Really Bad Day

[redwind30]

I am having a horrible day. I have cried and cried. I feel so lonely I can't stand it. My birthday was last week; the first without my husband and our 12 wedding anniversary will be next week. Again, the first without him. I dread all of the upcoming firsts that will happen over the next few months. I know I should not look ahead and I try not to, but sometimes I just can't help it. I took our little dog in to be groomed this AM (new groomer so I was very nervous) my husband adored our dog, as do I. We did not have children our any famly in town, so our little dog was our family. My husbad used to always refer to us as "my little family". I am terrified of making a mistake when it comes to Bear, what if he gets sick and I don't know what to do? What if he gets sick and I don't recognize it? The worries go on and on. It seems like I am terrified of everything since I lost my husband. While my dog was at the groomer I went to the Vet's office to buy some food. As I was there another lady came in to pick up her dog's ashes. NOT what I needed to see. It really pushed me over the edge. Sorry to ramble on and on. But, it seems this is one of the few places where people truly understand and I feel free to "vent".

Thanks for listening.

[Lindakay]

I think you're having anxiety attacks. I only had them before we moved out of state away from family. He was having them at the end. I call them the "what ifs...." Don't think you're immune to them if you never had them My cardiac doctor told me what it was after I got checked and had no cardiac worries. I got 30 days only supply of Adovan from my doctor when my husband died. Didn't use them all and glad I had them for that short period of time. I told her I didn't want something I had to stay on or take everyday. Told her I needed something that would keep me from breaking into tears on a heartbeat. My dogs are my family and one just got snake bit by a copperhead in the face. I had to deal with killing a poisonous snake in my inner yard. He always did this for us. I'm a weinie about snakes. I could swear his voice said shovel/kill it now. Really. I was thinking gun?shovel? He snapped me back to business. The dog showed herself when I went inside. I saw fang marks on her forehead. I cried and thought she was a goner. Got her to the vets within that 1/2 hour after. They saved her with shots and an overnight stay. She's 20 lbs and it was a 2 1/2 foot snake. Apparently they can hold back venom. She reacted for sure but was not a big threat for the snake to use all of it. Strange that this happened 6 weeks ago and he's been gone 2 1/2 years now. He was with me and I had no anxiety attack from it. You will survive. You will cope and you will miss him for sure. Don't surrender to being helpless. If this weinie can kill a snake, you'll make it. LindaKay

[kayc]

redwind,

You will know if your dog is sick and if you don't know what to do for Bear, ask your vet. But try not to worry about things that haven't happened yet because they may not even happen. Try to stick in the present, you have enough to deal with in that. To take on all of the future is to invite anxiety and to take on the past is to invite depression...we are made to be in the present. We can only look at the future for planning purposes and the past for learning purposes, beyond that and we're borrowing trouble. You will do fine for Bear, I'm glad you have him, it helps so much to have our furry companions. I think the ashes probably triggered things in you, I'm sorry you saw that. (((hugs)))

[redwind30]

Thanks so much for the kind words. Yes,seeing the pain that the other woman was going through when she had to pick up the ashes really did set off a trigger. I know you are both right about living in the present. And you are definately right that I have more than enough to handle just getting through the present. Thanks for listening and understanding.

RW

[Korina]

I actually found that for quite a while, I simply didn't have the energy to worry about all the potential whatifs - the present was plenty.

Hope you are feeling better.

Korina