Eleven Weeks

[redwind30]

Eleven Weeks ago today I lost my husband. The pain seems to be getting worse. I am still trying to take care of paperwork issues that crop up. I have gotten some of this things cleared out and donated as he would have wanted and I am trying to take care of things around the house. I don't have any family here so I am completely on my own. Not where I dreamed I would be at age 50. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life; but then again I can't even think of being with anyone other than my precious husband, the joy of my life. Everything is so hard. I hate not having anyone to depend on. I think the worse thing is coming home to an empty house. He was not able to work and could not get out much. So, he was always here when I got home. This pain is unbearable. I know you all feel the same, I also know there is not really anyting anyone can do to make anything better. People keep saying it will take time...but,somehow I don't think "time" is going to change what I am feeling. I depended on him so much. No one, not even my wonderful parents have ever understood me the way he did. I just dont know how I am going to survive.

[Kat2005]

redwind30,

It was just a year in June for me that I lost my husband and best friend. I'm alittle older at 54 but I never thought I would be here either. My son is grown and this was going to be our time alone again. I try so hard to keep myself busy so that I am not alone all of the time but that empty house is still there waiting for me to come home to and that really sucks. He was always there waiting for me also. We did everything together. We met at work and worked together the whole time. I am told the samething about time. I don't think time will change our feelings, I think it helps us learn how to deal with them. I was just asked the other day would I start dating again. Like you I dont't want to be alone for the rest of my life but I don't see myself with anyone but Pat. Maybe that infamous word "time" will change things, who knows. Right now I am just taking a day at a time and trying to take of "me".

I also posted a beautiful poem back in October that you might like to read. It gives me much comfort. It is under my posts. It is dated October 26 and it is titled Needed To Share With Everyone (poem).

Take care,

Kat

Edited July 10, 2010 by MartyT
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[Billw]

I can relate, I hate this whole thing. I'm nowhere close to even imagining myself with or without anyone in my life. I feel like I'm just here waiting for a bus or something. I have loved as hard as I could for the last 16 years and I don't have any idea what the hell I'm supposed to do now. Like was said, all I can do is take one day at a time right now, that's all any of us have reality. This is without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. One thing I have found lately is that I can feel her with me when I am practicing gratitude for the time we spent together. That might sound odd but when I am in the middle of overwhelming grief and upset, crying, cussing and so on she couldn't be farther away. When I can stop and calm myself and be grateful for even a minute of the time we had together I can feel her smiling at me.

BW

[Cheryl]

I am at eleven months. At eleven weeks I could barely function. I look back and it is a foggy blur. I really can't remember anything, yet I can also remember everything. An overwhelming feeling that I wanted to die. That I wanted to be with Mark. That there was no way I could ever survive this pain. That my kids would be better off with someone who wasn't so sad. It got harder before it got better. I can tell you that IT IS BETTER now. The pain is still deep. I still don't know how to live without him. But I am living without him. I am using every resource available to me. Support groups, family, friends, work, this site, volunteer work, books, endless hours of crying. My next step will be to go to church. I'm going to find a new church. I tried our old church and I was miserable. I need a new place to worship, a new start with god. I wish this was an easier road. I am so tired. So sad and so so worn out. You are all doing so well. Be patient with yourselves. There is a future, it doesn't have to be horrible. I know there is a way for me to be happy again. I am determined to find a way. - Cheryl

[closs86]

Hi

It is 3 months for me also, and I find that it got a little harder, I think the fog wore off and reality has set in, I don't know what will happen for the rest of our lives, I can't even imagine being with anyone else, he was my one and only. It stinks being alone, I also depended on him for everything, he was a good man, and did a lot of things for me. we were together 44 yrs, we were one. sometimes now I feel like my insides are dead, like they died when he died, I almost feel emotionless sometimes, very strange. all i know is i miss him so much, and I am trying to live every day, one at a time, so many things i have to learn to do, that he used to do, I know that he is with me to guide me, but so hard.

God bless us all

Karen

[Korina]

At just over a year, my heart still aches and boy oh boy, I miss being his wife (being a widow sucks!). But my grief no longer pervades every waking moment, as it did at the beginning. It is still there, but it is different. You will find the strength to survive and find a purpose to your different life.

Hang in there.

Korina

[Daughter2010]

Grieving a husband I suppose is different than grieving a parent. My dad passed away 8 months ago and today, is mom's bday..the first one without dad. For her I am sure today is hard, since he always did something special for her bday. dad had the nicest gestures with mom, to remind her how much he loved her.

I talked to her on the phone this morning, and sure enough she was talking how special dad was with her. It is reality settling in and life reminding her that she is now a widow. I can understand your pain, I have seen it in mom through out this time. She has been very strong, but also she feels the loss differently than I do because she was married to Dad for 33 years. I reminded her Dad didn't leave her alone, she has us, the three children. We all have a little bit of Dad in our own unique way.

What I am trying to say with this is that yes, at 11 weeks the pain is raw, and still might be for a while, but take it one day at a time, and it becomes more bearable that way. You will have those firsts...first christmas, mother's day, father's day, bdays, anniversary, etc...it is part of that new reality. I wished i could provide more words of comfort...just know that you are not alone and we just need to keep on going and make the best out of the life we have, even in the middle of our grief.

Big hug,

-L