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Nats,

I may be way off base, and if so, please forgive me because this only comes out of great concern from the bottom of my heart.

I was very vulnerable after George died and I ended up marrying a friend of his...who ended up breaking my heart and taking me for over $50,000.00. I would never mean to imply that would happen to you, but I do know that when we are steeped in grief, we are not in our right mind, and we are extremely vulnerable. I would just caution you to give this LOTS of time before committing to anything. Like maybe three years. How long were you married to Ruth? The longer you have been in a relationship, the longer it takes to heal from one. According to marriagebuilders.com, you need about a month recup for every year married, of course that's just a general rule of thumb, there are many factors that come into play. But death is different than divorce, I think it takes even longer, you need time to get used to being on your own and who you are separate and apart from the coupledom you've been used to. It's fine to be friends, but be careful getting too close too soon.

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Kayc,

Thanks for your concern and your thoughts....Life is way to short for heartache for sure, I think all situations and individuals are differant, I've decided not to let the grief of my wife leaving keep me from living and I understand your concern but we both have lost spouses and this special bond we share is differant for both of us, we have became very close friends first sharing all the pain of each others grief as well as doing things we couldn't do before....we both are remaining very independent and maintaining our own households so we both understand living alone...but as I stated before life is short, way to short, we all know that or we wouldn't be here, so I have just decided to live the balance of mine as happy and to the fullest I can, being faced with possible issues with my own health, I intend on letting everyone special in my life know how much I care for them and have good times with them, that includes my children, family, friends, and special people, I have to much love, compassion, and companionship to offer someone to wait around for life to pass me by while grieving, Ruth spoke many times she wanted me to find someone and share the love I had to offer, so I will just let God and my heart guide me....

NATS

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Karen,

I am worried some but trying not to think about it, I keeping praying everyday it will be nothing, it's so ironic that this comming weekend will be 6 months since Ruth left and I go to Dr. on Monday the 16th...I will post results as I get them...Thanks for your concern....may God Bless You as well....

NATS

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BillW,

It's been a while since I've heard from you thanks for your prayers, how are you doing? I read your post concerning that program and did some research sounds interesting....I pray you are healing well and have found some comfort....life is progressing here one thing Ruth taught me is to fight, I've never known someone with so much fight and determination as her and she showed me alot, I carry that with me daily as I heal and rebuild life without her...take care and may God Bless....

NATS

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NATS,

Well good luck to you! Praying for good health for you also...

Kay

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Hey NATs,

It has been a while. I continued with my therapy, that was the best thing I could have done. God truly works through other people. I miss her badly every day that goes by but those horrific visions and flash backs are all pretty much gone. I got back to my daily routine of getting on my knees in the morning and asking for guidance and help through the day....it took a little time to get through the anger with my higher power. Like I said in my previous post I was finally able to make that connection with my wife at therapy one night, the therapist said she had witnessed a very powerful moment. It was as if my wife was smiling at me in the room that night (I could feel it) this connection directly involves gratitude for every second we spent together, when I can get to this place, it is as close as I can be to her. When I get into the hurt and turmoil of what happened she could not be further away, sounds simple enough but we all know how hard it is to stay away from the hurt. Recovery tells us that gratitude is not a feeling but an action, my wife was living proof of that, she demonstrated it daily. The best respect and honor I can pay now is to carry on where she (we) left off. I know I still have a long road ahead but I have picked up a few more tools along the way and made a few more friends to help the process. Good luck and God bless NATS I'm glad you're doing o.k. and I will keep praying for you.

BW

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Bill

What you say, makes so much sense, I am also seeing a therapist, best thing i did for myself, I feel like she is really helping me. We have to keep reaching for peace until we find it.

Its good to hear from you, and that you are coming along well.

Take care

karen

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Hi Karen, sorry I haven't kept up with you guys. I am really glad to hear you are doing o.k. too. The therapy has made a huge difference, it got me back to my faith and reminded me of the importance of being grateful again. I found a small tape recorder that my wife used for work and it was stuck in the on position in her purse and had recorded a conversation we had on the way home from dinner one night last year. We were discussing her disease and our disbelief and denial of her cancer. At the time of our discussion she was in remission and we were getting ready for a trip to Colorado for vacation, we talked about being grateful for all of the gifts in our lives,we talked about the boys, our jobs, our dogs, and just about everything under the sun. As I replayed the tape tonight I sat there in total peace listening to two people who took an interest in each others lives and loved each other dearly. I have never loved with my heart before I met this woman. I am the luckiest man on earth. I miss her like I can't even describe in words but I know she is with me. I hope you can find peace with the loss of your husband Karen, even the brief reprieve we can get sometimes is a lot to hold on to during the rough days. God bless you and please take good care of yourself.....good to hear from you and NATS again, you guys helped me a lot over the last few months. Talk to you again soon I hope.

BW

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Hello All,

Well this weekend will be the 6 month mark since Ruth joined God and I am already feeling the waves of grief starting to roll.. :( ..I am also anxious and concerned as Monday I have my appt. to get my x-ray and this thing in my lung evaluated....I sure could use Ruth here to hold me and talk things over, I am so thankful I have God and Brenda to spend time with this weekend, I'm working Sat. but I have chosen to take Sunday off to deal with feelings and try to prepare myself for Monday, I am going to spend Sunday afternoon with Brenda and her grandchildren to focus my energy on positive thoughts...and tonight we are going to just have a quiet evening at my home for reflection and sharing each others company....one thing I'd like to ask is if you have a second please say a prayer for me,

I beleive prayer works even better in numbers...

May God Bless You All and Thanks In Advance for the prayers.....

NATS

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MartyT and Marion,

Thank you ever so much for your prayers and thoughts, they mean alot I truely for the first time in my life

really understand how short life is and how we get in that "take for granted attitude" no more for me....

May God Bless

NATS

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Nats, am praying for good news for you. Today marks the 7 month anniversary of Michael's death, so I do understand how you are feeling. Every 13th of the month I just cannot believe another month has gone by since he left. I know this weekend will be hard for you, missing Ruth, and worrying about Monday, just try to relax, and know that all is in God's hands. Peace for you.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

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Mary (Queeniemary) and Billw,

Thank you so much for your prayers and thoughts....today is indeed rough already, I delayed leaving work as I knew it would be rough when I got home, I'm feeling the moments of total waves of loss, emptiness, and the longing for her touch, and to hear her laugh, but I know it will pass with my faith and knowledge that she will always be with me and we will someday be reunited in the Kingdom of the Lord...tomorrow God willing I plan on some reflection then going to get out and enjoy some life, I am going to spend time with Brenda and her grandchildren....

May The Lord Be With You

NATS

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Hello All,

Well I was able to sleep a couple of hours but I sure am feeling the emptiness in my heart today, I have prayed while holding her urn and that has provided some comfort and I have been reviewing some pictures, she was so beautiful and she loved me so much and I fully felt that unlike my first wife whom I'd spent 25 years with the love Ruth and I had was so special, she had been married before and always told me God saved her the best for last, we were true soul mates we felt each others pain and shared each others happiness...I am so thankful God gave me the time I had with her so I could love her like she'd never been loved before and I'm so glad God decided to picked me to love her....

NATS

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We are indeed very lucky men NATS, to have experienced the blessing of these women in our lives. I stood in the kitchen and cried this morning as I do a lot of other days but today the tears are more gratitude than grief, as I have said numerous times in my later posts this is what keeps that connection close. It took a little while to grasp this concept but sometimes everything is so clouded by emotions I just can't see through it. I am so fortunate to have had the time and experiences with this lady and I finally learned how to love someone with my heart (another huge gift). God be with you today and every day my friend take care........BW

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Hello My Friends,

Well I had a busy day yesterday I did just as I intended, woke and had my cry, did some reflection and prayer then was gone all day spending the day with my friend Brenda and her two grandchildren she watchs them on Sunday from about 12 till 5, we took them to our city pool, that was the greatest idea as it kept the childen busy and allowed for some excercise and relaxation for us....it did me wonders to swim and lounge in the water, as well as watch and enjoy all the life at the pool, those two children kept our minds occupied and reminded me so much of raising my own two boys with my first wife, brought back some nice memories....my grief and sadness seemed to be on hold almost as if I were in a bubble isolated from it..... and now for today, my appointment is late this afternoon @ 3PM, so going to just pray, relax, and make a grocery run before we leave, Brenda will be going with me so I will have someone to share my feelings with, I'll be honest I am scared but I also have a relaxed feeling as well I think due to my faith in Christ...I will update this evening and let everyone know how it went....

NATS

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Good Evening My Friends,

I have an update regarding the nodule in my lung....the intial evaluation is that it is a granuloma caused by Histoplasmosis....I added links, and nothing to worry about, as a precaution and to ease my mind and anxiety due to my recent loss of my wife to lung cancer I am to be rechecked via x-ray in Oct. and if the same once per year....I can not thank God enough that this is nothing serious and I will be able to continue to focus on helping others, finding the new me, spreading the word of the Lord, and learning to live and love again in whatever order they arise....I want to thank everyone who extended there thoughts and prayers it means alot having that support and feelings being expressed....may God Bless Each One Of You...

NATS

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