So Lost Without My Mom

[angel1204]

My Mom passed away December 4,2009. She had a heart attack and we honestly thought she would be able to pull through it but I guess it wasn't meant to be. She was fairly young when she passed and I feel like all of those years that I was supposed to spend with her were taken away from me. I am still having an extremely tough time dealing with her death and every time I look around I see things that remind me of my mom. It hurts and it seems like the tears will never stop. I just don't understand why she was called home while she is still needed here.It is like the pain of missing her wont ever go away or ever dull any. It is like I am stuck and nothing can get me unstuck. I miss my mom more than anything in this world and it still does not feel right that she is truly isn't here with me anymore

[Aquarius7]

Hi,

I am very sorry about your loss of your Mom. Hugs! ((((((( ))))))).

You are in the right place though. All of us here have lost someone(or more than one someone) who we miss and love very much. My Mom passed away on June 3, 2010. My life has not been the same since. A extremely large part of my life is now gone. You can read my other posts to know my story. Losing one's parent or parents is the worst thing in life as far as I am concerned. Losing a child must be just as horrible, but in a different way.I constantly think about my Mom and simply cannot believe, nor accept this. It was all so sudden and unexpected. All I do now is think about how many great times we had together. It makes me happy yet at the same time makes me miss her even more. This is also making me miss my Dad all over again. He has been gone for 15 years and now I am grieving not just about my Mom, but also about my Mom and Dad as parents and not just individually. I miss them both so much. I look back on all the years and times I had with them. Not all good, but mostly they were. I truly miss the great times and never could have dreamt of the day that they would not be here. Oh, how much I would love to just go to dinner with them once more. Or take a ride with them. Or go ride bicycles with them. Or go to a movie with them. Or just sit at home and watch TV with them. My heart literally aches as I write this and I am crying my eyes out and sobbing. I can clearly remember back in 1981-82 watching Magnum P.I., Simon & Simon and Hill Street Blues (in that order) with them on Thursday nights. Life was so great back then. Please post here as much as you need to. I, for one am on your wing.

[niamh]

hi angel1204,

I am so sorry about your sweet Mom, ((((((BIG HUGS))))) to you and welcome to this site.

I lost my Dad suddenly on 17th Dec, like you I am not only grieving for my Dad and all the parts of me I lost with him but as you say for all the times that were ahead, all snatched away in split seconds. Of course you are having such a rough time, 7 months is no time at all in grief although it's also an eternity without your Mom.

I too wonder so much why my Dad was taken from me, nobody needs him more than my Mom and me and I feel so cheated that he was taken so so early in my life. I'm jealous of those so much older who still have their parents and wonder why couldn't my Dad have been left here with me, I feel like he was stolen away from me.

I too feel this pain will never dull, nothing is right anymore, my whole life feels so wrong now. Just know that we are all here to listen and share with you so you are not as alone as you think with how you feel.

Oh Aquarius, I too used to watch Magnum PI and Simon & Simon as a kid with my Dad (Hart to Hart aswell). I think they aired here on friday or saturday nights, my Dad would always take me to the shop first for what we called "yummies", he would give me money to get some sweets etc. How I wish I could go back to that time

hugs and love to you both

Niamh

[Slavica]

I understand how you feel. Only time can help ease the pain, but I don't think we will every stop missing our parents. My Father passed on 04/14/1997 and I still miss him. 14 years after his passing, Mama passed on on 02/14 of this year. She was 80 years old, still, no matter the age, and knowing she was activily dieing the 1st three months were hard. I cryed all the time, these days I cry a bit less, but if something remainds me of Mama, I start crying.

I think the 1st year is the hardest, specially if the passing is sudden. I am from Eastern Europe. In our cultur its comment to "wail" or cry with feeling and verbale expression. My daughter felt uncomfortable with my expressions of grief, so I "wailed" when I was alone.

It has been five months of Mama's passing, but I shall miss her as long as I live. My world is not the same anymore. There is something so final loosing a mother. May the memories you have give you the comfort you need to face each day.

Accept my deepest sympathy and just take it one day at a time. I think crying is good and healing, just make sure you drink plenty of fluids if you cry alot.

I wish you peace.

PS. My Aviator pisture is of my Mama

[Daughter2010]

Angel,

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father 8 months ago or so. He was 58. I think no matter how old they are, we will always miss them. They are our parents, they always provided that sense of security to us, even as grown ups.

I miss my father everyday and think of him every morning. The bond parents-children is so strong, even death cannot break it. It is true a part of us left with them, but I guess we have no choice but to go on without them.

Last night in prayer, I simply broke down in tears because I miss my father so very much. Life has completely changed for me. I look back at who I was before his passing and I am not the same anymore. Every moment, every hug, every kiss, every smile, every treat from dad is on my mind. I cannot understand why he was called home so young.

I understand what you say about being stuck. It is a familiar feeling for me. The first 6 months I couldn't help it but being stuck , not being able to completely process the dimension of what happened last October. Sure I did go to work, but still, I felt so unable to do much for myself in terms of moving forward with dreams, goals I had set for myself. I even gained weight probably because of anxiety.

The pain may ease a bit, but I will miss my father all my life. I know he is ok wherever he is, but I still miss him. Sometimes I wished I could hear his voice telling me everything is going to be ok, like he did when I was a child. I have become a little more of a child in some ways, but also have emerged from this realizing that the only way to keep going is to put one foot after the other and keep on walking.

Just know that you are not alone in this, please feel free to vent your emotions here, we all can relate in one way or another. I don't know how I would have handled my grief had I not found this site. It has helped me tremendously.

Big hug for you,

- L

[angel1204]

I just want to thank all of you for posting about your loss of your parents. It helps me understand that I am not alone in this process and that even though my godparents may look at me odd I am in good company here.

I broke down today and just cried till it hurt. I miss my mom so badly that some days I just don't know if I can go on. Thankfully I have my pets who are my babies who help me push on and are the reason why I get up every morning to take care of them. I am also thankful that I have my animal rescue buddies who have done so much to make this a little easier.

[siamesecat09]

I lost my mom too at a fairly young age in March 2010. It really isn't fair but I wanted you to know you're not alone..it's helped me too to realize there are other people like me going through this out there it's just so hard to see when they're not physically near you. Sometimes I think it'd be a whole lot easier if everyone from the lost a parent forum lived in my neighborhood!

Anyway, I too feel like we had so many memories and fun times to be had that we won't get to have anymore. It really sucks. Sometimes something great will happen to me and I'll think for a split second " I can't wait to tell mom " and then come back to reality and realize I can't.

I cry a lot too and sometimes so hard that it feels good. Sometimes I think a good cry is all I need to feel better at least for a little while.

I hope you find peace along your journey. Anyway, just wanted to let you know I could relate.

-siamesecat

[emptyinside]

The people here are great. *hugs* I understand your feelings of being stuck. I'm stuck, too. I think it's normal if you were so close to a loved one. Though your godparents might look at you odd, we won't.

[Momof4]

My Mom passed away December 4,2009. She had a heart attack and we honestly thought she would be able to pull through it but I guess it wasn't meant to be. She was fairly young when she passed and I feel like all of those years that I was supposed to spend with her were taken away from me. I am still having an extremely tough time dealing with her death and every time I look around I see things that remind me of my mom. It hurts and it seems like the tears will never stop. I just don't understand why she was called home while she is still needed here.It is like the pain of missing her wont ever go away or ever dull any. It is like I am stuck and nothing can get me unstuck. I miss my mom more than anything in this world and it still does not feel right that she is truly isn't here with me anymore

I'm sorry about your loss!

I loss my Mom December 26, 2009!!! Worst Christmas of my life! I'm sure you felt the same way with losing your Mom shortly before Christmas! Today is my Moms 7months. I can't believe its been that long already! I feel we both must have had great relationships with our Moms. My mom was my best friend. I feel so lost without her. Every time something comes up I want to call her and ask her questions. I'm 33 but still feel as if I'm to young and I still need her! My little brother who is 26 just found out they were having a baby. It was so hard to hold him as he cried with the sonogram pictures saying he wished he had his mom to run to and show her his first baby! There are so many things where we feel like we need her!! I still do cry alot. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me. I always wonder if other people loved their mothers like I did mine. Somedays are easier than others and in time somethings you can make it through without crying. It took up until the last month to hear Temporary Home by Carrie Underwood without crying. Also, the song This Ain't Nothing, when he says as i held the hand of my loving wife of 50 years fighting for her life as her heart of gold stopped pumping.....reminded me so much of my dad and the 43 years they were married. I can hear that song without crying exception to July 8th their wedding anniversary day I cried my eyes out! Days come and go, some days are worse than others. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Before I came to this sight for the first time i thougt I was sooooo alone. That there wasn't anyone out there like me. But, I'm just like everyone else! I hurt, I don't understand, and I pray God helps take the pain away!!!

[Curtis1952]

My Mom passed away December 4,2009. She had a heart attack and we honestly thought she would be able to pull through it but I guess it wasn't meant to be. She was fairly young when she passed and I feel like all of those years that I was supposed to spend with her were taken away from me. I am still having an extremely tough time dealing with her death and every time I look around I see things that remind me of my mom. It hurts and it seems like the tears will never stop. I just don't understand why she was called home while she is still needed here.It is like the pain of missing her wont ever go away or ever dull any. It is like I am stuck and nothing can get me unstuck. I miss my mom more than anything in this world and it still does not feel right that she is truly isn't here with me anymore

I empathize with your pain. For me it is all the "bad" things I never got to earn forgiveness for, even though my Mother always forgave unconditionally, I still feel that I haven't paid Her, Dad (deceased 1966, and Both brothers a year after Dad. Now that Mom is gone, I feel completely lost and without direction. I don't trust my judgement, for I know I will not see the real consequences of my action, so I am withdrawn away from people and even friends. I wish I had your strength, though.