Missing My Little Sister

[emcee]

It's been almost two months since my sister had passed. My family is a big family of seven. Im the oldest of five kids and my little sister was the second from the youngest and the baby girl. Em was only 19 when she suffered a cardiac arrest at my apartment on Easter sunday of this year. My twin sister and I found her in the bathroom floor. She was still concious but lost it within minutes. I can still remember how cold she felt in my arms and how I couldnt hear her heart. The paramadics got to my apartment in time to revive her. We really thought that she was gonna be okay but soon later at the Emergency dept., she began having seizures. The doctors then told us that they found a congenital syndrome in her heart. All those times that they were administering oxygen to her, her heart wasnt circulating it well enough into her brain, thus her brain started diminishing. Em stayed with us for four more days until she was declared brain dead. Within that four days, we had so much hope and belief in miracles that she would wake up. Instead, our hopes were crushed. From all of this, I am grateful that we had those four days to reminise memories with her, even though she couldn't hear us. We also had our chances to say good bye. One thing about my little sister was that she was a strong advocate of life even at a young age. She had signed up as an organ donor as soon as she got her driving license and talked about it constantly with everybody. She would also take time to donate blood at drives for she knew there were people out there that needed it, and best of all, she had an ambition to become a great nurse....A week ago, we received a letter from an organ donation organization saying that my sister saved the lives of a 38 & 45 years old men, and as well as a 50 years old woman. .....

Since the death of my little sister, everything in life changed and I know it will never be the same. Even though my family is big and we're pretty close, its still hard to grief together since each one of us doesnt want to make it any worse for the other. I actually live away from the family. I wish to go back to my parents' but its hard with work and everything. I do go back home on the weekends and that's when I feel the most comfort. However, during the week, the pain is just too unbearable sometimes that I dont know what to do. I hate to talk to my friends because I feel like everybody is a fake, my boyfriend of five years, who became a great part of my family, lives in Michigan and I only get to see him on the weekends. I just want to be alone but at the same time I dont. My chest hurts all the time and I get headaches often. I cant sleep without my boyfriend staying on the phone with me all night and all the lights and tv on. Sometimes I drink so that I can fall asleep easily...I just dont know what to do. I know that she's gone but I dont know if I can accept it. I cant accept the fact that I will never see her, laugh with her, cry with her again. I just cant. I cant imagine how life will be without her and I know that I will never be truly happy again. She wasnt just my little sister, she was my best friend along with my twin sister. Its always suppose to be the three girls together, the three "charmed" ones, but now there's only two.

Im going to a councelor in a week but Im not really sure I wanna go.

[MartyT]

My dear emcee,

My own heart aches for you as I read your tragic story, and I am so very sorry about your beloved little sister.

I understand your uncertainty about seeing a counselor, but if I may, I want to gently encourage you to go ahead and do just that. You are so right that your life is forever changed by this death, and to think that you should be able to handle such a life-changing event all by yourself is unrealistic. If you were lying on the ground with a broken leg and a friend offered to take you to the hospital, would you refuse the offer and tell your friend that you should be able to handle this all by yourself? Yet here you are with a broken heart and a wounded soul, struggling with insomnia, chest pain, frequent headaches and all the rest of it, wanting to be alone but desperately needing to talk to someone, anyone who will listen.

Some folks are reluctant to seek the help of a professional counselor because they see the need for counseling as a sign of weakness – but it takes strength and courage to let yourself be cared for, and you need not bear your sorrow all alone. Even if you’re grieving in a normal, healthy way, it is wise to use all the resources available to help you recover your balance and put your life back together again. Sometimes friends and family may worry too much about you, get too involved in your personal affairs, or not be available to you at all. When it seems that support from family and friends is either too much or not enough, a few sessions with a bereavement counselor may give you the very understanding and comfort you need.

Unlike friendship, a professional counseling relationship offers you the opportunity to relate to a caring, supportive individual who understands the grief process, doesn’t need you to depend upon, and will allow you to grieve without interference. Within the safety and confidentiality of a therapeutic relationship, you can share your intimate thoughts, make sense of what you are feeling and clarify your reactions. An effective bereavement counselor is knowledgeable about the grieving process, helps you feel understood, offers a witness to your experience, encourages you to move forward, fosters faith that you will survive, and offers hope that you will get through this seemingly impossible journey.

I hope you will follow through with your plan to see a counselor, my friend, and that you will think of it as a gift you can give yourself. You are worth it, and you deserve it.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

[emcee]

Thank you MartyT...Yesterday was my sister's two months death anniversary and it was such a coincidence that I the hospital to where she stayed called me to pick up her medical records. When I got to the hospital, I felt like I couldnt walk in but then the doctors and nurses remembered me right away cos they remembered my sister. It was just a reminder of how many people she affected. I know that the hospital staff felt the pain that we are going through because each one walked along with us when we walked by my sister's side when she was being transferred to the Operating room for organ donation....Each day hurts as time passes. I dont know how I can get use to this. Im going to see an individual councelor next tuesday, he wants me to talk about that moment when I found my sister in the bathroom... I just dont know if I can.......

Thank you though for your thoughts and advice,

emcee