Post Dramatic Stress Syndrome

[justincase]

I think dramatic fits better than traumatic.

Ever since my mom's death I feel like I have been playing out this overly dramatic role play. I think, feel, say, and do things that are so intense, it seems like some character in a movie or play. I have images of impending doom. I have been paranoid and thinking everyone is turning on me for all of my mistakes of denial, ignorance and apathy that I made during my mom's illness, the bleeding of feelings I done everywhere to everyone without any sense of decorum. I have been overly reacting to issues(and I do think I mean overly reacting) because it seems like more than just overreacting. It seems I have been making an ass of my self as I try to vent anger. I just can't seem to...???....ANYTHING!

I must admit that as I write this, that character starts to fade and I begin to feel a bit more "normal" again. Anyone else relate to anything like this? However, I can't sit at a computer all day typing just to keep the "hecklers" at bay.

I currently do not have a job. Every morning when my wife leaves the house, I am fine. By noon, I am wound up so tight I can barely function. Very little of my issue is actually about my mom but her death seem to set it off. Almost like separation anxiety or ya know when a baby starts to walk but still needs that thread to be held onto in order to make it across the room? I hadn't realized that at 1800 miles away and 44 years old, I still needed my mom to be hangin' on to that thread. I have had mental/emotional issues in the past but I thought I had dealt with it and was moving on...?

Doin' better...for a minute or two.

Thanks for the ear. I feel I have been burnin' up ears left and right and just can't get through all of this. Anyone else felt this way? It is enveloping me and at times IT will not go away.

I miss my mama!!!

[niamh]

hi justincase,

I'm not sure how you think you are "over reacting" to issues, what the issues are and what your reactions are ?

With me I find the smallest thing can set me off into a temper ....more like a rage deep down inside or into a state when I can hardly breath properly & I just sob and sob so hard. Any bit of stress at all and I'm gone into one of these "fits". Others who can't relate may see it as over reacting, I don't, it's just a reaction to this unbelievably huge sudden void that nothing can replace, nothing can fill, nothing can change.

I definitely know what you mean when you talk about separation anxiety. I've now realised since losing my Dad that it does not matter how old you are, how old your parents are, if you lose one,the bottom just falls out of your world. I think parents always provide a sense of security no matter how old we are and when we lose that it's scary and the effects can hardly be described to someone who hasn't been through it, the effects are so much more than feeling sad and lonely.

I think what it's probably the hardest part of it is the very fact that we cannot change it, we have absolutely ZERO control over this. It's like anything else in life you can change to some degree or another, you can have some sense of control over but for this nothing at all can be changed or controlled and sometimes I feel that loss of control spirals into other areas and it feels like everything is out of control.

Just know that you are normal, it may not be the old "normal" you used to be but it's a new normal and that takes time to adjust and that time is different for each of us. I personally think I will spend the rest of my life trying to adjust, I've not only lost my Dad but I've lost so much of myself aswell.

we'll never tire of you hear so keep yapping to us

hugs & love to you

niamh