shadowbabies Posted April 13, 2005 Report Share Posted April 13, 2005 I lost my baby Shadow on Jan 28, 2005. He was 14. He was in so much pain that from arthritis that I had to take him to the vets and put to sleep. I'm afraid that he will never forgive me for ending his life. And then I think about him dying in my arms. A part of me also died. I just want to hold him and cuddle him. I miss him so much it kills me. I cry all day long and all night long. I loved him dearly. I saw a husky in someone's yard and I almost got out of my car just to hug him, but then I realized it wasn't my Shadow. I'm sorry to go on and on. I see so many other posts about loved ones that I feel quilty. Anyone who reads this my heart goes out to you on your loss. I can't even go out into my yard anymore. I remember that he would lay there in the hot summer and nap all day, and walk all through my flowers and squash them. but I would still go over and hug him even with flower petals in his mouth. When it was really hot I would get his little pool out and fill it with water. He loved to splash around. Winter was his favorite time though. In Seattle we don't get much snow but when we did he loved it. We would play for hours in it. I know someday I will see him again, but how do I get through the days until that time comes... It seems impossible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadowbabies Posted June 1, 2005 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2005 It's been 4 months and 3 days since I last held my Shadow in my arms. This is a hurt that I do not think will ever go away. I still cry everyday and cuddle with his favorite quilt he always laid on. I keep asking God to take me to him, but I guess I will have to wait until it's my time. I sleep all day and night just so I don't have to wake up with out him. He was my life now I have none.I miss you so much my love, I hope you will remember me and that you are free of the pain that you had when you were her with me. My only comfort is that you are not suffering anymore. But how do I go on without you. You were the best friend I had, you saw me through my illness and all my pain. I would have never made it with your beautiful face waking me up every day. I will always love you and hopefully mommy will be with you soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mollysmom Posted June 13, 2005 Report Share Posted June 13, 2005 So sorry for your loss of Shadow. I relate so much to your description of the grieving process. I lost my precious Molly Beagle October 18. 2004. She was 15 years old and my best friend. When she died the grief was so intense I didn't think I could survive it. The pain was physical as well as emotional and would wash over me in waves. I still don't think a day passes that I don't think of her and miss her. Sometimes I just burst out crying and the pain feels almost like it did when I first lost her. The pain is more subtle now but still there. I think it always will be on a certain level. I take comfort in keeping her things; her bowl, her bed even though I have put them away. I too look forward to the day when we are together again. If I had my way I would fastforward to that time now. but I believe that we each have a purpose to our lives (Molly had hers too) and it is my job to live out mine and fufill what ever I am meant to do. I pray that Molly will come and greet me when it is my time to go. Some people cannot understand how the loss of a pet can be such a devastating loss. But sometimes animals provide the greatest source of unconditional love in a person's life and the bond that develops between some people and pets is truly as strong as any loving bond between creatures. I like to think of her running free, her ears flying in the wind ( she was crippled form arthritis for the last year of her life and could hardly walk). I know she is no longer in pain and I am grateful for that. The Rainbow Bridge give me great comfort as does talking with other grieving pet owners. I don't even try to discuss this grief with other people. What is the point? It's so nice to find sites like this where we can come together and get support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SSStowe Posted June 16, 2005 Report Share Posted June 16, 2005 My heart goes out to you for the loss of your beloved Shadow. I have faced this countless times since I am involved in senior dog rescue. One of our latest family members is a 13 year old black lab mix with graying muzzle and paws. Arthritis has stiffened her gait, but she is still able to go for walks with the others and is one of the happiest dogs I've ever known.I urge you, dear one, to open your heart to another dog. Shadow would want this for you, I'm sure. Also, Shadow is probably thanking you from his dear soul for making his pain end. It is cruel to keep a creature alive when they are suffering so.My Mom died on June 3rd which is why I joined this list. Bouncing around, I discovered the pet bereavement list and since I have been in this position so often, decided to read some posts. Mom died a horrible death and I kept wishing the euthanazia was legal for humans as well. Know that Shadow loves you still and please open your heart to a new dog. There are so many who need someone like you.Susan in Phoenix Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted June 22, 2005 Report Share Posted June 22, 2005 I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Shadow. I too know of this pain, you are not alone. I lost my Street ( 5 year old Manx/Tabby cat) suddenly September 26, 2003, and then I had to euthanize my Sunshine(maine coon) February 9, 2004. I never thought I would ever make it through at the time. The pain was just so intense and all consuming, both in a physical sense and and emotional sense. I now smile when I think of my Steet and my Sunshine, I have days that I still need to cry, but the bond I shared with them is as strong as ever and the life I had with them I look back on and remember now with joy.My heart goes out to you.Carol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butch Posted June 30, 2005 Report Share Posted June 30, 2005 I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm a Licensed Veterinary Technician, and I can tell you that from my own personal experience, the decision to end a friend's suffering is not one you should beat yourself up over. I've been there for dozens (hundreds, probably) of these moments, and have had to perform more than my fair share myself. My honest belief is that animals don't fear death the same way we do. My understanding of what I get from animals is that they see death as just the natural part of life that it is. Whether it's "natural" or induced, I don't think matters all that much. If the decision to end suffering is one that is made in good faith, and as a way to do nothing more than end suffering, then I think that while it's very difficult for we humans, it's the most noble thing we can do. To see a beloved friend decline and suffer the indignity of not being able to control his or her body, or to be in constant pain (which they are *very* good at hiding until it gets really bad) is very difficut for us to bear, and is something we should not feel bad about helping our friend to overcome. When medicine can no longer provide relief or cure, then ending the suffering is the only humane thing we can do for our friends. I only wish we were as wise about the way we treat our fellow humans at the end of life.Please know that almost every other person I've ever met in this situation has felt the same way. Always wondering if it was the "right" time. I think when the time comes, it's the right time, no matter if it's today or a week from today. Letting go is the hard part, ending the suffering shouldn't be.Butch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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