STARKISS Posted June 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 13, 2010 Hi Ellen, Thanks for your input, I have thought it over and are planning to do it as scheduled on August 25th of this year... As you say are they going to sue me for the ashes... I have made as many attempts to ask for their input and I will do what I need to do... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted June 14, 2010 Report Share Posted June 14, 2010 Hi niamh, My brother called me today and says my ideal was great, he was not sure of the tree but if everyone else liked the ideal he would agree... I am thrilled that he liked the whole plan now if I can get the other two brothers and my sister to say something... I am going to phone my brother and discuss maybe planting the tree at his house, he has a very big yard... Shelley that's good news Shelley, one brother down, 3 siblings to go so you are getting there with the arrangements. It may be slow but it's happening and you have time to keep working them between now and August so I'm sure it will happen then alright by the sounds of things, hugs and love, niamh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted June 14, 2010 Author Report Share Posted June 14, 2010 Thanks Niamh, Yes that is one brother down and two to go, plus I think my sister will go with whatever everyone else says... So Yes I have till August and I know in my heart we will all come together and make the right choice for all of us... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 30, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 Hi All, We have still done nothing with the remains of our parents and with this family therapy session coming up I was thinking this might also be a good time to mention it again while we were all together... What do people think??? I just want it all to be over so that I can get on with my life and maybe even some happiness... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted January 30, 2011 Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 Dear Shelley, Oh my gosh, I am sorry that I did not read this thread until this very moment. Gosh, such a weight to carry for so long. I seem to want to refer you back to Marty's post in this thread on May 31st last year. The upcoming family session is already going to be "enough" to get through in my thinking. I think you have given your siblings ample time to contribute to this decision already and they haven't. Perhaps at this Family session, you could just simply state" And in regards to our parents remains, I have been trying to include you all in the decision of what to do, because I love you all, but the fact that none of you have offered any feedback, and to continue to not have anything done is to much of weight for me and hinders my healing, so I have decided to do...and then state what that is...and if then they have some input ..FINALLY...just be firm and say... no not up for discussion any more..I offered that already...just wanted to let you all know what was happening. It is sad but true Shelley that someone always has to be the "leader" and more and more I see that in your Family, that the "leader" is you. In any event, I support what ever it is that feels "right" for you and offers you "healing" Gosh....((((HUGS)))) Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted January 30, 2011 Report Share Posted January 30, 2011 It seems only two of them have power of attorney so perhaps only two need to agree and the other siblings can go along or not. It is so painful to go through this....I am so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grace10 Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Starkiss, August 25 seems like a long, long time to wait. We are still in January! Do you have the remains? Also, powers of attorneys end when someone die. They have absolutely no legal merit. They are NOT your mother's power of attorney anymore. It is possible the executor(s) of the will would be in the position to carry out your mother's wishes. Who is that? Furthermore, there are all kinds of legalities, need for permits, etc. regarding the scattering of ashes. In honor of memoralizing your mother, please do what you can to make the scattering of remains legal! You just do not dump ashes anywhere. Your other family members do not have power of attorney anymore. Furthermore, there are laws regarding disposal of ashes and they should be looked into. You just cannot dispose ashes anywhere. If they are disposed at someone's house, and the house is sold, in some cases, this would have to be disclosed to the new buyer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted January 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Hi Grace, Thanks for your input, my mother did not want a grave of any sorts and since both my parents died within months of each other I have them both... I will talk it over again with the family and see if we can put them to rest.. I think that it is time and my family was waiting for me to come to the point where I can say my good byes since I lived with my parents for over 40 years... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grace10 Posted January 31, 2011 Report Share Posted January 31, 2011 Shelley, Sounds like a good plan. Also, I think it is of the highest importance for everyone to keep in mind the wishes of your parents. This is about their wishes, and really not about yours and your family members' agendas. If they wanted their ashes scattered, then so be it, they should be scattered as soon as possible, and hopefully it will be done legally. Be glad they let you know their wishes. It is really against their wishes now with the ashes being in your possession. My mother wanted a grave side service and to be buried. So, we honored her wishes. We also did not wait for someone who would have wanted to be at the service but was impossible to locate at the time. We did the service on a Friday, as planned, and I did not hear from this person until Sunday. On that day, I drove hours to visit him and we talked about mother. We just do the best we can. Blessings, and I hope this all works out! G Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted March 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2011 Hi All, Here we go again with the remains again... I really need to deal with them but the family does not want to do it yet... I am having such a hard time right now because I worry the longer it takes to deal the more pain it will cause when we do it... I try and tell them but no one will listen and I figure I am just one of the family and there are four others to deal with... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grace10 Posted March 27, 2011 Report Share Posted March 27, 2011 Shelly, I, of course, do not know your family, but my concerns, from what I do know, is that the family members are going to continue to find reasons to drag this on and on, have some kind of emergency in August, or be on vacation, or have some kind of back-to-school concern. The end of August is a super busy time for a lot of people. I would go back and read Marty's advice. And, others' advice too. This is hurting you, and I really cannot imagine that your mother would want to make you almost hostage to her ashes. I personally could not stand living with ashes, but that's me. I would just find a place and spread them and let the family know where. If they want to go there in remembrance, that would be great. If they would like to have some kind of memorial in August, or whenever so be it, but I think you closure is the most important. You can have your own, personal memorial service, maybe invite friends if family cannot be there. You have the ashes, right? So, I think you are just going to have to be the leader here and take charge. So, maybe not everyone is happy, but it just cannot be our job to make everyone happy, especially those who are, in my mind, are simply procrastinating for whatever reason and really being very inconsiderate of your needs. I hope some of this is helpful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 27, 2011 Report Share Posted March 27, 2011 Shelley, dear ~ I can only re-state what I said to you in an earlier post: http://hovforum.ipbh...indpost&p=40330 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted March 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2011 Thanks Marty and Grace 10, I appreciate your reply I think that I would love to just go and do it but I am so scared of my own family that is part of the reason too... How can one person be so scared to talk with her own family but I am ... Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now