emcee Posted May 27, 2005 Report Share Posted May 27, 2005 It's been almost two months since my sister had passed. My family is a big family of seven. Im the oldest of five kids and my little sister was the second from the youngest and the baby girl. Em was only 19 when she suffered a cardiac arrest at my apartment on Easter sunday of this year. My twin sister and I found her in the bathroom floor. She was still concious but lost it within minutes. I can still remember how cold she felt in my arms and how I couldnt hear her heart. The paramadics got to my apartment in time to revive her. We really thought that she was gonna be okay but soon later at the Emergency dept., she began having seizures. The doctors then told us that they found a congenital syndrome in her heart. All those times that they were administering oxygen to her, her heart wasnt circulating it well enough into her brain, thus her brain started diminishing. Em stayed with us for four more days until she was declared brain dead. Within that four days, we had so much hope and belief in miracles that she would wake up. Instead, our hopes were crushed. From all of this, I am grateful that we had those four days to reminise memories with her, even though she couldn't hear us. We also had our chances to say good bye. One thing about my little sister was that she was a strong advocate of life even at a young age. She had signed up as an organ donor as soon as she got her driving license and talked about it constantly with everybody. She would also take time to donate blood at drives for she knew there were people out there that needed it, and best of all, she had an ambition to become a great nurse....A week ago, we received a letter from an organ donation organization saying that my sister saved the lives of a 38 & 45 years old men, and as well as a 50 years old woman. .....Since the death of my little sister, everything in life changed and I know it will never be the same. Even though my family is big and we're pretty close, its still hard to grief together since each one of us doesnt want to make it any worse for the other. I actually live away from the family. I wish to go back to my parents' but its hard with work and everything. I do go back home on the weekends and that's when I feel the most comfort. However, during the week, the pain is just too unbearable sometimes that I dont know what to do. I hate to talk to my friends because I feel like everybody is a fake, my boyfriend of five years, who became a great part of my family, lives in Michigan and I only get to see him on the weekends. I just want to be alone but at the same time I dont. My chest hurts all the time and I get headaches often. I cant sleep without my boyfriend staying on the phone with me all night and all the lights and tv on. Sometimes I drink so that I can fall asleep easily...I just dont know what to do. I know that she's gone but I dont know if I can accept it. I cant accept the fact that I will never see her, laugh with her, cry with her again. I just cant. I cant imagine how life will be without her and I know that I will never be truly happy again. She wasnt just my little sister, she was my best friend along with my twin sister. Its always suppose to be the three girls together, the three "charmed" ones, but now there's only two.Im going to a councelor in a week but Im not really sure I wanna go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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