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Severe Pain Today


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It has been almost seven months since I lost my precious husband. Everything happened so fast. When I lost him it seems that I lost everything; my hopes, my dreams, my future. At the age of 54 I feel as if I don't belong anywhere. The lonliness is unbearable. This has been a horrible weekend and I don't know why. I guess it is the upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas season. I don't have any family in town. They can't come here and I am not able to go there. I am so alone. Fear and dread of what will happen next consumes my life. But, mostly I just miss him. I miss him telling me eveything will work out. He always made me feel better. Now, I am completely on my own. I don't know how I will make it through Thursday much less Christmas Day. Today has been terrible. The tears just won't stop. Does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom?

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Redwind, I have no words of wisdom except to say how sorry I am for your pain. I'm only 3 weeks into this journey myself and am in much the same situation you are. I'm only 56 and I have no family or real friends where I live. Glenn and I were enough for each other and although I have acquaintances here, there's nobody I can be comfortable enough to unburden on.

This weekend has been horrible for me as well, but the only thing I keep repeating to myself is that Glenn would have just kept putting one foot in front of the other, if our roles were reversed. Most men seem to have an ability to put unpleasant memories behind them and move on. I've tried to keep busy today, with laundry and small chores, but every time I turn around, it smacks me on the side of the head. Something as simple as not having any of his things in the laundry hurts so much.

As for Christmas, I can't even stand going into a grocery store. Glenn would always buy a box of Japanese oranges and a box of Black Magic chocolates as soon as they went on to the shelves and just seeing those things on display kills me. I'm sure I'll be invited out for Christmas somewhere, but I can't see doing that because all's I'll do is wreck everybody else's Christmas. I certainly won't be putting up a tree or decorations - I just want it over and done with as quickly as possible.

I'm sorry that I can't be of help right now, but I wanted you to know that there's someone here who can totally relate to what you're going through. Please keep talking and I'll keep listening.

Di

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You summed up pretty much how I've felt since George died. I've tried staying busy, tried everything, I don't have much advice that hasn't already been said here. Try to plan something for that day, if you don't have someone to spend Thanksgiving with, or it's okay to completely ignore holidays altogether if you don't feel up to dealing with them. Try not to look at the rest of your life, try to stay in the present and focus on now, way out there is too much to handle.

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Oh I am just so sorry that you are feeling so much pain. I am so sorry for the lonliness. It is OK to not know why when the pain comes storming along. Grief is unpredictable and that adds to the difficulty of this journey I think. I encourage you to let the tears flow when they come, yell if you need to when the anger comes, scream into a pillow. My heart aches for you and I wish I could just take it all away for you. Trust yourself, and do what feels right for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It is your journey and you have a right to do what you need.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

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