There Goes My Entire World

[Paindora]

Hello, I am new here, my name is Cynthia and I am in a hellish place, my lovely Mother, Claudette is dying of cancer, it is everywhere in her body now and I can't sleep, eat or drink water without force. I am so upset by the loss that is just ahead that my heart feels as if it is being shattered. I have had a very rough life, starting with illness and way too many moves, I should be used to saying goodbye by now. I don't know how to do this and I am scared to be so alone. Any suggestions, support, advice will be appreciated beyond any words I have.

I am tired now, must get some rest if nothing else. My dog is blind and old, is sick also and I feel that when they both leave me here to deal with the loss I will not ever smile again. I moved over here to rescue my Mother from the verbal and financial abuse of my sister, she bankrupted my Mother and she had to sell her house, after refinancing it to pay off debt of my sister, then something happened and the relationship was abusive, so I moved here, then I got sick after doing a bone marrow transplant for my brother, I was also told I have hepatitis C and stage four damage, I did the chemo treatment, but it did not work, if I can hang on until next year I will be asked to try a new medication that is 98 percent effective.

The house I purchased flooded when ever it rained and the attorney said not to repair anything until we go to court, that took two long years and when our court date came up, I was too weak on chemo to last a nine hour day in court and settled for pennies, then applied for the home affordability program, but they seem to be so disorganized that they keep losing my forms and now have turned me down, I can't work yet, I won't be able to afford to stay here and really don't want to, so many things terrible have happened here, but I have nowhere to go and no one.

This just hurts so much, I don't know how anyone can make it through this sort of thing...

It is nice to be here, and I am looking forward to meeting all of you,

Cynthia

[niamh]

hi Cynthia,

I am so sorry about your Mom and all the pain you have now. Also so sorry for your medical problems now aswell, my heart goes out to you.

I don't know what it's like, I lost my Dad suddenly just before Christmas so I can't begin to comprehend your pain with your Mom.

But WELCOME to this site, it is my lifeline with my grief these days. The kindness and care from everyone here sharing their stories, their pain etc. I hope you may find some small comfort just knowing you are not as alone as you might think. Though each of us has a unique story, unique grief, unique pain you will find people can relate to you, can relate to your feelings and do so WITHOUT JUDGEMENT,without trying to "fix" you.

While nothing makes it easier for me, nothing takes away my pain and loneliness, I do find some comfort to just know someone else feels similar things to me.

I wish i had words of advice for you, I wish i knew what to say but I don't think there are any words when it comes to this. So I will send you lots of love and hugs and I hope you keep sharing here,

niamh

xox

[2sweetgirls]

Hi Cynthia,

WOW!!! That is a lot of things to just read muchless experience it. I'm so sorry about you, your mom and the situation with your sister. I wish I could say I understand but, my experience is different. I lost my mom Nov. 30, 2009. I miss her terribly. My dad has stage 4 bone cancer but is doing well - thank the Lord.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you but, that would be too easy, right?

Welcome to this site and please share anything, anytime. I have found that sharing and having someone acknowledge your feeling really helps.

Hugs to you!!!!

2sweetgirls

[mlg]

I am so sorry for your situation and can only tell you that I had a similar thing with my husband and dog. My husband was dying of pancreatic cancer and my dog was over 16 and I thought too that I would lose them together. Well, Holly (the dog) lasted almost 1 mos after Tom died and was so comforting to me. The month after she died a friend found a pup dodging traffic with it's mom and rescued it. No one claimed him and I have had him every since. He is the best thing that happened to me and sometimes I almost swear he is my husband reincarnated. He has given me a purpose for coming home, loves me unconditionally and brings great joy to me. It may not be right for you but once you have been able to get your life back on track it's something you too may consider. Right now just hang in there, drink things like ensure or instant breakfast so you are getting nourishment if nothing else. Know that the people here are praying for you.

I'm glad you found this site before your mother's passing because you can get some comfort now also. Is your mother in hospice? If not is is something you may want to consider. I know people have a hard time because they tell you to enter that they feel your time is 6 mos or less, but don't let that scare you because I know a lady who was off and on it for 5 years. If you are your mom's caregiver it will help you, it keeps your mom more comfortable and is usually cheaper than other care. I have had to use it 4 times and only once was a bad experience.

Good luck to you.