3 Months Now And Getting Harder

[RonnieLou]

I'm new to this site...and pretty used to "having it all together". I thought I could do this by myself, but the longer this goes, I see that I am wrong....and that it's ok to admit that you are hurting and weak.......

My husband was a missionary and died of a heart attack on an airplane on his way to the Philippines in January of 2005, he was 44 years old...... I have 4 children that have been wonderful for me, but I too feel "lost"...We would have celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary on March 15. I never really realized how much of my identity I got from being joined to this man....I always thought I was pretty "independent", but now have realized how much I was "co-dependent" upon him. The best way to describe it is, that I feel "alone, "naked", "uncovered" and "exposed" for all the world to see....I'm not even sure who "I" am without "him"...I realize now that all my "likes" and "dislikes" had become his "likes" and "dislikes"...all my "goals" and "dreams" had become "his goals and dreams".....etc. I don't even know where to start to find "myself" again....However, I know that "In our weakness, God is made strong" so I am trusting that God will somehow enable each one of us to find our way and to come into our own purpose for being, turning our tragedies into victories.....God bless each of you on your journey to find happiness once again...

REV. LARRY N. KEY

Born 1960 Died 2005

www.childrenshungernetwork.org

[FLERIN]

Hello I find myself feeling alot of the things your a re feeling about being co-dependant. How do we regain our self from such tragedy? I'm still not sure but I also lost my soulmate in Dec 2004 and my heart truly goes out to you and everyone who is going through such pain as we are. There are no comforting words that I have heard yet but we must stay strong because thats what our loved ones would want us to do. I'm sorry for your loss. I know you were looking for maybe some insight I have none to offer except just know there are others going through this and i'm glad I found this sight to reach out to. I pray for all everyone who has felt such loss.

[Scribe]

How resonant your words are with me. I, too, lost my best friend, sweetheart, and soulmate of 44 years in December of 2004. She was such an integral part of my being that I truly don't know who I am. We each have a distinctive pattern of grief; a long road that we must travel inch by inch. Just know that you are not alone. There are many of us. Communicating does help. My prayers and thoughts are with you.