ustwo Posted July 2, 2005 Report Share Posted July 2, 2005 On June 11 my husband, Gene, lost his long battle with CHF. We knew this would happen one day...I would be left behind without him. We talked about it, facing reality but continued to fight together for every extra day. My heart aches...my soul aches....I miss him so much. We had 28 wonderful, beautiful years of experiences walking though life hand and hand. And all I want is just one more day with him. We spent that last 12 hrs sharing memories, sharing kisses from under the oxygen mask, holding hands, just being together. During the moments when he slipped into a dream he'd reach out into the air....said he was picking yellow flowers for his baby.....he picked me a life-time of yellow flowers that last day. I force myself each day to get up and put one foot in front of the other. Not because I want to but because he knew what I would have to do. Each day is so full of pain. I've lost a child....lost my mother this March....but THIS pain is so much deeper. I start out each day reliving that last day.....wanting more time. And also reliving the struggle he put up that last day. I live with the guilt of walking out for just a moment to think about a decision and loosing him in that couple of minutes. He asked for me and I wasn't there....we were 4 breathes away from each other after 12 hrs. I'm so tired of everyone saying how strong I am and that will get me through this. I'm tired of "being strong". I'm so lost and I miss him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now