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Perhaps Some Helpful Advice?

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Dear friends-

I am somewhat new to this forum. I have made very few posts, but have read many others on this website. I am working up the courage to share my story with all of you...it has taken me several weeks to do this.

My beloved and I were married in August of '04. I always knew he was wonderful, but it wasn't until we were married how close to perfect he is. (I use the present-tense because of personal religious belief) My sweetheart was what you might call a "Renaissance Man". He had many talents and hobbies while here on Earth. While in college, he was a physics major, his skills are far reaching and impressive. As a student, he lectured to professionals, who later tried to recruit him. He is truly a genius...no exaggeration. One minute he was laying the tile in our apartment, the next he was making a gourmet dinner. He let everyone around him know that he loved them and that he truly respected them. He was the recipient of many awards, yet he did not seek the honors of men, only the approval of God. His whole life was dedicated to service. Anyone who knew him for more than a minute reconized that. He was a cadet in the ROTC and grew to love and respect this great nation...so much so that he was willing to die for it, if given the opportunity. His fellow comrades are among his best friends. NEVER a day went by when he failed to express his love for me. He often brought me flowers and sent me emails daily while I was at work...2 or 3 maybe even 4, 5, or 6 times a day. I consider myself blessed to have had him as a part of my life.

Then it happened. He and his friend died while in the great outdoors (yet another hobby and love). Unexpectedly. I was shocked, devistated and now feel less without him. Without both of them. I miss my beloved excruciatingly. I miss our friend, excruciatingly. I have to go through this grieving process twice.

My companion had his whole life ahead of him. His intellience, skill, compassion, humor, and love go unmatched. Very few on this Earth could compete with his love and flavor for life. He had a promising career in the USAF. There are literally THOUSANDS who grieve because of this loss. However, even with all of them combined, the pain is not half so great as my own.

It is hard to live without him, but it is easy to understand why our loving God above wanted him. Now, I am without him, for a time. Tomorrow is Memorial Day. Everyday is memorial day in my heart, many of you out there know what I mean. He is on my mind, every minute, every second. I wonder what he is doing now.

I know that we will be together forever, this is the one thing that gets me through day to day, and hour to hour. Some might say that I am taking my own misfortune very well. They do not see me behind closed doors. However, there are a few things I have learned that may help some of you. My plan for now is to create a memory album of my beloved. I had people write favorite memories of my husband while they were at the viewing and funeral. It was fun to read them. Everybody had a different memory. Since we were married for only 8 months before this happened, I did not get to hear the many stories of my beloved. They are now the most cherished thing I have...(Who knew a bunch of 4x6 cards could come to mean so much?) If anyone out there is anticipating a funeral, those memory cards are a great way to help you laugh and cry for your loved one. Many of the memories that were shared had me laughing as hard as I was crying! He really did have a sense of humor! (I find it just as theraputic to laugh about all the funny things he did, as it is to cry for the loss of him) I just had some friends pass out pens and cards at the viewing and funeral. People were more than happy to share thier love for the one who has passed away.

Also, I find it helpful to talk of my husband. For some, this may seem difficult. For others, you might agree. I find that when I do talk about him. All the good memories are brought forward, all the bad ones seem to melt away.

Third, I have found that my faith is what gets me through. My religion teaches us that life is truly eternal. For any of you who are seeking a faith. Please PM me. I'd love to share, but do not want to be pushy.

Fourth, I celebrate his life. I do this any which way I can think of....look at his old photo albums, read his journal, occasionally visit his grave, and visit his friends.

Finally, I think of him often. I have a good cry. I cry some more. I cry some more, even still. And as hard as it is to do sometimes, I surround myself with good people who do not expect me to "get over it". (I avoid all the rest) Believe it or not, I make it a point and a goal to get out and do something fun every day. Why? because that is what my beloved would have me do.

It is hard, but after having read so many posts, I can see that ALL of us are hurting. I have cried for many of you. Our reality is, we are without our loved one. Some days it's all we can do to even remember to breathe! Perhaps many of us are lucky if we can get our shoes on the correct feet...I've been there. I don't want to sound too optimistic, BUT...have hope that "this too shall pass." It may not be for months or even years. But have hope...try, even when you don't feel like it. (I've had many days like that.) And take the time you need to greive for you loved one. I sure do. For me, some days are easier than others. Some days seem impossible. But, the above advice is what gets me through. I hope it can help someone else out there who is experiencing the pain that I feel.

Best wishes...all of you are in my daily prayers.

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Thanks for sharing. I appreciate your insights and suggestions. My wife went home to be with the Lord Jesus just 16 weeks and four days ago. She suferred from ovarian cancer for seven years. I am thankful that I do not have to greive without hope. I grieve hard, to be sure, but it is not without hope. It sound as though you have the same hope. God Bless You, my prayers are with you.

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  • 1 month later...

Sweetgirl, thank you for sharing, it is sound advice. I don't know how I could handle it "without that hope of seeing my beloved again"...it is hard enough WITH it! It is very helpful for us to share our grief with each other, it gets it out instead of bottling it up.

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