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How Am I Supposed To Deal With This?


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I just got back a couple of days ago from cleaning up my parents house. My brother and I flew to mom and dad's house from our respective states to clean out the house. We had a limited time and thought that we would not make it to finish. The buyer just happened to stop by with her real estate agent. My brother and I were having a "moment" and they walked into the middle of it. I tried to talk to her but couldn't without bursting into tears (just like now as I write). She is an older woman and felt really bad for us. She hugged me and told me that we could visit anytime we wanted. She also said that if there was anything we wanted we could leave it and she would hold it for us. This woman was sent by mom and dad. I'm sure.

We took what was important and left the rest for her. We had a huge mess in the garage and were stressing that we would not finish when she came in and said that we could leave it all because she was coming into this house with nothing. At that point, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

We went to see my parents at their moseleum. It really bothers me to see their names with birth and death dates there. I crumble everytime. My brother had to practically hold me up. My mom had a neighbor who promised her that she would take care of flowers and decoration after she passes. Before my brother left for the airport, he went to see them and saw that the site had been decorated for Christmas. He took a pic and sent it to me. It looks beautiful but, made me howl in pain. When does this get better?

Now that that is done, I don't know how I am supposed to deal with it all. I just have no words for how I'm feeling.

Thanks for listening.

2sweetgirls

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Hi,

I am writing to let you know I have heard you, but I do not have any answers.

I feel so sad for you. You went through such an incredible difficult and challenging time, having to clean out their home.

So very very stressful.

I do not know when this gets better! I think we continue to grieve for a long time.

Some days will be better then others, even if those days are labeled the 'numb' days.

But this is so very very hard.

I was thinking that if I have a family of my own, I would be able to be a bit stronger,...but that is not necessarily true.

You have your two daughters? You are there for them, as well as dealing with your sorrow.

As I said before, I have no answers, because I do not know how to deal with this myself. I do not think anyone knows,

we just have to get through this...for the people that are still around who love us.

My thoughts are with you,

Karen

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2sweetgirls,

oh wow, what a tough thing to have to go through ........(((((HUGE HUGS)))))......I wish I knew what to say to you.

I'm glad the person buying the house is someone so kind and understanding and I do think your Mom & Dad sent her your way. To offer you the chance of visiting anytime is not something many, if any, people would do and even if you never do visit, at least the choice is there for you.

I too have a hard time when I visit my Dad, seeing the word "Died" with a date on it, we don't have a stone up yet so it's just a cross for now. Actually most of the time I avoid looking at it, it's too much.

I wish I had answers for you, I have no clue when or if it gets better. Somedays I feel I can just simply put a face on better than other days but that's as "good" as it gets. I know this time of year certainly doesn't "help" anyways, so much in our faces all the time as we simply try to survive day by day.

just know that I am sending you the biggest HUG I possibly can and a ton of love your way.

Niamh

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Actually, I do believe that having a family of your own helps and then again it doesn't. You are distracted, even laughing and appearing to others to be ok, but when the distraction is over it hits you like a ton a bricks. I have experienced a couple of people that actually said to me "you seem to be handling this really well". I got really angry!!! I said "don't EVER judge a book by its cover. You never know what's going on inside". That pretty much shut them up. I can't imagine how this whole grief process would be for me without having my family. They give me strength where I don't feel I can have it sometimes. You have a way of pulling yourself up by your bootstraps for their sake. On the other hand, you have to get it out sometime. THAT is the difficult part - it's usually late at night when going to sleep. Hence, the bags under my eyes.

Yesterday, on the other hand, I was really weak even in front of them. My parents house, which they left to my brother and myself, was sold and finalized. The lawyer called me while I was out shopping with the girls. My 9 year old who is very interested in what is going on was looking right into my eyes when I got the call. I pushed the overwhelming feeling to breakdown down into my gut the best I could until my brother called me 5 minutes later to see if I was ok. I lost it and had to leave the store. My daughter conforted me as I explained that with great love comes great loss and this is going to be a long bumpy road for me. I also took that opportunity to tell her that no matter what she can talk to me or her dad if she needs to. It seems that she talks to her dad more often. I think she's protecting me. My husband has this strange ESP-like gift and called me a bit later when I was falling apart. He came home to be with me which really helped. He has a way of saying and doing the right thing in these situations. This sounds really bad and I hope someone, anyone can understand, I just wish I can get on with the whole "process". I won't ever forget my parents - EVER - I just feel stuck.

We really do feel lucky to have the option to go and visit even though I'm not sure I will. My brother called the buyer, congratulated her and told her that she can call us if she has any questions about the house. I'm glad mom and dad sent her to us.

I appreciate the hugs.

2sweetgirls

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