Missing Both By Dogs

[lovedoxies]

I lost Oscar my 14.5 year old dachshund/cocker spaniel Feb 8, 2004 in Peoria, AZ. he died of kidney failure. I quit my job(CNA) and took care of him during his last two weeks of his life. It was devastating to watch him waste away. I figured if he was human, he would be on Hospice and I was going to provide that dignity to him. Then one morning about 2am, he woke up, crying, I will never forget that sound, for as long as I live. I knew the bile had finally backed up to his brain, I started crying. I took him to the Emergency Vet clinic, and was with him while he crossed the Rainbow Bridge. The only thing that I'm still angry about is that the Veterinary staff didn't tell me they had given him a sedative, or I would of immediately picked him up while they gave him the shot. Oh well, he did take his last breath in my arms. I still miss Oscar and dream about him at night. Meanwhile, I still had Itchy at home, he was 13.5 years old, a minature dachshund. After Oscar was gone, Itchy became very depressed. I even hired a Pet Sitter, once I returned to work. He returned to his playful self, and enjoyed being the only dog(Oscar & Itchy had been together for 12 years. I had adopted Itchy when he was 2 and Oscar was 3). Anyway, the next thing I know Itchy & I are moving to Southern California. He adapted very well. One day he became very lethargic, and I took him to another Emergency clinic, he had a tumor attached to his spleen. I did have the surgery, and Itchy recovered wonderfully, he returned to his old happy self for about six months, then in jan he ate a plant in the yard and became ill, again he pulled out of it and recovered. By this time, I knew his liver & kidney enzymes were off the chart... Still, I wanted to give him time. He did become sick about the middle of Feb. I again nursed him, bought Pedialyte for him, cooked chicken anything for him to eat... Then one day, I came home from work to find him outside, in the dark!! Itchy never liked the cold or being outside by himself. I thought for sure, I would find him dead... I called for him, and he did come to me. I knew he was telling me it was his time to join Oscar at the Rainbow Bridge. I had to observe him for a couple of hours, and about 11pm, took Itchy again to the Emergency clinic. He slept so soundly in the car, the first time he laid down in four hours(since I came home from work). I felt and still feel guilty that I was at work all day and my Dad said he was outside most of the day... Plus, his canine tooth had abscessed and he couldn't eat anymore.... I held him before and after.... I just feel so empty inside, without him.. I know he's happy and out of pain but let's face it only us survivors of death that go thru grief process. I feel more grief and loss than when my Mother died when I was 13 years old! I should also add that my boys came across country with me on an airplane, in coach! They were with me thru my divorce, difficutlties, moving(each dog lived in four states), and career changes. How do I replace that loyalty and love? I would like to adopt another dog, but my step-mother doesn't want one. I'm preparing to return to school this Fall for Nursing (LVN / LPN). After that, I will leave and return to the Midwest. I hope to adopt another dog next year, I'm praying that God can change her heart. I think about Oscar and Itchy every day and dream about them at night. I feel that they were the better part of my life for fifteen years. I'll never forget them... I will look forward to seeing them when I cross the Rainbow Bridge. In the meantime, there are other dogs that need homes.... I'm sorry that this is so long but it's been kind of a hard year.

[Butch]

Sorry to hear about Oscar and Itchy. Losing them is never easy (it's only been a little over 2 weeks since I lost my Daisee), no matter how it happens. The empty feeling is normal, although I know that doesn't make it any easier to take. Please don't beat yourself up for having been at work or otherwise not with them. We have to live in the world as it is, and as much as we'd love to be with our friends 24/7, it just isn't possible. And I think they understand that. Your having moved to a new city just before Itchy's death can't be helping your situation. Having just come through such a loss, I can tell you that one of the best things I've done in the 2 weeks since I lost Daisee was to go to the shelter and adopt another dog. Lulu isn't a replacement for Daisee (no dog could ever hope to be), but she has brought the spark of life back into the house, and especially into my other dog Pancho. Like Itchy after Oscar's death, Pancho became very depressed and listless. She's 10 this year, and I couldn't bear seeing her like that (not to mention that I was crying a lot as well). Lulu and I had an immediate connection, and when she arrived home, it literally transformed both Pancho and me. She's a little love, and has really brightened things up for us around here.

Do I still miss my Daisee? YOU BET! In fact, last night I was watching "Il Postino" on DVD. At the end you discover (indirectly) that one of the main characters has died. For some reason, after several days without any tears, all I could think about was my Daisee. I cried and cried. It does hurt, and it will doubtless continue to hurt for a long time. But the tears are good for cleansing the soul, and I know Daisee is with us always as long as Pancho and I remember her. I've put up several framed photos of Daisee in the house, and I often stop and tell her what a good girl she was, and just try to remember the happy, healthy times we had together for many years.

I hope this helps a little bit..

Butch

[lovedoxies]

Butch, thank you for the email. It helps to know that others reading these emails know what I've gone thru. I'm also sorry to hear about your loss in June. I also went to school for Vet tech, and working with seniors you know when the end is coming. But it seems like once it comes, it takes time to work thru the grief, and we grieve for animals and people. I really wish that I could adopt a dog. I know it would help, but it's not possible now. Thanks again