The Eulogy I Wrote For My Mom

[Kim P.]

Thank you all for coming to commemorate my mom’s life. She was a multi-faceted person. Many of you here today knew my mother personally and many of you knew her indirectly through one of her family members. You may have known her as a coworker, a friend or a support person. Of course, all of my moms family here today each knew a part of her, a facet of her, as a wife, mother, daughter, grandmother, sister, aunt, niece or a cousin. I of course knew her as my mother. As I have reached adulthood, I have also known her as a friend. My mom shared much of herself with me, and I saw sides of my mother as she struggled with her illness that I had never seen before, especially her strong belief in positive thinking and the importance of the quality of life. I was privileged to know so many facets of my mother. In these last few years, I got to know the very human side of my mother. She showed us at times that she could be vulnerable, scared and discouraged. I just tried to support her the way she had always done for me.

Before I can go on to celebrate my mother and what she stood for, I must share with you the reality of what life was like for her and her family. Of course no one suffered more than my mother, and we all shared her pain. There were many times as a family that we would be in denial of her illness. We would disagree with the doctor’s findings. And sometimes we didn’t agree with the course of action the doctor’s would take. But my mom would always assure us that they were doing all that they could do for her, given her complicated case. She always tried to keep a positive attitude.

For this and many other reasons my mom was my hero. She was scary smart and not afraid to show it. She was tough, but also compassionate. Driven, but also fun and funny. Competitive, but also empathetic. Restless and patient. Curious and prayerful. She had a husband who was totally devoted to her in every sense of that word. Her true soulmate, a man that marveled at everything she said and everything she did. He let her rip and he let her roar and he loved everything about her. Add that to two children and four step children who adored her and loved to be with her and you have the ultimate role model. My mom was all of our best friends, and it was an honor for all of us to be her children. To be honest, I think it’s impossible for each of us to think about our lives without her. It’s interesting, as we have all talked amongst ourselves these last couple of days, each of us felt like an only child. Each of us talked to her everyday and sometimes more than once. I often said to her that I can’t go on without her, that I don’t know how to live without her. She would say, “You are fine, I have raised you well.” And so I will, we all will, get up and keep going.

She was completely herself all of her life, doing things the way she wanted. Unless you knew my mom, you wouldn’t know under that quiet, calm exterior that she was a pistol, a feisty, funny, independent woman. She was truly original, a beautiful character. Most of all she was an original giver with a generosity that was striking. No one ever left her house empty handed. Whether it be canned goods from her pantry, desserts, beauty products or most favorably, one of her many treasures that she found while out “junking.” But we watched her and knew that those little gifts were proof of her love. Self-giving was my mom’s concern for others and it was predominant throughout her life. I am so thankful to have been blessed with such an amazing mother. My mom lit up many of our lives. And she definitely set the bar high. I hope that one day I can be half the person she was.

In the last few years of my mom's life, I found her to be awe-inspiring. She who never sat still was forced to confront stillness, and it was hard for her but she never complained and she never asked for pity. She fought and she fought right up until her last breath. Over the past couple of months we accepted that her health was slowly deteriorating. After months in the hospital, and a short time in a Nursing Home, our family members knew what we had to do. Chris, my Papa and Nana, Uncle Steve, and two of Chris’s sisters Pat and Karen came back home to care for her and be with her. She loved her home very much and I am forever grateful to my family for making it possible for her to be there in her last days. With help of hospice, she was kept pain free. And with the skilled care of her husband, a nurse, my mom was kept comfortable in her home until the end. With her strong heart, she used every last bit of her substance until we could all be up there with her. On her last day we all gathered around her bed and the love that surrounded her was felt throughout the house. We laid with her, while we listened to some of her favorite music. It was truly the most beautiful thing that I have ever experienced. After she left us, her mouth relaxed into a gentle smile. She looked so peaceful, so pain free.

I would like to thank all of you for coming here today to help us, as a family, to heal and to celebrate my mom’s life. Though she left us too soon, she will live in our hearts forever.

[Lindakay]

Beautiful and inspiring, probably as much as she was inspiring to all of you. A great tribute, Thanks for sharing with all of us. LindaKay

[MartyT]

So beautiful, Kim! You've described in another post how your mother left letters behind for your stepdad to find and read. Clearly you've inherited her gift for writing. I'm sure it's just one of the many legacies your mother has left to you. She must be very, very proud of her daughter. ♥

[abergsma]

That was beautiful!

[niamh]

Kim that is beautiful .........I was shocked reading your first few lines, they are so so close to what I also wrote for my Dad (someday I want to post it here, haven't been able to look at it since but I hold onto it with dear life). I'd never taken any notice of eulogies before so I simply wrote from the heart, the similarties really struck me !!

Your Mom sounds like a such fantastic person, I'm sorry you didn't have more time with her here.

(hugs)

[Kim P.]

Thank you all for your kind words. I was honored that my family asked me to write this for my mom. Unfortunately I was unable to read this at her service, but my brother was brave enough to. Thank goodness he could do it. I will never forget that day.