The Pain Is Overwhelming

[nwnightowl]

Hi Elizabeth,

I wanted to check in and see how you were doing. I have a lot to write but it has been chaoes over here. It looks like Dodger has to have surgery tomorrow, they think it is a broken wrist, the CT scan tomorrow will tell for sure, then 8-10 weeks of no exercise. I hope you are having some good days. I still just cry and cry and now I have a sore throat and think I am getting a cold, as if everything else weren't enough. I should have some time to write tomorrow, I ordered some more books, although I haven't finished the others yet. Sorry I have been out of touch for a few days, I have been at the doggie hospital a lot for Dodger, but I have been thinking about you. All the best, EAF

[kayc]

I am so sorry for what you guys are going through, it is so horribly painful to lose the one we are so close to. My husband dumped me the same week my dog passed away 1 1/2 years ago, and I didn't know how I was going to survive. I've had so much loss in the last six years. Right now I have a dog that I am closer to than any dog I have ever owned, and I know when that day comes...it's going to kill me. I know several people who don't want to get another one because they say they can't take the loss, but all I know is, I am so glad I got my Arley because we are so close and what both of us would be missing if we hadn't hooked up. I can't bear the thought of him being back in that animal shelter, he was a hard to place dog and what if no one had adopted him? He is the most special dog I've ever seen. So what if he ate my couch, carpet, siding, favorite dress, BF's shoes, son's MP3 player, etc etc? He is so more than worth it, and now he's settling down just a bit, but he's the greatest company, loving, fun, entertaining. I'm glad I made the choice I did. But that doesn't take away from the loss of Lucky, Chappy, Autumn, George, Tigger that I have lost in the last six years. One never replaces another, but they can help some of that void as they create their own unique spot in your heart.

[nwnightowl]

Hi Kayc,

I am so sorry for your double whammie. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been to have 2 huge losses like that in the smae week. I've been struggling a lot this week, a lot of things have gone wrong and that just adds to the grief, plus I have a terrible cold so that makes matters even worse. I am glad you connected with another 4 legged friend. I have some other dogs and I thought that would make it easier but it doesn't. The pain is just crushing, I feel like the universe is trying to snuff me out and I am getting so tired of resisting. I hope you get to do something fun this weekend. Hang in there, EAF

[nwnightowl]

Hi Elizabeth,

How are you doing? It has been a horrible week for me and now I have a terrible cold which just makes the world seem even worse. I think you asked if I had or am working with a therapist. I am, for most of the past 10 years I have been. A little over 10 years ago I lost over half my family in 11 months and then a year after that I lost my soul mate dog of 17 1/2 years, and I couldn't bounce back, it was just too overwhelming. I realized quite a while ago that losing Harley was going to be devastating, but it is even worse than I imagined. I feel like the pain is just crushing my chest. I had a total meltdown this week and luckily a friend was there for me. Dodger had his surgery and it didn't go as well as we had hoped. He has to wear a splint for 4-8 weeks and the surgery wiped me out financially, I was at the pawn shop yesterday pleading my case. He is being a very good patient though. I have worked with 3 animal communicators in my time and I have some friends who have worked with others. The one who worked with my soul mate dog I really liked but I can't find her anymore. I also liked the one who talked to Harley, I am going to have her talk to him again. I've had really good experiences, they have told me things they wouldn't have had any way of knowing. I'd be happy to give you the name of my current one if you decide to go that route. I am going to have her talk to Dover too to see what I can do to help him.

I have been trying to read some, when I'm not crying. Crying is harder now that my nose is so stopped up with my cold. So far I am only 40 pages in but my favorite book so far is Love Never Dies by Sandy Goodman. She writes about the death of her son, but so far you could apply it to any loss and some of her wording is just the same as things I was saying so I feel like we click. Another one I like but have only looked at briefly was the one recommended on another board on this site: How to Survive Your Grief by Susan Fuller, mostly it helps you realize that you aren't crazy and that what you feel is normal, I have felt like I am going insane many times in the past month. I can't believe tomorrow it will be 4 weeks since Harley has been gone. The pain gets worse each day instead of better, I have lost all hope that there is even a light at the end of the tunnel. I am self employed and haven't been able to work for the past month so I my finances are in dire straights at the moment. I was doing some dog walking for someone (you would think someone with a dog would be compassionate) but she doesn't understand about Harley, she got after me for having to reschedule while Harley was dying, she made a math error and instead of trying to figure it out she accused me of cheating her, since it was a big $120 a month (when her checks didn't bounce- she's written me 2 bad ones so far) I bowed out gracefully and suggested she find someone else. She's one of those you live you die no big deal, she has no idea what I am going through. I told my friend I am in such a dark, dark place that I can't even breathe at times. I tried to throw out some of Harley's meds and I couldn't do it I just stood there holding the bottles, sobbing. And I just want to find whoever is in control and tell them they made a mistake they were supposed to take Lexi the foster dog and leave Harley, Lexi is a private foster so she doesn't have anywhere else to go right now. She's been to the shelter twice, she not a good shelter dog becuase she freaks out when confined, she was supposed to be with me for a few weeks and 10 months later she is still here. The dog walking lady stuck her with me, I didn't want her, oh it doesn't matter now. I am so mad at the whole Universe right now. I was walking the pups the other night and there was a gorgeous rainbow over the park, it was almost like I could walk under it. I walk a loop trail and I could see it all around the park. I like to imagine Harley running up one side and sliding down the other. Today is very hard because it is a gorgeous day here, bright blue sky and Harley liked going out in the back yard probably the most of any of them and I just want him to be able to run around out there. Right now if the world ended I wouldn't be too upset about it. It's funny I am surrounded by my other dogs and yet I feel so alone. I did take Milo to his agility class today, I didn't feel like it but I was thinking well he's not going to learn on his own. Sunny my other agility dog has his neuro consult next week to see if he gets to keep competeing I might have to retire him which would be another crushing blow because it is one of the few things in life I really enjoy right now. I also have a retired horse that I was hoping to reunite with when I move next year, but due to financial woes it looks like I will have to give him away. It's just everywhere I look, loss, loss, loss.

How is life in the cubicle going? How are the foster puppies? How long do you keep them? If you have found anything that works with all of this please share. I have had 2 people recommend Ignatia to me, it's a homeopathic rememedy for grief, I have no idea if or how it works, but I just thought I would pass it along. God I just dread tomorrow with every cell in my being, how can it be 4 months since I have seen my baby Harley alive, I figured it out if I live another 40 years that's 480 more months of pure hell. I just feel like I am going to be crying for all 480 more months. I will attach my rainbow picture. I hope you have some fun things planned this weekend. Let me know how it's going. Take care of yourself, EAF

PS have you seen any more movies lately?

[Elizabeth149]

Hi EAF,

You have had a hard week. I sent you a rather lengthy email last night. I was feeling rather overwhelmed myself, so it's a bit long. I know today is a hard day for you and just wanted to wish you strength to get through it. Sorry to hear you're sick. I got really sick after Chela died in March. It's most likely an accumulation of the stress you've been going through. Please take extra care - take some extra vitamin C and drink lots of fluids and try and get some extra rest.

As I mentioned in the email, that crushing feeling in your chest is most likely stress/anxiety. You've experienced a crushing loss, the symptoms are likely to show up physically as well as emotionally. If they continue or get worse, I recommend going to the doctor and seeing if he/she can give you a low dose of anti-anxiety medication.

Poor Dodger - I hope he has a quick recovery. I'm sure the financial burdens are also taking their toll on you emotionally and physically. You've got a lot to deal with right now, please please take care of yourself and listen to your body - when it needs to rest, please let it rest. I'm glad that the animal communicator has helped you some. I say anything that helps bring you some peace and comfort is worth it. I'm thinking about it myself. How much does this person you're talking to now cost? And, how does it work? Do they just tell you what comes to them, or do you ask them questions? Maybe one could help you with Lexi, Sunny and Dover -- sounds like all three are having some issues. Maybe Sunny is ready to retire, and maybe Lexi is just misunderstood?

Crying when you already don't feel good makes it that much worse. I'm so sorry. I'll have to maybe pick up that "Love Never Dies" book you spoke of. It's important to look for sources that bring us some help. I bought a book about losing a child. I haven't opened it yet but I think the principle applies to any severe and intense loss. That sense of aloneness, despair and defeat can be so overpowering at times, it's hard to muddle through it. I hope that these books help all of us get through the profound sadness.

The pain does get worse for awhile - at least it did for me. Once the utter numbness wears completely off, it's extremely painful. But, you will adjust again, you'll rebuild your routines, your life. It does happen. it seems that somehow, we manage to make it through. As I mentioned in the email, it's important to hold onto the good things you did instead of beating yourself up on what you feel you did wrong. At least I think I said something along those lines. My memory is horrible these days.

I'm glad you told that woman to find someone else. I don't understand why some people have a dog when they don't even make the time to walk them once in awhile. Not all animal owners are animal lovers and they don't connect with their animals like people here do.

That inability to breathe sometimes - or feeling like you can't breathe - it's stress/anxiety. I battle that myself. When you're feeling overwhelmed, take deep, deep breaths and let them out slowly. I know with a cold, that'll be hard, but when we're stressed, we don't breathe like we should and that adds to the stress when the body reacts. So, take lots of deep breaths.

I want you to know I think it's normal for you to want to tell the creator a mistake has been made - that Lexi should be the one to have been taken. You may feel guilty over those thoughts at some point but your bond with Harley was much deeper than with Lexi. It just isn't Lexi's time to go right now. For whatever reason, it was Harley's. It's one of the most difficult part of life to let go of the pain we feel when one we love dies. Of all the emotions, I think grief is the hardest. We do get through it though. I know you don't think you'll ever feel happy again and you're overwhelmed over all the time you could be here without your Harley. That's why I recommend taking it just one step, one day, one moment at a time - so that you're dealing with now and what you're feeling now and not worrying about what may or may not happen tomorrow. Thinking about days, months, years is just too much right now.

Your anger is also a very normal reaction. I had a complete meltdown and ended up kicking a hole in my wall. Luckily I didn't hit a 2x4 but with my bad back, it was not a good idea but it felt good to let some of it out. If you have something you can destroy with a baseball bat that might help get some of it out too. when Coco died in '98, i took a hammer to some cement and just pounded it until I was exhausted and the cement was practically dust. It helps a lot to get out that anger. Holding it in will only create more stress on you emotionally and physically. You need an outlet for all the sadness and anger you feel. It's important to find one that's safe for you but releases the tension you're experiencing.

The rainbow picture is so pretty. Imagining Harley sliding down it is even more precious. I'm glad that's what you were doing. I know weather is hard for me too. Chela and Casper both loved to lay out in the warm sunshine. They also loved playing in the snow and Casper and I really enjoyed our walks in the park when it was raining because we'd have the park to ourselves and she could be off leash without risk. At first, everything is so hard and exhausting but there will come a day when the sunshines and you don't cry. It's not because you've let go of Harley, it's because you let go of the pain. I look forward to that day for both of us - and for all those who are in our same situation.

I pray that your financial situation turns around and you're able to keep your horse. Can you maybe find someone to temporarily take him for you? I'm happy to hear you forced yourself to take Milo to agility. It's good for you to get out and do something every day. It's so freakin' hard some days but it's important that you make yourself get out. I'm hoping that Sunny's neuro exam comes back OK. It'll be really hard to retire him -- but it sounds like Milo can maybe step in and help bring some joy back into your life. If it's best for Sunny to retire, then you'll do that for him. Maybe that animal communicator can help you with that so he doesn't get depressed over it.

Cubicle life isn't so bad yet -- but the dust in the building has been killing my lungs. I'm allergic to dust - not the mites in the dust, but the dust itself, so anything that stirs it up makes me pretty miserable. I think I pushed myself over the edge on it yesterday when I figured I felt crappy anyway, why not actually dust my bedroom? I haven't dusted in there since I brought Casper's ashes home and dusted the shelf to put her next to Chela. Today I really do not feel well. i am giving myself some pats on the back for making myself stay in bed this morning even though it was making my heart race to do it when I first woke up. It's like I wake up and my body/brain says crap, it's another day, what's going to happen? But, I'm doing a lot of self talk in hopes of relieving that reaction. The dust in the building is also bothering my "bad" eye. I scratched my cornea in Jan. of last year and was blind in that eye for 3 days. It's torn open twice since then and the added dust in the air was really causing it to feel like it was going to rip open again. I'm keeping it gooped up hoping that doesn't happen, but sometimes,it doesn't matter what I do, it tears anyway. It feels like glass in your eye when it happens. They say that the worst of the tear down is over so we'll see how the week goes.

The foster puppies are doing great. They are so dang cute. They do bring some smiles so that's a good thing. I haven't tried Ignatia. Have you? Did it help any?

I hope you find something peaceful and comforting today. If Harley was anything like my girls, he would want you to be smiling. He's still here, all around you, you just can't see him and touch him anymore. A friend on the ALLN chat that I attend, was told by another friend that we need to learn to love them from afar. They aren't really gone, and our love doesn't die, the circumstances just change. So, I'm trying to love my girls from afar. Hoping that the love they felt from me stays with them as their love for me does. Hang in there and BIG HUGS!! I wish i could give you a hug and tell you you're going to be OK. I don't know that you will be OK any more than I know I will be but I do believe we will be OK someday. We just have to be patient with ourselves and gentle with our broken hearts.

Hugs,

Elizabeth

PS - haven't seen any movies this week. I'm thinking maybe Shrek 3 but it depends on if this sick feeling in my stomach lets up or not.

[Elizabeth149]

Hi KayC,

Wow, that must have been so hard to lose your dog and your husband in the same week. Thank you for sharing though - because it shows that it is possible to move forward through the grief. I'm glad you've got Arley. Knowing that some day he too will pass at least helps you appreciate the time you have together now. The past 5 years, when Chela started showing signs of slowing down, I realized then that she wasn't going to be with me here forever, so every day I had with her -- and with Casper -- I cherished and showered love and hugs and kisses on them. I didn't go to sleep at night without giving them loves and telling them thank you for being here with me. It has still been a struggle for survival but at least I can tell myself I did some things right and I enjoyed the time I had with them and they enjoyed their time with me. Even though their deaths have caused me more pain than I ever imagined I could endure, I wouldn't have missed those years I had with them. I wouldn't trade those years in to relieve this pain. Enjoying Arley doesn't take away the others from your heart. He just adds to it. They don't replace each other, they are unique in their own ways and our bonds with each is unique. They do help us cope with the grief and they create their own special place in our hearts. I'm hoping to find another one again -- when the time is right. Until then, I'll foster when needed. It helps fill the emptiness in my house.

Take care,

Elizabeth

[nwnightowl]

I've cried so much I finally lost my voice. I just squeak now. Today is 4 weeks since Harley left and I just want to die, I can't stand the pain. I have a pet memorial candle that I got when my first dog, Windsor, died and I light it every night for Harley and Windsor now. I feel like the Universe is just beating me up over and over until I just break into pieces. I absolutely hate Sundays, I wish I could go somewhere where Sundays didn't exist. If there is anyone out there who has been to hell and survived and come back please let me know, because I am in the pit of despair and I need to know that some make it out. Thanks, EAF

[nwnightowl]

Hi Bees,

I don't know if you are still reading this message board, but I just wanted to let you know that I would be thinking about you tomorrow and I wish you some peace and light this Momorial Day holiday. Take care, EAF

[Elizabeth149]

Hi EAF,

I got your email yesterday but didn't get a chance to respond before our email went down (I use my work account). Hope yesterday was tolerable for you. I'll answer your email tomorrow when I can. Our new boss starts, so it might be nuts during the day.

I can relate to that unrelenting I want to die feeling. It's so overwhelming sometimes. It does start to ease but for everyone the amount of time is different. It's not easy to be patient but that's the best advice I can give. Time will ease your pain. I wake up wondering how much longer is this going to hurt but it hurts less than it did those first 6 months after Chela died. With Casper, I think I'm bouncing between extreme sadness and emptiness to being numb. It's been 5 months. I too feel like the universe is out to kill me because I kept getting hit with one thing after another after another. I just couldn't recover from one thing when another hit -- so I can relate on some levels. Wanting to be out of this hell but not knowing how to see my way through it. I can't say I've survived but I am surviving -- just taking one moment, one deep breath at a time.

Hang in there! You're not alone.

Elizabeth

[Elizabeth149]

Bees-you haven't been around for awhile. I'm hoping and praying that you're OK. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Big hugs,

Elizabeth

[cipher]

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU ARE FEELING RIGHT NOW,ELIZABETH,AS MY LITTLE DOG HAD TO BE PUT TO SLEEP LAST FRIDAY,JUNE25TH. TO SAY THAT I AM COMPLETELY OVERWHELMED BY GRIEF DOESN'T COME CLOSE TO DESCRIBING HOW I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW. I CRY CONSTANTLY AND WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND JUST WANDER AIMLESSLY AROUND THE HOUSE. I MISS MY LITTLE DOG SO MUCH AND JUST WANT TO BE WITH HER, I JUST CANNOT BEAR THIS GNAWING EMPTINESS INSIDE. I AM COMPLETELY HEARTBROKEN. MY LITTLE DOG WAS A TOY POODLE WHOSE NAME WAS PEBBLES,SHE WAS 17 YEARS OLD AND ALTHOUGH SHE HAD A GREAT LIFE THAT DOESN'T HELP ME COME TO TERMS WITH THIS INDESCRIBABLE FEELING OF PAIN AND LOSS. MY WIFE LOVED OUR LITLE DOG BUT SHE SEEMS TO HAVE ACCEPTED THE FACT THAT PEBBLES HAS GONE AND SHE IS QUITE PHILOSOPHIC AND TELLS ME THAT LIFE MUST GO ON. AS STRANGE AS IT MIGHT SEEM THE DEATH OF A PERSON NEVER AFFECTS ME LIKE THE DEATH OF AN ANIMAL. I HAVE ALWAYS PREFERRED TO BE AROUND ANIMALS THAN BEING IN THE COMPANY OF PEOPLE. ANIMALS GIVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE WHICH IS SOMETHING I AM UNABLE TO SAY ABOUT PEOPLE. I AM SO SAD TO LEARN OF YOUR DEVASTATING LOSS, ELIZABETH, BUT I AM ABSOLUTLY CERTAIN THAT YOUR LITTLE DOG WAS A WONDERFUL PET AND HAD SO MUCH LOVED HEAPED ON HIM. BLESS YOU, ELIZABETH, AND I HOPE YOU FIND COMFORT AND RELEASE SOON FROM THE PAIN AND THE HEARTACHE YOU ARE ENDURING. MY WARMEST REGARDS. ELWYN- IN THE UNITED KINGDOM.

[Elizabeth149]

Dear Elwyn,

I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your beloved Pebbles. I can feel the pain you're in right now. Losing someone - animal or person - that we love so dearly is such a devastating event. Words don't seem adequate enough to express the sadness and loneliness or sense of profound emptiness that grief brings with it. This thing called grief is in my opinion the worst experience a person goes through. When it's the death of a pet, many in society don't understand the depth the loss goes. My heart goes out to you. I had my dog Chela for 17 years and like you, I knew she had a wonderful life - but that didn't help me cope with being here without her. She's been gone 15 months now and I'm still trying to cope with it. Mine was compounded by the death of my 13 year old dog Casper 9 months later, along with an accident that has caused severe physical issues as well - but the deaths of my dogs has just been overwhelming to me. I still cry almost every day. I do feel like I'm beginning to come to terms with it but I'm still missing them horribly. It was easier on me emotionally to lose my mother and my brother than it has been to lose my dogs - so I understand where you're coming from. Our animals love us unconditionally; whereas people don't. Our dogs are there to greet us cheerfully regardless of how their days went; people - they don't do that. No matter how much we love a person, that person will at some point say or do something that hurts us. Our animals don't. I too prefer the company of my animals over people 99.9% of the time and always have. I think it's the unconditional acceptance they offer. Your wife is right in that life does go on but it's important that you work through what you're feeling and experiencing with the loss of Pebbles. Sharing your grief with those who understand is helpful; you'll find that you're not alone in how you feel towards your pet. You're not crazy or weird for mourning Pebbles. In my search for some understanding, I've found that many of the petloss books and literature compare the loss of an animal to that of a child. The bonds go very deep for some with their animals, and it's important that you connect with like minded people - who can help you process this loss in your life. I'll be honest, it's going to hurt for awhile - a therapist friend suggested that I just accept that life is going to suck for the first year because it's full of firsts. But, on the other side of grief, you'll find some comfort eventually, and some peace. Knowing Pebbles had a wonderful and long life with you will bring you comfort - just not right now. It might help you to write down in a journal what you're feeling during those middle of the night wanderings when sleep isn't possible. Writing letters to Pebbles may be helpful as well as writing letters to you from her. Please try and get what extra rest you can as your body is in shock and needs nurturing and care right now. This too means eating healthy foods. It also can be helpful to get physical exercise. I found that daily walks helped ease the anxiety a bit. Try and find an outlet - something you can do that takes your mind away from your grief for a little while. It'll probably only be little chunks of time at first as your thoughts will likely return to your loss and sadness. There are many resources here and online dealing with pet loss. There's a live chat at www.ALLN.org on Wednesday nights at 8:30 eastern time. I'm not sure what that transfers to where you are, but you're welcome to join. It really does help a little to be able to "talk" with those who are in the same situation. I hope you're able to find something that brings you some comfort. Especially during these early days when the pain is so raw. Sending you a hug from Utah (USA). Hang in there and please be gentle to yourself for awhile. Hugs, Elizabeth

[cipher]

MY SINCERE THANKS TO YOU,ELIZABETH. YOUR REPLY HAS HELPED ME MORE THAN WORDS CAN EXPRESS. JUST TO HEAR ANOTHER PERSON PROVIDE SYMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING OF THE SITUATION IS HELPFUL. WHY IS IT THAT THE PEOPLE I KNOW DON'T SEEM TO BE TOO CONCERNED WITH THE LOSS OF MY DOG,IT'S AS IF THEY DON'T CARE. PERHAPS I AM OVERREACTING, BUT I GET THE DISTINCT IMPRESSION THAT BRITISH PEOPLE ARE NOT AS MUCH A NATION OF ANIMAL LOVERS AS THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE. I HAVE JUST RECENTLY RETURNED FROM THE US AND I SIMPLY LOVE THE COUNTRY AND THE PEOPLE. MY WIFE AND I HAVE BEEN FORTUNATE TO HAVE VISITED THE US MANY TIMES ON VACATION AND FOR ME IT IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY ON EARTH. IF I HAD THE FINANCIAL RESOURCES I WOULD LEAVE BRITAIN AND SETTLE IN AMERICA TOMORROW. ONCE AGAIN MANY,MANY THANKS TO YOU ,ELIZABETH AND MY DEAREST WISH IS THAT YOU SOON FIND THE PEACE OF MIND YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING,ELIZABETH. GOD BLESS YOU.

[MartyT]

To our dear friend across the pond, there is precious little I can add to Elizabeth's beautiful response to you, but I thought you may be interested in this article about pet loss support services in the UK, which appeared in our Grief Healing Twitter stream over the weekend: The End of the Affair: Why Do We Get So Grief-Stricken at the Loss of a Pet? The article contains links to resources in your country that you may find helpful. Also be sure to visit the pages of our Grief Healing Web site, most especially this one: Pet Loss Articles

[Elizabeth149]

You're very welcome Eldwyn, it's a tough time and it's a lonely time and though I"m not on the other side of grief yet, all I can really offer is the hope that it will ease. There will be moments - maybe even days - when you feel like you'll be OK and then something triggers the profound sadness again and you feel like you're starting over. Maybe knowing this will likely happen will help you feel a little prepared for what is to come. There will come times when you find yourself smiling or even laughing for the first time and it may surprise you that you're laughing when your heart is still so broken. It's a hard road and quite unpleasant, but you will get through it. Just take baby steps, don't worry about how you'll cope tomorrow, just focus on the here and now. That helps me cope when I feel overwhelmed by it all.

I will agree with you, my country is the greatest even with all the problems we have. I do know there are animal lovers there, they just might not be as open as we Americans can be. You'll find them. INn the meantime, you can find sympathetic and listening ears and open hearts here. I'm glad something I said earlier helped - I'm hoping that you'll find many things that help ease your pain. Like I said earlier, it'll probably be little chunks at first but you will find relief eventually. Remember to be kind to yourself. Sending you a BIG HUG and hope you find in person hugs because those to help!! Elizabeth

[nwnightowl]

Today it has been 12 weeks since my little Harley died and I struggle every day. I miss him so much there aren't words to describe it. He was such a huge part of my life. One of his human family members died recently, I never thought I would be jealous of a dead person, but now he gets to be with Harley. I don't know why life has to be such a struggle. Harley should still be here it isn't fair. I know no one ever said life would be fair, I feel like I am just surviving, marking off days in a prison until I can be with Harley again. Thanks for listening, Elizabeth

[kayc]

To me it is easy to see why one would grieve so heavily over the loss of their pet. I can't count how many dogs and cats I've owned in my life and while each one has been loved and unique, there are certain ones that stand out because of their fit in the family and we will always miss and love each one of them. If I were to lose my Arlie, I don't know how I could survive it, he is everything to me, he is loving, entertaining and funny, such a wonderful companion! To even imagine living without his greeting me in the morning, his rolling over so I'll rub his belly (he's the biggest baby in the world!), his excitement and zest in life, our daily walks, coming home to his running around the house and playing, his snuggling up to me for love at night, his wanting in on any hugs going on (group hugs!), or even his begging for whatever we're eating, and teasing/playing with him...well, he just consumes so much of my life and he is the best part of it! How do you go from such an important relationship...to missing them? Well it's not that unlike what I went through when I lost my husband...you continue to exist, but you miss them in a profound way. You try to fill the voids the best way you can. And always, you remember them. You keep your hopes on seeing them again one day and look forward to that spot in time when you'll be reunited. And you do whatever you can to give place to the grief you are feeling...you write about it, you talk about it, you may use art or some other form, but you express what you are feeling so you don't keep it bottled up...and you may walk or some other form of exercise to get out the pent out stress that comes with grief.

My heart goes out to each of you that is missing your best friends.