Hanging On The Best I Can After The Loss Of My Dear Dad.

[Butterfly9]

Hi LouLou,

I forgot to mention that in the reading, George Anderson said my Dad was holding a lighted birthday cake! Is that neat or what! That tells me that my Dad was there on my birthday and in the reading he was telling me that and wishing me a “happy birthday!” I have this beautiful picture in my mind with him smiling and holding the lighted birthday cake!

I guess some of us seem to question things when a precious loved one passes away. We really need to know for sure if life after death is true. Our Faith gets a good shaking and we have to try hard to get back up on our feet again and find Faith again.

That is great your Dad came to you in a dream. Sometimes they don’t speak. I have had a dream with my Dad smiling and sitting on the couch. Even if the dream is short and no words are spoken, it is nice to see them. Maybe he looked sad because he knows how hard it has been for you. He showed himself to you as being healthy and younger. Absolutely those songs were sent to you especially from your Dad. They say there are no coincidences. The hazards lights coming on when you were talking about your Dad is definitely him saying “I’m right here.” Be patient and pray to your Dad for more signs and to visit you in your dreams. It might take some time. I too always want more but they will send you a sign in their own time. Just because you have not received any signs lately does not mean your Dad is not around you. He is around you more than you think.

I enjoy the subject on the afterlife and read a lot about it. They do hear us and see us. They know what is going on in our lives because they continue on loving us. Nothing has changed. They are the same person they were when they were here in the physical form.

I too really love and miss my Dad. He knows that and your Dad knows that also. I too think I was meant to come across this forum so I can get wonderful support from all of you here! Thank you all so much! It means a lot to me!

Sending you hugs, love, comfort and strength.

Buffterfly9

[loulou]

Butterfly...hmm,when I was in high school,and living with my dad,(that was the closest we ever were),my favorite thing was butterflies.Any-hoo,I'm really feeling better about my the whole life-after death.That's so cool,that he said he was holding a b-day cake!I can see it in my head.My b-day was about 2 weeks after dad passed,and it sucked!Then my dad's b-day was a week later.I'm dreading father's day.I really hope he sees how much I miss him.I never got to tell him all the things I wish I did.He ment so much to me,and I'm not sure I made it clear.I just wanted to thank you for being so strong on you beliefs,it has helped me.I needed some help in that department.I'm off to read some of those post Marty put up...take care honey.I'm all ears if you ever need to talk.

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

I just read a wonderful article on the Open to Hope Web site that I think you will appreciate. See Deceased Son Gives Mom Signs, Comfort, posted by Sheri Perl on June 7, 2010.

[loulou]

That was a great article,Marty.What a beautiful story.It makes me think of all the small "signs"I always blow off...sometimes I hear my dad's voice in my head telling me things.It's only happened like 2 or 3 times,but I hope it really is him.Thank you.

[Butterfly9]

Hi LouLou,

Butterflies are one of my favorite things also. I have butterfly items at home and work. I’m glad you are feeling better about the afterlife.

Yes, my Dad holding the birthday cake made my day! I know what you meant about having a terribly birthday and then to have your Dad’s birthday a week later. That must have been really hard. I too am dreading Father’s Day. I would be shopping for a gift for my Dad and now he isn’t here in the physical form. You see ads and commercials. However, even though they are not here in the physical form, they are here in the spiritual form. Our Dads are here for us always. I will still celebrate Father’s Day because I still have a Dad. I will get him some flowers and a card. Our loved ones who have crossed over love when we celebrate them and include them in our lives. It is important to them and important to us. They like to continue to be a part of the Family. They will always be part of the Family.

Your Dad definitely sees how much you love and miss him. You can still tell your Dad things that you weren’t able to and how much he means (present tense because he is alive and well) to you. Your Dad can hear you. Maybe light a candle and tell him all the things that you need to.

That is great that you can hear your Dad’s voice in your head. I truly believe that it is your Dad. We have a special bond of love with our Dads that can never be broken.

I too look forward to reading all the links Marty posted.

Hugs to you.

Butterfly9

[niamh]

hi Butterfly,

I love when you tell us our Dad's till here us, are still with us and them still continuing to be part of the family. I think someone else telling me that straight like that helps a little. And I love when you talk about him in present tense aswell, I do that also. I keep telling myself he's not gone, he's just changed and for now I don't understand that change but our bond is still there as strong as ever. I had to email someone yesterday who asked for his full name and I type it as "his name is" instead of "was" because just because yep he is just somewhere else. I just keep on telling myself that.

I hope I'll hear that voice someday.actually I often heard it after my Aunt passed,I was very close to her. But the night we were driving to the hospital I prayed so hard to my Aunt on the way in, in the car and thought everything was going to be alright,I could hear my Aunt saying that. I though that it was probably a false alarm (we'd had one years ago when he was in hospital). I guess that probably another thing that has shaken me so much on the afterlife because I guess part of me thinks it was all BS in my head all these years considering what happened so that made me doubt things even more.

But I'll keep trying and I'll keep looking for the signs and hopefully one day something happens that I can't doubt.

Is fathers day June 20th for you guys also ? I also plan on getting flowers, think I will take them on on the saturday evening though so I can be on my own, I'm sure on sunday they place will be packed with people and I prefer having my alone time when I visit him.

Do you mind me asking butterfly, you say you will buy a card for him.....will you just write in it and keep it at home ? I would love if there was something I could get to hold a card in the cemetery, not sure if you can get something like that. Maybe I'll look into getting something made. I was going to get him one for his birthday in April but I just could not bring myself to even look at them in the shops.

I am so glad you found your way to us to share all your beautiful ideas and thoughts

thanks hun, and much love and hugs to you,

niamh

[Butterfly9]

Hi Niamh,

Yes, I will always use the present tense when I talk about my Dad. I talk to my Mom all the time about my Dad in the present tense. I truly believe our Dads/loved ones are around us and yes, they are not gone. There is no death, just a transition into another dimension we call home. That is our real home. The physical body may have died but that is not who we really are. The soul is the true essence of our being where it has all the love, memories and our personality; everything of who we are. The physical body is merely the housing for our soul so we can do all the things here what we need to do. Since we are in the physical we really miss them not being here in the physical form. Right now I am going through some hard times at work with layoffs and management changes. I don’t like change and it has been really hard. I wish my Dad were here so I could talk with him about it. My Dad knows how hard it has been and I’m sure he is helping me through this. Thank goodness I have my Mom to talk to.

When you say you hope you hear that voice, do you mean you can hear your Aunt’s voice in your head at times, who passed away? That is wonderful. Maybe in time you will also hear your Dad’s voice. Yes, I know what you mean when they are in the hospital and you think they will pull through and be okay, then it turns around and does the opposite. You think, how can this happen? He should be here with us and not on the other side. Those life changing events really shake our Faith and we have to try so hard to get back up and put the pieces together again. It is so hard.

Yes, just be patient for the signs. Keep asking your Daddy to send you some signs that you know they will be from him. It takes times. It sounds like he has sent you some signs already with the two songs.

Yes, Father’s Day in the US is also on June 20th. Going Saturday to the cemetery so you can have some alone time with your Dad will be great. As you say, I’m sure there will be a lot of people at the cemetery on Sunday. Your Dad will really enjoy your being there and celebrating this special day in honor of him with his very special daughter. My Mom has my Dad’s ashes in an urn at home. We currently have flowers there and I have a battery operated candle that has been lit since he crossed over. However, I will put the flowers in the living room with the card as always when we celebrate those occasions. Maybe you can have the Father’s Day card laminated so you can keep it there at the cemetery for awhile? You can punch a hole in the upper corner so you can fasten it with a nice ribbon and attached it to a small stake in front or on the side of the grave. They might also have a clear plastic or vinyl insert at an office supply store where you can put the whole card in to protect it.

Your Dad understands perfectly how hard it has been for you and that you couldn’t bring yourself to look at birthday cards. The very special bond we have with our Daddies/loved ones grows stronger each day. Nothing can break it not even being in different dimensions. That is so wonderful, isn’t it? The love they have for us continues to grow stronger each day.

Sending you hugs, love, strength and comfort.

Butterfly9

[EllenB]

Hi Butterfly,

I lost my dad on May 8, 2001 the day before my birthday and I lost my mother on May 18, 2010, 5 days before my daughter's birthday. My dad passed from a massive heart attack which was totally devestating. To this day, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. I hope to dream of him because I consider it a visit. I have had dreams with him in it, but not the type of dream that I want. I have read many books about the afterlife and I truly believe that I will see him again and all of my family that has passed. I have a large picture of my father that I see every day and I talk to him out loud. I certainly hope he is listening.

My mother just passed and she passed in a different way; we had hospice come to my sister's house and she passed looking straight into my eyes while holding my hand. I was telling her it was ok to go, the pain will stop, you will get to see daddy, we love you etc...It was much more difficult to watch a parent or loved one in pain and coherent. It was very painful and this pain continues as I type. It has not been even been a month and it does not feel right. I can't believe my mother is gone. This will take time as well.

There is a difference between my parents deaths. I have not felt my dad's presence around, but I feel my mother's presence pretty much all of the time. It is hard to describe; she was always worried about me (I am 54) and I feel that she won't cross over until my life is running smoothly. That was her. I do believe that I will see my family again and they will be walking and happy without pain and in a better place.

We grieve here; the pain of this greif is unbearable but life must go on. It is difficult at times, but time does heal. The hurt is so strong; how do I move ahead? But we go threw the motions and we just do. Time is a healer. We just have to remember to speak of our loved ones so their memory stays alive with our words. Our children need to be told about their grandparents and remember them.

Time is a healer, but losing a parent is like losing a chunk of yourself that will never be replaced.

Hang in there.

Ellen

[niamh]

thanks Butterfly, I love reading your posts so much with your thoughts on afterlife. I've been telling myself this last week over and over again that this is temporary ie me being here on earth, that it's not forever, it's just a stopover and we'll all be together again. I often wonder does he meet John Denver now, I think he was his biggest fan . Your words are just beautiful, "crossed over" I like too. These days I can't handle the words "died, death, dead" ....it's like I just don't know what exactly the really mean and they are just horrible words.

Yeah so I would talk to my Aunt all the time when I lost her, we were just so close. Often I would ask her things, ask for her help etc and I would hear these thoughts in my head, and it would be her voice just telling me something, I was always comforted by it. Haven't talked to her since I lost Dad, I guess I lost my faith in all of it thinking maybe it was all just in my head, maybe it was just wishful thinking. But I do keep focusing on trying to believe it fully and I won't ever ever give up hope of hearing from my Dad again. Yep the bond is so special as you say, it cannot be broken, only changed and that change is hard to manage when we don't understand things 100%.

thank you so much for the idea of laminating a card, I hadn't thought of that. I think I will look into buying a little machine for home use so I can put little cards up there every so often, I like that idea so much, THANK YOU hunny.

I hope things go ok with work for you, change is hard, it's worrying and stressful and right now its the last thing you need. I know what you mean about being able to talk to your Dad about it. My Dad was always my sounding board when things get hard in work and he always knew the right thing to say and always gave me comfort. He would often send an email checking up on me in work the day after I had ranted about something, I miss so so much. I just find I go to pieces when the smallest thing goes wrong and stresses me out and it's always because I can't talk to Dad about it, never really much about the issue itself. I hope so much work will settle for you and you will be able to adjust to the change. One day at a time, that's about the only way I can manage things.

thank you again so much for your wonderful words and your inspiring belief. Sending you lots of Daddy girl hugs and love.

niamh

[Butterfly9]

Hi Ellen,

I am so sorry to hear about your Dad and your Mom. Sending you a great big hug. Losing parents and all loved ones is devastating. Losing your Dad the day before your birthday and your Mom 5 days before your daughter’s birthday is terrible. Me too, not a day goes by that I don’t think of my Dad. It must have been really hard when your Dad passed away suddenly.

That must have been so, so difficult having to look into your mothers eyes while holding her hand and telling it is okay to cross over. I can’t even imagine that. I don’t think I could have handled that if my Dad was awake. I’m so sorry for the pain you are going through. I wish I could say some comforting words. I know what you mean that you can’t believe she is gone. I say it all the time about my Dad. He should be here with us. It is shocking. Your Mom is not in any pain anymore and she is with your Dad now. She is healed, happy and in the most beautiful place. Now you have two special Guardian Angels watching over you until you all can be together again someday. I know it doesn’t bring a lot of comfort because you would like your Mom to be healed and here in the physical form.

You say you have had dreams with your Dad in them but not the type you want. What do you mean? They say that there is a small window where the souls are able to reach us via our subconscious which is a visitation when we are dreaming. However, at some point, our conscious brain kicks in and starts to change the dream to our fears and worries. That is why we can have a good dream and then it starts to turn bad where we find our loved ones are sick again. The part that is bad is what your brain created. The good part is the actual visitation. The part of the visitation that is real will make you feel wonderful. It can be a short visitation just to say “hi’.

I’m so glad you have read many books about the afterlife and you truly believe you will see your loved ones again someday. I totally believe that. I’m sure that picture you have of your Dad is precious. Yes, your Dad is listening to you every time you talk to him. Even if you are thinking about him in your head he can hear you.

I wish I could answer why we feel the presence of one person and lot and not the other. I do believe your Dad is still around you even if you can’t feel his presence like your Mom’s presence. They say at times you can feel their presence and then there can be times where you feel they aren’t around or not that much. They are around but there are times where we need to tread ahead on our own a little while and find that Faith. However, they are nearby helping us through this difficult time even if their presence isn’t felt. Then you might get a sign again or feel their presence.

Thank you for your words of encouragement that time is a healer and to remember to talk about our loved ones. There are times where I do think, how can I move ahead without my Dad being here in the physical form? It is so difficult. It is such a struggle. You are absolutely right that losing a parent/loved one is like losing a chunk of yourself that will never be replaced.

Sending you hugs, love, comfort and strength,

Butterfly9

[Butterfly9]

Hi Niamh,

You are absolutely right that this life here is only temporary. We are here to learn. When we have learned all what we need to, it will be time for us to graduate also into the afterlife where we can be with all our loved ones again who have crossed over before us. Just knowing that keeps me going, even if it is at a turtle’s pace. I too do not use the words died, dead and death. I don’t like those words. There is no death. I also like crossed over, other side of the veil, or transition into the next dimension. Those all show continuation of life because we all do continue to live once we cross over. I have read it is like stepping into another room. They are more alive there because they don’t have a physical body to cause pain but a spiritual body that is so alive and free.

I think that is wonderful that you can hear your Aunt’s voice in your head. It is not wishful thinking or just in your head. That was your Aunt communicating to you to comfort you. She knows you are grieving about your Dad. Maybe try and talk to her and maybe she can send you some comforting words to help you? No, you must not ever give up hope of hearing from your Dad. That is true that the bond is so strong and special and cannot ever be broken. It has only changed (us in the physical world and our Dads in the Afterlife/Spiritual world) and we don’t truly understand it.

You’re welcome. That sounds wonderful laminating cards throughout the year to bring to your Dad. I know he will really enjoy them!

Thank you. I too hope things get better at work. I’m grieving and now I have to worry about work also. It isn’t easy. I still have a job but I don’t know how things will go with new management. I guess I can only wait and see and as you say, take it one day at a time. That is so sweet that your Dad would send you an e-mail at work to see how you were doing when things were tough at work. I know what you mean when they aren’t here in the physical form to discuss these things with them and get their input. Sometimes I sit back and try to think what my Dad would say to comfort me. Maybe, just maybe if we listen real closely, we can hear what they are saying. It can come through as our voice in our heads but actually be our Dads communicating to us.

Sending you also lots of Daddy girl hugs and love.

Butterfly9

[Den's Gail]

Thanks SO much Marty for taking the time to put all of these together for us in one place. This will sure help me pass the time during the night when I'm up and can't sleep.

Lots of hugs...

Gail