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First Vacation Without Him


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This will be our fisrt vacation without Mark. It was a big step to plan it alone and an even bigger step to do something crazy. We leave thursday for Honduras. Two kids and me. What was I thinking? Third world country, central america. I can't even speak spanish! Now I'm scared out of my mind and sad that he is missing this big adventure. My 12 year old son and I just packed rods and reels for fishing on the beach. I googled the tackle pictures and learned how to tie a lure. Mark loved to fish and I know he would be sad if we didn't give it a shot. My daughter is bent on doing the white water rafting on a class 5 river and a zipline canopy tour! Her dad was the crazy, fun one. Not me. I just want to snorkel on the reef. Somehow we will have to do it as if dad were there. I know he would be proud that we are trying to heal and be together, creating new memories. But I miss him and I don't know how I will get through the week without crying the whole time. I am so sad and I miss him so much, I feel my heart is breaking for the millionth time. When will the pain just go away! I just had to vent, I can't share my fears with family. They already are pretty freaked out that i'm doing this.

Cheryl

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Cheryl,

I also took my first vacation this year without my husband. I went to visit my sister in California. I really had a nice time. Just getting away from everything helped. There were tears, especially the night we went down to the beach to watch the sunset. I wanted Pat with me so much. I was out there the month before his angelversary so it was a very emotional time. My sister was great. She would just sit there and listen to me ramble on about everything. The hardest thing was knowing that he wasn't going to be there when I got home. I still have trouble with coming home to empty house.

You sound like you have taken care of everything. I hope you have a wonderful time. Enjoy your time with your kids and make some new memories with them.

Have fun and take care, Kat

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This winter I am going to Mazatlan with my brother and sister-in-law. Have been there several times together and my brother insiste they were taking me this year. I kept saying no but then was thinking and realized Ray would want me to go. Every year he'd say "Never know when it will the last trip with the 4 of us cause we are all getting older." Really think he would want me to go with them like we always have each year. Not expecting it to be easy, but there are lots of memories there. First time we went just the two of us. Then always the 4, or 6 of us. So am going away this winter. Do know he would want me to go not just sit home and be lonely all the time.. Hope you have a great trip and enjoy the time you and the kids...

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What a brave woman you are! Of course there will be tears - how could there not be. But it sounds like a very exciting vacation that your kids will love. The way I look at it, your family - your kids - are the most important thing, and I am sure your husband would be proud of how you will be making special memories for them and yourself.

Korina

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I lost my husband suddenly while we were on vacation so it is such a trigger to me. We loved going to Mexico and I don't know if I will ever be able to go back again. I just got back from a road trip with a girlfriend and while i can find some happiness in new places, it will never replace the joy I took for granted on all the vacations we took. Never would I have imagined that he would die suddenly while on vacation. But I feel the need to keep searching for my new life without him by my side, just in my mind and my heart....so we must keep pushing ourselves to these new experiences without them and hopefully one day we will be okay.

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Cheryl,

How brave indeed! I think it'll give you a great feeling of accomplishment, having done this. Please let us know how it goes! When are you scheduled to leave?

Kay

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