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Losing My Daughter

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My daughter Larrisa was taken away from me and all that loved her March 1, 1999. She was only 13 months old. It was my first day of work ever, I was a single mom and I was only 16. She was supposed to have went to a daycare that day, but couldn't because of a slight fever due to teething. So, I ask a friend of mine to care for her for the day. Little did I know that would be the last time I ever saw her alive. His mom came and picked me up from work saying there was an accident and that's all she knew about it. When we got to the hospital they had already drilled a shunt into her head and wasn't telling me anything yet. He was just apologizing time and time again. The hospital that we was at said her chance of living would be greater if they sent her to the childrens hospital. When we arrived there, they wasn't giving her any signs of hope. Said that the impact on her skull was to bad. She was on life support for as long as they would allow, 3 days. He went to the hospital with us was by my side the whole time. Never did go in her hospital room, now it all makes sense. Well, he changed his story about 6 times of what happened, he even took her to a park to stage an accident. What kind of human does a thing like this to an innocent child. He was arrested finally toward the end of March, we went to court in August and they found him guilty of negligent homicide. He was out that day. She didn't get to come back home that day, just don't seem fair to me, he was able to take her life and they let him walk around a free man. She will never get a chance at anything and he does. I blame myself everyday if only i had not went to work she would still be here. I shouldn't think of it like that but I do, I just want her to know that I loved her and always will, and just hope that she has forgiven me and i'm sure that she has. She was the light of my life, opened my eyes in so many ways. I sit around and think of the what ifs and what it would be like with her still in my life. I just hope that the "man" that took her from us that loved her, can't close his eyes at night thinking about what he done to her. I don't feel like that is the case though, because anyone that can take a childs life apparently don't have a conscience. He gets to spend his holidays with his family and we will never have that chance. Why is he so lucky and I am the one paying for what he has done? One thing that has kept me going is the fact that i am a mother again, I have a beautiful 4 year old daughter, that looks just like Larrisa. It gets hard sometimes, I have to fully trust someone to watch her and that is so hard. When should that change or will it ever. And now that she is getting older she has started asking so many difficult to answer questions. She gets confused sometimes when she sees her sisters pictures and thinks that it is her. She also asks mom where is Larrisa, I tell her that she is in heaven with God and that He is taking care of her. And she asks why can't we take care of her. What do you say to a child when they ask questions like this. I also have a wonderful husband of four years he has been so great through everything even though we didn't know each other when this happened. If anyone has been through something like this, I sympathize so much with you, I just hope one day that it gets easier. I try to keep strong for my families sake, but it is so hard to do at times. God Bless You All

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