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I lost my husband Tim on 1/31/10. He was my soulmate & best friend and I miss him so very much. My emotions are so messed up. One day I feel like I'm doing better, then the next I can't stop crying. Just today I thought about the day he asked me to marry him, such a wonderful moment in my life, yet it made me sad. Sometimes when people ask how I am, instead of smiling and saying ok, I just want to let it all out. I want to tell them about the ache in my heart that won't go away or the sick feeling I get when I'm trying to take one small step without him. I just recently joined this site & so glad I did. I don't think people can really understand what you are going through unless they've been there. Thank you all for listening, I've just been having a couple of real rough days and I just need to know I'm normal, or as normal as you can be during this time. :(

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Chrissie, you are absolutely as normal as you can be at this point in your life. I lost my husband, Michael on 1-13-10, and I understand the up and down moments you are experiencing. Pardon if my spelling is not good....I did not sleep much last night, and tonight I am staying up printing programs for our annual arts council fundraiser for this weekend. I know what you mean when people ask you how you are doing, like you I usually just say fine, but inside I am crying.

Hang in there, we will survive, whether we want to or not.

Mary

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Hi Chrissie,I lost my June one month before you lost your Tim and like you I seemed to go backwards yesterday.It's a roller coaster ride for all of us but knowing the progress I made till yesterday I'm sure we'll get there eventually,wherever "there" is.I speak to my Father (he's 85 y.o.) by phone in England once a week,he lost my Mother in 2004 and still has his bad days.He lives alone and seems to cope reasonably well considering he and mom were best friends at school when he was 11 and she was 9 and were married for 62 years and worked together in their shop from 1958 till retirement so like my June and I they were together 24/7.He should be an example to us all.

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Thanks Mary, sounds like you also have trouble sleeping. I never realized I could function as well with so little sleep. :rolleyes: Good luck on your fundraiser. Let me know how it went. Take care of yourself & I hope to talk to you again soon.

Chris

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Frank, your father is really an inspiration. To have lost his love after so many years must be very hard. I am sorry to hear about June. I've read some of your previous posts and can tell you love her very much. I thought I was doing so well, taking one step at a time, and then it just hit me like a slap in the face. I know I'll pull through this but it just helps to talk about it.

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Chrissie:

You are feeling the same things I did in those early days. And you know what, sometimes when people asked how I was, I told them. I just couldn't hold it in. Not always, but there were times. And surprisingly, I found comfort in those encounters, either because that person had a story of loss, or it was just an ear to lay it out on. What I really found hard was going to the grocery store, and being polite when after paying, the cashier said, "Have a nice day.", or at the beginning, "How is your day going?" Couldn't really spill my guts there, so out came a forced smile and an appropriate, hollow response.

Hang in there, and keep coming back to us.

Korina

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Chrissie,

"I don't think people can really understand what you are going through unless they've been there"

Oh so true.

Praying for everyone suffering the loss....

NATS

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Chrissie,

We are all feeling your pain I lost my wife 2/14/10, we all know how you feel and are here

to help, this forum has helped me when other things do not, the days are up and down....but we must

remember the happy times....

Praying for everyone suffering the loss....

NATS

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Chrissie,

Welcome to this site...I'm sorry you lost your husband. It is normal to feel like you are, it's a lot how the rest of us felt at that timeline. It's good to have someplace to let it all out and be yourself and not feel like you have to put on a brave front...and that place is here and we understand. It's okay to cry, scream, vent, etc. I live in the country and I remember walking out in the woods and just letting it out at the top of my lungs. I also posted here, a lot. And I used art to depict my feelings. And wrote. It all helps.

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Dear Chrissie

I lost my wonderful husband of 32 years suddenly in August last year - fit, strong, active and healthy so there was no warning. Traumatic and disabling are the only two words to describe these last eight months but I have survived them even though some days I didn't think I could.

Everything you describe is familiar to everyone here so just go with the flow and don't put (or let anyone else) give you expectations or deadlines of how you should be feeling.It's up and down, hour by hour at first, and then it's like that day by day. It's a long road that you are on, and a very hard one as you know.

I was told by a counsellor that these awful feelings demand to be acknowledged and a path to getting back into the world is to make a definite time in your day/night when you are alone, to let them have their way. I was sceptical but gave it a try. I found it took away my fear of being a mess in public and it's still is a way for me to control myself when I feel the need to run away from a gathering or when I want to scream at people - yes, eight months on it's still like that!

I found it really helps to just give myself permission to have a great cry at night. I still feel the full brunt of the tension, despair and heartache but evenings at home I can control what happens during the day now nnd how I resact to people. Strangley, the breakdowns give me some peace and strength to start again the next day and helps me get through bumps at work or with friends.

This site and the regulars who post here are a godsend and help me understand much about what I am experiencing. I come back often to ground myself - and read and learn about this heartbreaking process. I hope you will too...Susie Q

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Hi Chrissie: I'm sincerely sorry to hear about your loss. I don't have much to add, as the others have said it all...my heart aches for you and I know that is true for everyone on this site.

I really related to your memory of your beloved Tim asking you to marry him. One of the happiest days of your life...and now, the feelings of such sadness and loss. It was 20 years ago today that I met my dear partner Dale. It's all pretty rough. As for what I do when people ask how I'm doing...it depends on who is asking and how much I trust them to really mean it when they ask. I've been on the edge of tears for the last few days, because of this 20 year anniversary, and a friend from work asked me yesterday "How are you doing." I just started to cry...but she put her arms around me and cried with me. I think someone else said here that just sometimes crying or doing what you need to do will give you strength to go on. I have found that is true. Let us know, truly, how you are doing, because we care. We know how it feels to have a "sort of good day" and then have days where it feels like you just can't do "this" anymore. Take care. Susan.

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Thank you all so much! Your words of encouragement help me realize I can make it through this and I'm going to have these bad days along with the good. You also showed me that there are people out there that understand and we're all here for each other. Chris

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