My Husband's Ashes

[melina]

Today I have to pick up the urn with my husband's ashes, and I'm dreading it. We're going out in a sailboat to spread them on the ocean. He loved to sail and loved the ocean. It seemed fitting. He also loved the mountains, so we plan to save some of the ashes to spread there as well.

I feel it's necessary to get this done, but I hate the thought of going through this. The funeral was one thing, now we're sort of having another funeral. Only this time with just my children and me. My two oldest children are leaving for the states to continue their studies, so it will have to be this weekend. It's going to be so painful.

Melina

[nats]

Melina,

My thoghts and prayers are with you, Ruth wanted her ashes scattered as well but after talking about it before her leaving she left it up to me, and ask what I would do with them I told her keep them at home in a special area prepared just for her, after all that's where she belongs until I also join God, I have gotten great comfort in knowing she is still with me, I touch her Urn and talk to her daily wishing her good morning and goodnight, we all have our own decsions and plans but I did want to share this with you....she also used to joke with me about bringing someone home someday and ask me if I was going to ask the other woman to wait in the car while I put her Urn away, I told her No, when that happens the other woman will have to accept Ruth's place in the home or it wouldn't work...well that has happened and Ruth is right where she's been since I brought her home....being with someone who has also lost her husband also plays a big part in the acceptance....as she has her husband at her home as well and I fully accept that...I pray for your comfort.....

NATS

[loulou]

I'm having trouble with my dad's ashes.From day 2 at the funeral home it was made clear that I was to have his ashes.His long time girlfriend said she didnt want them,my brother didnt either.I said I did.His girlfriend ended up taking them from the funeral,but told me when I was ready they were there for me.She even had her roomate put them away cause "she couldn't stand the sight of them."Now I have gotten the courage to ask for them she wont give them to me.She said she wants to split them cause my little brother and sister want half.My little brother is 1 years old,and my sister is 8!I know it sounds selfish,but I dont want to share them.I want them,and I shouldnt have to share them with little children.I would be willing to split them when the kids are older but I want what was mine from the beginning.I'm hurt and frusterated because she simply wont hand them over.Sorry,I needed to vent that as its strong in my mind.I think its good to spread them where he loved.My dad wanted me to smuggle his ashes onto his favorite football teams field,so I will try,and I will spread the rest at his favorite fishing spot.Its hard to think of those ashes.Goodluck to you.

[Billw]

I picked my wife's ashes up and was planning on scattering them right away. We both want to have our ashes in the Sierra mountain range in Northern Cal. I was not ready to do it as I thought I would be and I'm quite sure she is o.k. with that. I have a special place in the house much like NATS spoke about where I keep them with a lot of her other personal things that were in her office and around the house. I also carry a small pocket urn that I made when I go places and want to feel like she is there not just in spirit but also a little bit of her physical being is there also. This process is a very one day, one minute, one second at a time deal and I am just not ready yet. If I have learned anything in the last few months it is to easy on myself and take my time. Thanks everyone for being here for me.....BW

[Cheryl]

Melina,

Remember that your children will be back again for visits. There will be many opportunities to face this task. Please don't feel like you have to do something you're not emotionaly ready to do. I have always been a planner and a fixer. When tasks are supposed to be done I make sure they happen. I have had to learn my limitations where before I had none.

It might also be a great time for you and your kids to grieve together without a crowd. I have often heard that spreading ashes brings peace and closure. I think you should do what's best for you. Big Hugs Melina!

[Ron B.]

Melina,

The scattering of ashes can be accompanied with flowers. When my Mom passed, we chartered a boat and scattered not only her ashes, but flowers too. While the ashes grey the water, the flowers float and mark the place. Even from a distance the flowers are quite beautiful and help make the occasion memorable.

Ron B.

[Queeniemary]

Melina, please don't do anything that you don't feel ready to do. My husbands ashes are in a red rock urn from Arizona. (he loved Arizona), but I left them in the container from the funeral home for several months until I could find just the right thing. The portrait that an artist friend painted of him hangs above the rock, and on the corner of the painting, hangs his favorite cap. He loved the swampy blues music of Tony Joe White, and it is a cap he bought at a concert of his. I have some ashes saved that I am going to scatter at a lookout on a mountain near here (it was the first place we kissed). The point I am trying to make, and not doing very well, is there is no rush. I understand that you may want to do this while all your children are there, but as someone said, they will be back. Whatever you decide to do, and it is just your decision, know that I am praying for you, I pray for peace for you and for strength to do whatever you feel you must do. My heart goes out to you. The sailboat sounds a lovely way to scatter his ashes, my husband loved to sail also.

Mary in Arkansas (Queeniemary)

[melina]

The ashes will be spread across the ocean this afternoon from his friend's sailboat. I've been crying on and off for two days straight, feeling too sick to eat. I'm going to save some of them for spreading on the mountains or just for keeping. All I could find to keep them in was our ceramic coffee container. He would have laughed at that - he was such a coffee connoisseur.

Melina

[Queeniemary]

Melina, had to laugh at the ashes in the ceramic coffee container. My husband Mike always joked that he just wanted his ashes in a big mayonnaise jar (Kraft of course). So, I did save a small amount, and have them in a little Kraft Mayonnaise jar. He would have laughed so much. He loved "real" mayonnaise, wouldn't touch that miracle whip stuff! Thanks for sharing that, made me laugh.