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Consumed By Pain

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I don't post very often here, but it does help to read. I lost my Dale almost 5 months ago, and today, the pain of the loss is worse than it's ever been. Every single memory floods back; and I don't want to remember, because I find it so painful. I All I know is that I'll never, ever see him again, and I feel like "I can't do this." I honestly don't know how to get trough it. No one can take away the pain, I know, I just need to get it out there; I don't feel like I will survive this and I honestly don't even know if I want to. Thanks for reading. Any advie is welcome. Susan

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Oh, boy, Susan, do I know how hard it is. It has been 8.5 months for me, and it blindsides me sometimes - the tears burst out often at inopportune times, other times in my privacy.

When I was around 5 months, another member, I think it was Boo Mayhew, said that during that time, it also seemed worse for her than before. Maybe it is because our minds and bodies are hitting the stage where we are truly coming to the full realization that the love of our life is really and truly dead. And even though we may believe they are with us in spirit, and are existing at the next level, it doesn't make the day to day living without that person, that knowledge that we will never have the chance to make new memories with that person, any easier. All I did, and really am still doing, is taking it one day at a time. Sure, I have plans for the future out of necessity, also plans for things with my daughter - good stuff - but at a basic level, I just take each emotion, each memory, each replay, each question mark, each guilty feeling, each moment of loneliness, one moment at a time.

I think when I accepted that this was going to be a lifelong process, because we never will "get over" our loss but rather learn to live with it, it helped me move through the days without expectation of the grief going away (I don't think I would want it to just 'go away'). My grief has changed and morphed over these 8 months, and the intensity can still change from day to day. But I am able to go on with each day, smile sometimes, laugh sometimes.

You too, I am sure, will survive this journey. I believe you will find strength within yourself you may not have known was there. And there is the strength that you gained from sharing your life with Dale - things you learned through your relationship, that will help you. I know I am a stronger and better person for having been with Scott for 20 years (if unfortunately, a sadder person...) - he taught me many things about myself. Maybe if you think about doing something for Dale, something in his honour that would make him proud, it could give you something satisfying to focus on.

Please keep coming back to the forum, post anytime. I also found that going to a grief counsellor has helped me. I know others find solace in hospice groups. And don't hesitate to ask friends or family that you can count on for help when you need it. I never used to ask for help - Scott and I were quite independent, maybe too independent; now I ask when I need help.

Hang in there,


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When you say you have been without your Soul Mate for over 5mos..It sounds like yesterday to me..I too am in "Rewind"

mode alot..I don't even try to go there is just happens as I try to go about everyday life..but David was such a huge part of it..I have to plan for a Senior High School Graduation..this year was the big one for us as in Just Hearing our Sons name called and watching him get his Diploma and continue on to Great Things..I know my Husband will be there in "Spirit" but I really need him Physically...I completely understand how you feel..sounds silly but there are days that I am trying to get stuff done and I just keep thinking "Are you Kidding, God?" Or "Oh,My God David"! My son and I have gone through so many challenges since he has been gone..and He would be the one to tell me, "Everything is

going to be ok, just Breath"..I do try to do that but sometimes it is so hard to catch my breath...I walk our dog several times a day..and will just stand in try to take in the Wind and Air and just Breath..So I guess what I am trying to say to you is just keep trying...I am not a Grief Counselor or Social Worker of Such..I am just like you

a person who struggles to deal with this and I guess I can not ever make sense of it..and I never thought I would

be here at this point in my life..sharing so much with others...I believe in after life and we will see the one we love again..but I struggle with the fact that it won't be the same..I can only hope it is better..and I too

Miss my Best Friend.

Love and Peace, Babs..(Dawn)

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Thanks for the kind words of support. I told a friend yesterday that I think I've been in shock for months and now its wearing off. Because my partner died suddenly on a job site 500 miles away from me, the loss had this surreal feeling to it. Many times in the first weeks, I felt like I was watching myself in a movie. I think that the full impact is just starting to hit me now. Susan.

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Wow, Sue

Did your Dale have an accident on the job or an illness? Either way that is shocking..I am so sorry..

It weird that you mentioned you felt like you were watching yourself in a movie..I think that is how I feel now..

I get this weird kind of "floating feeling" at times..it is strange but I don't know how else to describe it..

Probably the full impact is hitting home and so comes another "stage"..I wish you the best..

Love and Peace, Babs.

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Dale&Sue, I am approaching the 30 Day mark since my wife joined he Lord and very new to the process we are all going thru here, I feel many of the feelings you describe already, I have found thru peoples posts here and speaking to others we need to stay in a mode of living what our lost loved ones would want us to do...continue on, while as hard as it is we need to think and remember our loved ones would not want us to give up, in fact my wife and I spoke of that and how I would go on and she told me she expected me to be strong remember our happy good times even as hard as it would be but continue to try and live a normal happy life...but it's so hard I know, you say "No one can take away the pain, I know, I just need to get it out there", I find great comfort in my faith and seeking answers thru reflections and seeking and asking for strength in continuing on each day, I also talk to my wife just like she's here sometimes, I still say good morning sweetheart and we say our prayers at night, like I said I'm new to this also, no expert this just has helped me....from what I see keep comming here and you will get a lot of support and help during this time....try and keep moving on...

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Dear Susan,

On the 24th of this month I will be approaching 6 months and the grief still comes on me like a ton of bricks...Don't let anyone tell you to move on or that they would know "how you feel"...If they have not lost a loved one...they do not have a clue...Sometimes it is terribly painful and other times it is just painful...It helps to give the burden of your grief, sorrow and pain to God..and he will take it and make it lighter...You can only handle this time of your life one day at a time...this is all you can do..sometimes one minute at a time...Please stay on this Forum you will be comforted because we are all walking in the same shoes...different people but same pain of loss....Bless you Susan...Rochel

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