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Going Through His Stuff.

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I've made it a goal for the next two weeks to start going through his things. My mother and mother-in-law are going to help me. It is hard to even think about it. I cried for an hour last night just thinking about having to do just that. I am moving out of our old apartment. I can't even go there anymore. (I'm staying with my sister for now) The memories are too painful (isn't that strange how happy memories can actually hurt?) Everytime I go there to check the mail I have to remind myself that my sweetheart will not be there. I am looking for some helpful advice on how to start. If there is ANYONE out there who can help me out, it's you folks. Where do you begin? What do you keep? What do you get rid of (if anything)? What do you put in a box to store for a few months until you know what to do with it?

Thanks for your help and understanding.

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Hi sweetgirl,

I don't know if you will have room in your new place to do what I did....I kept our big house and it has been a comfort to me this year instead of hurting me. I am just now, after nine months, beginning to think that I might move to a smaller place one day. I like keeping this one because my children can come to visit me here, and are used to it....since one of them spent her teen age years here and the others have visited many times. We love it. Anyway, I decided to bite the bullet and go through his two closets of clothes a month ago. I went through them one by one....and the way I decided I just had to keep something was when I just held it to my chest as the memories flooded through me. When I did that I put it back in the closet. I managed to give away three fourths of them, and the half closet full that I have left comforts me, and makes me feel that I didn't just get rid of everything....my favorites and my favorite memories are still there. Maybe one day I will put them in an box and save them on the closet shelf, but I'm not ready for that yet. I like them hanging in his closet where I can still hold them when I feel like it. I believe in going at these things gently and when you feel like it. You DO get where it doesn't hurt quite as much and you feel more like doing things....little by little. It surprises you, but one morning you get up and know you feel like doing something you just couldn't have done a month ago. I believe that if you don't encourage yourself to suffer more than normally and try to feel stronger, and treasure the good things you had...then you will grow stronger and happier. Jeanne.

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if you have enough room, you can keep everything, until you're prepared to decide what to do. Otherwise there are maybe some of his things that you can give to his parents, siblings or friends, it will mean a lot to them, to have something that belonged to him, and it will give you a chance to do something good with his things. It's just a suggestion. Take care!

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HI sweetgirl

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of you beloved and your friend. I lost the love of my life on Jan. 13, 2005, I came home one night from work and he had shot himself-

I was living in AZat the time(where he grew up). My mom and stepdad came the next day, I needed to be with them so they packed up all my stuff(I thought I would be able to help them go through our things but I could not even go inside, most of the time they were packing I was sitting in his truck hysterically crying) We drove all our stuff back to FL where I live now. I have not thrown away anything yet of his-I did give some stuff to his mom, best friend and his 14 year old son-the rest I still have. I was able to seperate some stuff into smaller boxes but all I really keep doing is putting them in one place to another, kind of shuffling them around from one place to another? I am lucky though my mom and dad have enough storage for all our stuff-someday when the time is right I will try again to figure out what to do with our stuff-it is still very painful for me to go through. I joined a support group and one of the ladies said that she rented a storage space to keep her husbands things in-she said she would rather pay the $25 a month until she was able to make up her mind what to do with his stuff. I remember the day my mom and step dad packed up our place-at first I was like I don't want anything it just stuff I want him back not his stuff, I am glad my mom did not listen. I also remember being in the hotel room we stayed in when my parents arrived. I can't quite remember but some how I had his coat and favorite hat in there with me I had both laid on the bed (on his side-I know it sounds crazy I slept with them the first couple of weeks) I remember looking at them thinking-Oh god this is all I have left of him, and then a couple days later I thought "no that is not true I have my memories. Go slow-you don't want to make any quick descisions, to someone who knows, it really has not been that long since your loss-even though people around me make me feel like I should be getting on, I still have days that I cannot believe this has happened. I still talk to him too. I wish you luck and peace.


I don't always have much time to come to the forum as much as I like, I do try to check my E-mail daily so if you would like to E-mail me address is ncl_klsy@yahoo.com.

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