My Boyfriends Ashes

[angela_uk]

Hi who ever may read and help me .... I was wondering about my partners ashes,We were together 3 years but not married and have a daughter together,He had 4 other children from previous relationships in germany, 18 yr old (was 17 at the time my partner passed away) 17, 9 and 7,Their mothers wanted nothing to do with the funeral and i myself delt with it all and still have my partners ashes,

Now My partners mother has been in touch saying now his son has turned 18 the ashes now legally belong to him? and also all of my partners possissions?please could you advise if this is correct thank you

[Lindakay]

He's in Germany and you are not? Where are you living? International lawyers letter for very little possesions won't hold. Cost him more in lawyers' fees. You also have a daughter by him? Then your daughter has rights. Tell him you scattered the ashes in a beautiful place that you both loved. That's the end of that. Possesions if a lot would have to be divided by four kids for sure. Let him spend money on fees and just consult a lawyer.There is no elder son's rights over that of four equal children. This isn't the middle ages. Tell him you scttered the ashes. Take pixs of a place and send them. Because your daughter is the youngest, the possesions will help pay her upkeep, he already made it through childhood, you can tell him that. Possion is 9/10th of the law. Who has it in their possesion now??? See. Good luck.LindaKay in NC USA. Did your's say UK? Tell him they helped pay for the funeral expenses and they didn't so send him a bill you paid.

[angela_uk]

Hi Linda

Thank you for you'r reply.As far as im aware his eldest son doesnt have any intrest in the ashes.Its my partners mother saying they now belong to the eldest son ( I think she wants the eldest son to *claim* them from me,So he can give them to her,Yes im in the uk too,There wasnt many possissions,I have sent some personal belongings over already to the 4 children in Germany,My partners motorbike was sold and helped to pay towards the funeral,which i also paid for,I also currently have the ashes here with me its been 11 months and i dont feel ready to let him go yet,But my partners mother is using threats to try and make me,

Angela

[nirac]

Hi, I don't know about legal stuff or anything like that but what if u have some of the ashes put into a neclace or piece of jewelery of some sort, then give the rest to the mother or son. That way u always have a piece of him with u. The funeral parlor here helped us out with that, My fiancee pasted away and the children and I have necklaces with his ashes, the rest of them we buried. Just a thought.

[kayc]

Don't let them scare you, it's a matter of knowing what they could/couldn't do and whether they'd likely act on it. They're calling your bluff. The big things to consider would be bank accounts, property, vehicles. Were they in joint names with survivorship status? If so, nothing to worry about. However, if they were in his name only, they should go to probate where they'd be decided upon, depending on what state he lived in. Did he have a will? If not, they would most like divide amongst his children but it could be held up in court for a long time. That is up to THEM to pursue, not for you to handle, unless you are contesting it.

[Cajie_Laurie]

Angela, I'm so sorry to hear about your partner's passing. I would consult a lawyer before taking any actions to see what the law in England/Germany states. However, I do like the necklace idea. And also the pictures of where we scattered his ashes.

I do know this, your daughter has rights being she is his daughter also. It's so funny how they seem to forget those things. It's a shame how even someones death doesn't stop the bickering. (Takes a look at myself here)

I hope all goes well for you... my prayers are with you that all goes smoothly.

Laurie