3 Months Coming Up

[Guest popengena]

I lost Joe on August 2...wound up in the hospital with a breakdown...got out.......went for counseling..she told me I needed more then she could give me, so I've been in acute partial hospitalization, for a few weeks..but I'm the only one grieving. I've tried to find and go to Bereavement groups, but the 2 I've attempted to go to are no longer going on. I am almost at 3 months..and every single Friday..I cry my heart out. This morning...I was waking up..and rolled over to feel his chest, to make sure he was alive...our dog was on his pillow...belly up...so, for a tiny moment..I said..oh...Thank God..he's alive..then I woke up and I was devastated...the day never got better. I am trying to use the tools that I'm getting, but they dont really apply to grief.....its for my depression..which is a problem, but now..not the overlying one............my grief is consuming me. I miss him..I regret things I didnt say....I regret things i did say....I wish I could redo so many things. I loved him..Joe was the love of my life...I just hope he knows that..

How do you ever mend a broken heart?...I feel like mine is torn in half....I am in such pain everyday.......The weekends are the worst of all.........I dont want to see anyone.......I just want to cry about him...relive moments we had......This hurts so so bad...and I should have been prepared..I was his caretaker for several years....

Heop

[kayc]

I find that even though we may know ahead of time in some instances, and even though we were a caretaker, it doesn't always prepare us for the finality of death...that hits us like a ton of bricks, unbidden and unwelcome. You are right to recognize that regular depression and grief are different in that grief is situational and depression can exist regardless of circumstance. Some of the treatment is, however the same. Forcing ourselves to get out, forcing ourselves to be around others, putting positive influence into our lives, like music, exercise, nutritional food, routine, bedtime, etc. all of those help us continue in a positive bent. So does doing for others. Having pets helps our outlook and mood too. Pets are amazing, their capacity to love and accept. You may find yourself disinterested in previously enjoyable activities...try to participate in them anyway...consider it therapy. You are still pretty fresh with all this...most of the time after George's death the first few months are a blur. I do remember needing to talk about him and my experience with him. Try to surround yourself with supportive family/friends. Right now this time is about YOU and it's not selfish to make it that way for a while.