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How Do I Accept The Death Of My Father?


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Hi there,

I' m trying to deal with accepting the death of my Father 6 months ago,I'm having panic attacks and are scared that they may start to develop into other fears.

I watched my Father take his last breath and was there everyday as he slowly got worse.I want to remember him not be afraid to think of him as it may provoke another attack.Can someone please help?

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I'm not sure I can help but I wanted you to know that I felt the same way for awhile after my Mom died......and still do occasionally. It will be one year in a few months and it never really gets better but it does get a little easier as some time passes. Some people truly benefit from talking to a professional counselor and I know they can help with the panic attacks. You'll also find a great deal of warmth and support from this group. Please know that you are not alone and please never be afraid to ask for help.....sometimes the grief is truly more than we can manage on our own.

Wishing you peace.

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My father passed away June 12. He was sick for a long time. We knew he was dying and he came home to do so. It was really a hard thing to watch. But he knew he was dying and he had made peace with it. He was not afraid and knew he was going to be with the Lord. He even let us know when it was happening, and we were all there for him. I too watched him take his last breath. I know what you are saying. For a long time afterward I was haunted by his death. I had nightmares, really weird dreams. Panick attacks too. But I had to try and remember my faith and that I knew he knew where he was going and he really is in a much better place. He was suffering so bad at the end. Unfortunately, I just lost my mom a month ago too. I'm afraid her death has not totally hit me yet. With her loss there has been a lot of things that I have had to take care of where she did it with the loss of my dad. So, I have been busy and have not had the down time to deal with it. I was closer with my mom. We were always together. She was living with me. I am kinda waiting for the "truck" to hit me. And I kow it is going to be hard. The problems I had after my dads death were interupted with the hurricane that hit us. Dealing with losing our town and houses kinda took place of the grieving. Then my mom got sick. So, I do know what you are saying, but I guess my circumstance is a little different. I had other issues that had to be dealt with and they kinda put the grieving process aside. Like I said, I am waiting for it all to catch up with me now. Can you tell us more about your story? About your dad? Did he know he was passing? Was he faithful? That really can help a lot. My dad was NOT a faithful man. He had blamed God for a long time about his health. He was mad. He had his stroke on his 57 birthday and was paralyzed ever since. Then he had MANY health problems after that. Heart attacks, cancer where he lost a kidney. He ultimately died of kidney failure, but we believe, as does his doctor, that he had colon cancer at the end which cause him much pain. He was too sick to truly diagnose it though. It didn't really matter. He lived to be 74. At the end, he became faithful again through the help of my mom and the church. I'm thankful for that because it helped us a lot. I am not and never have been a church going or religion pushing person, but at this time in my life, it is the only thing that has helped me through it. I have to believe there is a place I will see my parents again.

Please, tell us more about your story. It might help you to tell us and maybe someone will have something more to help you with.

take care, Tricia

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Thanks heaps for your reply,my story starts when my Father had his first stroke in 1996 just before he was going to retire,which left him with little use of the right side & affected his speech,he agreed to do the theropy and phiso,he actually did quite well,recovered enough for him to be able to manage alone but my Mother worried and decied to also retire 6 months early to help look after my Dad,I was married at the time and lived a 45 min drive away.Anyway 4 years later in 2000 in had his second stroke this time leaving him 90% disabled and without being able to talk,he refused theropy & phiso,became very stubbon and gave-up.He was very active and loved the outdoors.He was a gardener for a huge swimming pool and recoration centre,everyone loved him,they said that he was there back bone,also helped with the maintance and never complained.I think because he knew he could not even cut the grass in his own back yard he thought he had failed himself.He has always had diabetis which didn't help,but at one stage he devopled alsizmis(don't know how to spell it,but it is the diasese that make you forget things)I think that used to fustrate him alot,he became inpatient and very angry.I saw him on the Saturday and spend the day at there home with my children which he loved, then said goodbye to go home.Monday morning I got a phone call from my Mum to say they had to call a ambulance to take Dad to hospital wasn't sure what was wrong at that stage,but he just wasn't himself.I then thought that I would still take my daughter to kinder and see what happens.At kinder I received a phone call from the doctor at the hospital saying they think he may have had a heartattack,I grab my kids left then with my sister-in-law and drove 1 hour to the hospital,once I got there it was agreed he had a heartattack and was seriosly sick.I always had a thought that this day would came and imaged my brother calling me saying to come the hospital because I knew that after his second stroke anything could happen I thought I would be OK but I just broke down.A few hours later they hooked him up to all the machines to try and control the sugar and salts in his blood and we were able to see him.He knew he was very sick and slowly everything started to fail and cease.Doctors gave him no hope and removed the machines,he would in and out of conunis,when he was awake he would aware I my mother and my aunt were there.I think he like that.We talked to him and said for him to leave as it was his time,we all are faithful and beleive,a local priest came to pray upon him.Three days he lay there and so did we,every breathe I thought would be his last,it scared me to be there and experince but I had to.I would think that he was waiting for the right time,maybe he did not want to do it front of me so I would make a excuse to leave.We would stay there day and night,on the third day we stayed there to around 2am,we deceied to go home to take a shower eat something and rest then came back in the morning,when we returned a nurse was going to give him a wash down and I was going to take a sip of my juice when he took his last breathe,we all jump to be by his side hold his hand and told him to go be free.It was over it seemed to take a life time of suffering at that time but now it went by so quickly.

I guess doing this will help I hardly talk about it.I think I need to cry alot more,I have even start to write letters to him. Thank-you for replying I know my Dad would like me to be happy and I'm going to do every thing I can to help myself because I want to think of my Dad with happy memories not scared to get another attack I have to look after his grandchildren and do everything he done for me to them.He was a great Father,he gave me everything.He worked for me and my brother to provide us a good furture.Love you heaps Dad.Ang

Tricia my heart goes out to you,that "truck" you are waiting for,I will be here to help and I'm sure others also.

MissMyMom thankyou I will help others on this forum as you have me.

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  • 1 month later...

Hi I am new to this site and felt comfort in all of your emails. I just lost me dad 1 month ago, and am really having a hard time getting over it. He died young at 63 after just being diagnosed with small cell lung cancer for 1 month. We were so close, that it feels like I did not only lose my dad but my best friend. I am going to a therapist which has helped. I just have a hard time ever getting it off my mind. I am trying to get through life, but sometimes I think I am just acting all day at work to cover up how I feel. I know he would not want me to be sad, but I just cannot seem to help it. I have been writing in a journal and reading books about grief, but I just thought if I talked with other people who have been through it, it would help as well. Thanks for listening!

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