spela Posted March 23, 2005 Report Share Posted March 23, 2005 My dearest friend, the man who was the most important person in my life, died 7 weeks 6 days ago. He was just 32 and died after 3 years struggling with cancer. For 3 years we were hoping and praying and BELIEVING that he would be ok, that he was getting better and that he would be soon able to do the things he wanted to ... When he died, my hopes and beliefs died too - everything I prayed for, everything I wanted. I don't talk to God anymore. How could I? How can I believe anything now?I don't know what to do. I used to like my job a lot. I thought it was important and I had some goals there. Now I just don't care. It's not important at all! I've been thinking about changing my job - but I think I would feel the same anywhere! Some say changing the environment could help - like going on a holiday - but I'm afraid it would be even worse, as I wouldn't be able to go to his grave or talk about him with people who knew him or - when I'm able to do that - visit places where we were together.On one hand I need to talk about him. On the other hand I avoid people. I rarely answer the phone to my friends, I don't go out with them. I can't stand being around those who worry about things that don't matter. Nothing matters to me anymore. The only living thing I love spendind time with is my dog. We go to school and that is the only thing I do normaly. I think about my love all the time, I cry a lot, I am often mean to people who ask me things (though I know they want to be nice but I just want them to leave me alone) ... It's only been less than a month and life seems so long as he's not coming back. How will I live like this in the next years and probably tens of years??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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