ruth would have enjoyed the service it is a very touching service with readings reflecting on the days before Christ was crucified...these Sundays are so rough without her by my side at church....

--------------------

Ruth

" Thinking of you always, it's been 6 weeks since you went to your new life, I'm happy you are pain free and have no more worries, I miss you so much and will be ready when God wants for the day we will be reunited in our everlasting love"....

I Love You Sweetheart Me/SW

[cathybo]

Nat

Thank you for sharing. I too have a recent loss and at first mornings were my best time of the day. But now I dread getting out of bed each morning to face the day. Yet I do it - I get out of bed and take care of business for that day and then the next. Greg has been gone about a month and I feel worst today then I did 4 weeks ago. I heard that it is best to feel the pain and grieve rather than hold it all in. I hope you have a good support network of friends and family that allow you to talk about your feelings and share wonderful storie of your wife's life. Be gentle with your self.

Cathy

[nats]

Hello Everyone,

The days keep going by I'm not sure if it's getting better or worse,

the loss I feel leaves me feeling so empty, Ruth used to clean some condos for

a few friends and one was needing done this week so I did it, Ruth taught me all

the things to do as we had done it together in the past, it was a little hard going there

without her but I managed to go in and get the job done feeling as if she was guiding me the entire time.

I have this weekend off and my son and I are going fishing, this will be another major ordeal as ruth and I went

every chance we had, she loved Bass fishing, not when we met but after going a few times she learned to love

the water and would beg me to take her, that's going to hurt because i promised her we would go again as soon

as she was strong enough well I was unable to keep that promise and it hurts me so bad,

I hope I can handle going without her, my son will be my rock I'm sure

and with God's help this to will pass.

Praying for us all....

NATS

[nats]

Well Sunday again, it's 8 weeks today since Ruth left...I'm not so sure it is getting easier

I am so depressed today I had plans today to go fishing with my son and the weather and his stomach

didn't allow that and threw me into a total tale spin (I can not handle disappointment at all)...

I've been sitting here all day just crying but I am determined to go somewhere just to break the mood,

my attitude at this point is it can't hurt to try anything to make me feel better...so I'll take a ride

somewhere...

NATS

[Queeniemary]

Oh Nats, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time today. Getting out of the house and driving will probably be a very good thing for you. Is the weather wet where you are. We are having a lovely spring day here, and I am depressed because Michael is not here to enjoy his beautiful yard. Today is 12 weeks and 4 days since he left, and Monday would have been our 20th wedding anniversary. I have been sitting on our back porch, with my corgi dogs at my feet, feeling depressed and crying. Two of my granddaughters, 11 and 13 spent last night with me, we rented and watched some movies, but the house got real quiet when my daughter came to pick them up. I know it just has to get better someday, and I trust that it will, I just wish it would hurry up. I want it to be a year from now, so maybe the pain will be less. Take care Nats, you are in my prayers today.

Mary

[nats]

Thank You Mary for your prayers,

Yes the weather was predicted to rain but ended up being nice...I sprayed the yard

then took a ride to Wal-mart as I needed a few items, it helped but not much.. everything

was just a wash today, my son has called but he's not feeling well, preparing a small dinner

then going to sleep as I get up at 4AM for work...praying for a better day tomorrow...

Praying for everyone going thru what we are....

NATS

[nats]

Well just as things are getting somewhat being close to normal and in a routine without Ruth yesterday

the Life Insurance company advised me the claim has been denied and they are sending a letter why.

I am just a wreak again, I feel like I'm fighting for everything and gaining no ground, has anyone else had this happen

and if so how did you handle it? I have contacted my atty. but didn't get a simple call back assuring me it would be OK

so now I have to think about this all weekend and it's got me so depressed, I am approaching the mad as hell stage I think and I'm going to go nuts if something doe not change soon, just how much can one person take?

I guess I'm lucky I have to work today and tomorrow afternoon as it will keep me busy, then Mon/Tue I'll tackle this life insurance head on and I plan on using all resources fighting it....

Praying for everyone...

NATS

[Korina]

I am praying for you, Nats.

Korina

[kayc]

Nats,

Please keep us abreast of what's happening. I certainly hope for the best that it is all worked out. Does the insurance co. automatically deny everything the first time like social security?

[nats]

Well after a couple of hours on the phone and having to speak

to these cold employees at the insurance co. I was told by one dept.

her coverage was in effect and the claims dept said it wasn't...lucky I have

a confirmation letter of coverage and the dates they received all the documents

they wanted....It was so nice to be able to tell the person the exact day they received the document

as she was trying to tell me they didn't get until after that day...I would advise everyone

dealing with anything that has specific deadlines to send via certified mail return receipt requested,

when Ruth and I were updating the forms and docs I told her I had a feeling we should send them this way

and I'm so thankfull I did, now I wait another 5 days for an answer....

I'm still just taking things a day at a time trying to establish a routine and trying to get

by each day with the loneliness, the days off work are the hardest but I still look forward to

them as I feel comfort at home....

Praying for all the greiving spouses everywhere....

NATS

[MartyT]

Nats, dear ~ Just a thought, but could you contact the insurance agent who sold you that life insurance policy? It seems to me that part of his/ her job would be to help you in a situation like this . . .

[kayc]

Nats,

It pays to call and confirm receipt and make note of it any time we've mailed off something. I'm so glad you had that foresight! Good luck to you, we're all pulling for you...and please let us know how it goes.

Kay

[nats]

Thanks for all your support, after numerous calls and determination I think I have the insurance is straightend out, seems

they made a mistake, duh, I had all supporting documents but could not get any response until I called the corp. office and filed a complaint...amazing how fast things moved after that....please take my advise if you are dealing with any important matters make copies and keep all original documents, and send all mail certified return receipt requested, it's nice to be able to tell the party you are dealing with the exact day they received it and who signed for it...

NATS

[MartyT]

Wonderful news, Nats ~ We're so happy to learn that you got this straightened out

[nats]

Been a while since I've been here, got the insurance all straightend

out, now time to move forward with the others things, her kids are not speaking to me

for some reason and I need her daughter to help me go thru the closet

as I know she wants some of her Mom's things...also I now have both cars paid for and

they were in her name so I have to get vehicles transfered...and still numerous other things

that are left unsettled....all this formal stuff seems to drag this whole grieving process out and causes some undo stress in already stressful time..

NATS

[closs86]

Hi Nats,

I am glad that you got everything straightened out with the ins, co, You are so right, all the crazy paperwork while you are grieving, how do they expect you to concentrate on all that stuff while your mind is all fogged up. Well have a good night ,

Karen

[fritzygirl]

Hello Nat,

Sorry for your loss,

It has been 7 months since my husband passed away from lung cancer. It was the typical chemo, radiation, etc. he was always healthy and then one visit to the doctor for testing before a surgery and boy our lives changed. Fortunatly,for his sake he did not suffer too long, only 6 months. It was a difficult 6 months. We were sole mates for 23 short years. Everything was and still is crazy. Everyone just wanted me to go to the doctor for pills. Well I need to be functional, and pills are just not for me. I need to be in control. I feel like I don't have a heart anymore and I just go through the motions of day to day life. I have plenty to keep me very busy, but griefing is very exausting too. I too, have learned this in a short amount of time you must keep yourself healthy and keep working on going forward. you will have good and bad days, times to cry oceans, and times to cry just a little. You will remember something that your wife would have said or done that will make you smile, and you will have some comfort during this rough time. I am also new to this site and have been reading before I posted and it has been very comforting and helpful for me. I hope it will do the same for you. Take care. fg

[nats]

Hi Fritz,

Thanks for support, I've been hear a lot the last few days and did not even read my own post or replys, yes grieving is indeed very tiresome and it seems the sleep is not restfull and peacefull like it used to be...my Ruth found out last May with bronchitis then found the spot on lung, she had a sodium level drop that clued them in we had our first chemo treatment 6/21/09, the doctor gave us three days to get married and have a homymoon before she entered the hospital, we married 6/17/09 after being engaged for 6 years and living together, she fought hard and had so much faith, she was 61 years young and was baptised in the hospital the day prior to her biopsy taken while hospitalized for sodium issue...when she found out she just said we'd fight it, live life to it's fullest, love each other like each day was the last and put it in God's hands and she never looked back, she fought so hard, we fought hard and her only fear was leaving me behind...I'm sorry for loss as well and I hope you continue to come back as it's a place we can find comfort sharing and helping each other...

Take Care and Praying for all the grieving spouses evrywhere...

NATS