Very Painful Days/nights

[Tina K]

Tomorrow marks the 5th month of my husband's death. It feels like only today, the pain is still so strong I hate to wake up. My love and I shared 44 years together, and his not being here is total hell for me. We were quite close and he was such a wonderful husband and father and grand popo as his grand kids called him. He had an unexpected Massive Stroke. He was not ill and it was such a shock, his doctor was taken aback by it as well. I pray for him every day and I know he is in a better place and I am just glad he didn't suffer. It was so quick. I visit his gravy regularly. He is a Viet Nam Vet and was buried with honors. My children and I are very proud to have shared a life with him, He was a good man. But the pain will take time to ease off. Thanks for listening to me.

[closs86]

Hi Tina

It has been 2 months that I lost my husband, and we were also together 44 years, we had a good marriage, and he was a good man, kind, we have children and grandchildren, and we all miss him so much, it is sickening,I have a twisted stomach and chest since this happened, some days it is a drop better, and some days a lot worse, right now I am feeling very angry for the past few days, no reason just angry, and I hate it, don't like this feeling, I dont have any patience, and don't want to be bothered. I hope this passes. How can we ever feel better, I was with him since I was 16, I don't know any other way, so scary.

Take care

karen

[Lainey]

Dear Tina,

I am sorry for your loss. My husband has been gone almost six months and there are days that it feels like it just happened yesterday. We were together for 43 years, he was(is) the love of my life. The grandbabies(13 and 10) loved spending time with grampa also.

Because of a doctor not doing his job, we lost him to bladder cancer. I was very angry for awhile, thought about how I could ruin his practise. After talking to my Doctor I realized that the anger was hurting me..not the incompetent doctor.

I am finding that even though I miss my love, I am getting better, the anger is gone for the most part. Now I am having trouble concentrating,and I don't have interest in much. I have a large perennial garden that I was in the process of changing, now I don't even want to go outside very much. He loved working in the yard and sitting on the patio carving while I putzed in my garden. Now I go out and am so lonely.

Somehow we do get better, the pain lessens, the heart begins to heal and the tears come less. We will never forget our loves,they will always be a part of us. I have found that journalling has helped me, many times I just write a letter to him about my day or some thing that the Grandbabies said..whatever, it makes me feel connected to him and not so sad. I also have his ashes in my bedroom and am able to say Good-night to him. Everyone finds ways to make the coping easier, I hope you find something to ease your pain a little.

This forum also is a wondrful thing...I don't post much but I do read other peoples posts. It makes me realize that most of what I am experiencing is normal.

Hugs, Lainey

[Korina]

It is only just recently that I have been waking up in the morning without that heaviness in my heart (it will be a year on the 19th). I still miss him very much (he was/is my best friend, the father of our child, and my soulmate), have moments when I lose it to sobs and tears, but at least for now, it does not pervade my every waking moment. I think that being at work and being busy with Kailyn when at home (the best part of my day is seeing her smile when I pick her up from daycare) helps to keep me from focusing too much on my sadness and loneliness.

I still have moments of anger - they sneak up on me, and I consequently feel like screaming or punching something (I am usually in public, so I don't as this likely wouldn't go over too well ). In the past, I have found it helpful to go to the bedroom, bury my face in pillows and scream away. And then give the bed a trouncing for good measure. It freaks out the cats, but it is good for venting.

Take care.

Korina

[Billw]

Hi Tina

It has been 2 months that I lost my husband, and we were also together 44 years, we had a good marriage, and he was a good man, kind, we have children and grandchildren, and we all miss him so much, it is sickening,I have a twisted stomach and chest since this happened, some days it is a drop better, and some days a lot worse, right now I am feeling very angry for the past few days, no reason just angry, and I hate it, don't like this feeling, I dont have any patience, and don't want to be bothered. I hope this passes. How can we ever feel better, I was with him since I was 16, I don't know any other way, so scary.

Take care

karen

Karen, I sure can relate to the twisted stomach and the feeling in the chest that you describe. I lost my wife at the end of April and I am completely lost. I also identify with the anger. I am in counseling and having some success with that but the periods without these feelings are very short and far between. I find myself very quick to the trigger with anger and very short of patience for some family members and friends. I too hope this will pass and I have hope that I will feel better, I can still feel her in spirit and I know she will be with me forever, but I am having a hard time with the reality that she is gone. This house and my life just seem so empty right now. I want to have hope, I am just having trouble finding it right now. Take care.

BW

[kayc]

Tina,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this loss too. You have found a good place to come to, please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings here, it's a safe place with a good heap of understanding.

[Chrissie]

Hi Tina,

I'm very sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. I lost my husband 4 months ago and I feel such an emptiness inside. He was my best friend and soulmate. I just try to take one day at a time, some days I have goals to meet and some days I just wing it. I find keeping a journal helps me through some of this. I tell him about my day and how very much I love him. I thought I was doing pretty good then the last few days hit me. I cried all weekend, I just missed everything about him, his smile, his touch, just seeing him sitting in his chair. I know we all have a long road ahead of us but coming to this site really helps. Everyone on this site understands what you are going though. So keep coming back, we are all here for you.

Chris